CulturePulp

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Endnotes & Digressions:

1. Colors for this installment by Chad Essley.

2. There's a massive Timbers Army presence online at SoccerCityUSA.com. Meanwhile, "Timber Jim" maintains his own Web site at TimberJim.com. And "Dorrk" has his own site, as well.

3. Yr. hmbl. cartoonist could have written a comic book on all the quotable events that transpired on Saturday, April 9. Here are several tidbits that were almost physically painful to snip from my first-draft script (which ran to a whopping 35 panels):

a. The colorful (and possibly slanderous) abuse heaped on the Seattle goalie, the unfortunately named Preston Burpo;

b. Timber Jim jokingly ripping on The San Diego Chicken and declaring himself "the top mascot in the country!" -- a joke that, frankly, may not be all that far from the truth;

c. Scot Thompson talking, in the most politic of terms, about how he actually turned down a deal with the L.A. Galaxy (which is in a bigger league, mind you) to be in Portland. "In the two years I was in L.A., this never happened," he said ("this" being drinking with his fans);

d. The general high quality of the Timbers Army's D.I.Y. fan merchandise, which was widely praised as being superior to (and cheaper than) the official club items. Special praise went to the designs of a particularly industrious Army lieutenant named "Pong";

e. Byron Alvarez, the Timbers' best-scoring forward, watching the game from the Shed because of an injury. As Bickle put it: "Can you imagine an injured Shaquille O'Neal sitting with his fans?"

f. Assorted discussion of the tactical strengths and flaws of the Timbers between Dorrk and Bickle -- with special attention given to Coach Bobby Howe's "outmoded system" that leads to the team's "chronic reluctance to shoot from outside the box"; and

g. A partial accounting of the evening's chants and songs, which included the following verbiage (warning: some strong talk):

"We! Are! The Timbers Army! We are mental and we're barmy! True supporters forever more!"
"Hang the referee! A rope! A tree!"
"Burpo's butt boy!"
"Portland Timbers, here we go!"
"There's no pity in the Rose City!"
"Soccer City USA! Movin' up to victory! We are the famous Rose City!"
"Wreck and kill! Portland Timbers fucking will!"
"Use your head and use your feet!"
"Rose City 'til I die, Rose City 'til I die!"


You can read an entire SoccerCityUSA forum thread devoted to Timbers Army chants right here -- or you can read lyrics and listen to mp3s of said chants right here.

Ow. 

Type too small? You can download a high-rez PDF of CulturePulp 026 right here: CulturePulp26.pdf

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Mike Russell is a film writer and cartoonist living in Portland, OR. ... full profile