Brad is a short, fat, girl-hating, comic book collecting nerd. ... more

David is a self-involved nobody with interests in Star Wars and Vaginal Openings. ... more

John is a tubby Virgin who's anxious to become a condom-purchasing, Vadge-Porking adherent to the non-nerd society that has shunned him so. ... more

Amanda is the lone Goth in her small town. She's the sole girl her age who loves Charles Manson and Archie Andrews. Unfortunately for her, these superficialities won't keep everyone at bay, and it only encourages nerds to hit on her. ... more

Alex is a former Fattie who, despite his love of Sports and other non-homosexual activities, has a weakness for the nerd culture that his "Real Men" peers avoid. ... more

Arnold is the rugged idealist who owns and operates The Literary Dragon, a place where The Humanities and Entertainment meet. And for all you female fat fetishists, he's single. ... more

Christine is a real jerk who could find a guy if she didn't live in the middle of nowhere. But as she does live in the middle of nowhere, she'll have to fill time by pestering nerds. ... more

Sally is a Religious-type who both values, and is frustrated by, her virginity. If the End Times are "coming", why can't she? ... more

Dirk is 29 and lives with his mother. He doesn't shower or floss. Also, he reads nothing but comic books and porno. In other words, he doesn't live by your rules. ... more

Candace is both gorgeous and cruel (with a lot of shallowness thrown in). She's perfect for nerds who want to practice hitting on a girl without taking the chance of having to go out with her. ... more