M/W/F plus extras
  • A great new series begins! It's going to be the greatest thing ever... EVER!!!!!!!!!!!
  • And if you don't believe that, I have more exclamation marks to prove it: !!!!!!!!
  • Exclamations marks denote the quality of a product. More exclamation marks = more quality.
  • Not one but TWO Saturns! And right in the first strip! What other comic brings you such incredible value???
  • "PLUNG" is a valid sound effect. I don't know what this "plungE" is that you're talking about.
  • Having a single, non-contradicting opinion on subjects is overrated! Why, I find that chicken breast is delicious AND disgusting. It's a simple thought to maintain; just EEK~ [error: unexpected end of commentary]
  • Ha ha, that's hilarious because women can't think! Isn't that sexist? Huh? Huh? Well? Isn't it? No? Damn, no Internet backlash bringing me zillions of hits.
  • Yet.
  • I have nothing against Comic Sans, but some do, and hate it with fiery passions. I hope cheap slams such as these establish that I've read a couple of guidelines on how to make comics (and all those that I ignore are deep, philosophical flauntings of tired conventions that make me a clever counterculture critic and not someone marching on with only a few clues - not that there's much of a difference).
  • LINK DUMP: Wilhelm Scream
  • It might just be me, but it doesn't look like the Gadgeteer Snarf can actually speak German. It's almost like I've written him that way on purpose, and thus anyone sending me corrections will eventually be shown to have missed the point.
  • Unfortunately, the joke involving the Director's giant phone boot (please notice the missing final H) had to be cut due to me being unable to draw the damn thing.
  • You don't want to get attached to any of the faceless masses. Really.
  • Please don't lick the streets of London (or at least, warehouse-filled generic streets that their author claims are "the streets of London"). It is a fineable offense to lick public soil!
  • "Killed by a leaflet straight to the face!!!" is a bit unwieldly as far as sound effects go, but if you ever saw someone killed by a leaflet straight to the face, as I have, you'll know it's the exact sound effect that being killed by a leaflet straight to the face makes. When a leaflet straight to the face kills someone.
  • Also, it's my totally awesome LEGO Rock Band band name.
  • People dying horribly for totally random reasons are what this comic's going to be about. Don't worry - the characters will make you want for them to suffer horrible fates. Often.
  • Finally, I can show off some of the main backgrounds! You don't like them? Well, obliterate off!
  • "Obliterate" can be used as a swearword, if that snarf is to be trusted.
  • (Snarfs are not to be trusted. Neither are webcomic authors. For much of the same reasons, too.)
  • Man, yoghurt causes really tough hangovers, let me tell ya.
  • Ugh... I gotta head to the toilet BRB.
  • In the five or so times I've visited the UK, floating non-British power outlets mysteriously appearing out of nowhere were kind of an issue. It was fun when one learned to use them as stepping stones, or when one appeared in front a rushing train - woah, the spark show! Of course, you all know about that incident when one appeared on the train tracks, derailing a train and killing all 50.000 passengers on board.
  • It was a pretty big train.
  • I wonder if I have that Generic Times issue still lying around...
  • There it is! I was even interviewed on the front page for this very issue. The Generic Times takes future webcomic authors VERY seriously.
  • "X" comics are extras thrown the day after a normal comic update. So you will have to come here EVERY DAY AND PARANOICALLY HIT REFRESH EVERY FIVE MINUTES. A flawless plan!
  • Or just follow us on Twitter.
  • A note regarding the story codes, mentioned by Snarfette in the last panel. "M", in this case, means male. "/" means sexual relations with. I'll leave the meaning to "dinopreg" to your most despicable imagination.
  • The Epic Emo is eeeeeemo. Isn't he just eeeemo?
  • ObliterCake(tm) is most delicious. I'll have to release the recipe one day. Just as soon as human brains and sulfonic acids are finally evaluated as safe for human consumption, ending a century of discrimination. Human Brains Are Food, Too!
  • Man, I just HATE that stuff that I don't know what it is, but is on fire. I just don't know what it is, and I'm so curious!
  • Plus, it's on fire.
  • Everything the faceless masses do is faceless. Facelessness is a state of being.
  • "Omnomnom" is the only possible eating onomatopeia currently available to webcomic authors, as mandated in Paragraph 8 Subsection 12 of the Webcomics Code.
  • I'll have an encyclopedia extract up tomorrow with more info about EAD, stay tuned!
  • NOTICE: encyclopedia extract may be fake.
  • This is why web encyclopedias are so hard to take seriously. I know at least two people called "Pseudo Ym"!
  • And only one is a hot girl I tried to approach at a bar, and totally turned me down, because she said she only did thr-, wait, off topic, nevermind.
  • Space nazis are NOT cuddly and do NOT just want to be loved and/or hugged.
  • Wait, if bow also equals girl then Snarfette is fEEEAGH!!1
  • Ha ha, it's funny because she's trading her own child for something even less economically sustainable than what she has!
  • Also, she's kind of a monster.
  • Seriously, what did you expect them to offer? They ARE nazis, you know.
  • Fanflower plants are really useful in summer, because they are a 100% natural (if electricity-powered) fan!
  • What, you thought that microscopic stem that in NO WAY would ever be able to hold that huge, ugly flower was anything but their power cable?
  • The Meditator is a pervert. You are lucky that balloon is censored That is all.
  • This is a highly romanticized account of 100% true facts; in reality, snarfs weigh quite a bit and being trampled by one would be likely fatal! Do not try this at home!
  • NOTICE: the part about "100% true facts" might be a load of bollocks.
  • Also, the part about being trampled by a Snarf would be fatal. It totally isn't. Why, the second time I met Pseudo Ym, we- uhm, off topic again, nevermind.
  • Let's talk about spirals. As mentioned in the comic, spirals don't just exist in space; they actually hang there. It's a space-time phenomena so complex not even Wikipedia has an entry on it!
  • In brief, it involves black holes self-reverse-timing the quantum splotch, in which the regreherz has the ulpratum. Simple, though hard to explain without using terms I just made up entirely to describe a phenomenon that does not exist. (As far as you're allowed to know.)
  • The more Dumb Snarf talks, the less sense he makes.
  • In that, he behaves like a sizeable portion of humanity.
  • And yes, they're fires. They just look like, well, you know.
  • Sometimes, a conflict can't be solved with just plain violence. When that time comes, it's time to get serious, and instead of plain violence, use just violence. This is what the Snarf Versus Matches are all about: going beyond simple violence, and solving problems with violence.
  • Unlike the rest of the comic, which in complete opposition to this trend, is about plain violence.
  • Speaking of violence, I graduate from University tomorrow. I'm a "technologist of multimedia and audio/video communication", and whoever made up that pompous and mostly meaningless title is what ties this to violence.
  • That's a puddle of blood, not a black hole in the floor.
  • Though those have been known to happen.
  • A Wilhelmina Scream is a Wilhelm Scream, but pre-modified to be girly.
  • I must say that of all the characters, I am most proud of my avatar. I've spent the most time drawing it, of course!
  • The problem of explaining a comic where continuity is decided at the whim of a mad creator is- oh, wait, I AM said creator. Never mind.
  • People stay dead for as long as I want, and return to life at the speed I decide. I am the Alpha and the Omega! Watch my works and despair! He who fights monsters etc.! Pompous cliche' used in place of actual intellectual depth goes here!
  • The faceless masses don't count as people, so "kill them all" should be interpreted as "break them all". Or "smidge them all".
  • Please don't try to kill people at home. Unless they need to be killed or something, I can't decide everything for you. Thank you.
  • Rude feller, isn't he.
  • 25th on the 25th!
  • Please do not mail me your hypoteses regarding Snarf sex.
  • Don't.
  • Seriously.
  • Please!
  • *DING!* Oh, I have mail...
  • EEEYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA~
  • AUTOMATED MESSAGE: This comic now in permanent hiatus (until the next regularly scheduled update).
  • Ha ha, it's funny because it's an old meme that most have long forgotten!
  • What do you mean "they still do it"?
  • Crap, this could turn all the way back to being not annoyin- no, wait, it never was that. Nevermind.
  • A note regarding how the Faceless Masses speak. As per the rules of l33tsp33k, adding -orz to the appropriate root makes the term five times stronger, while -copter makes it ten times stronger. As typical with many languages, some of the most ancient terms have different conjugations. ROFL is already ten times stronger than LOL, so "LOLcopter" will get you laughed out of the room. Similarly, ROFLzorz was deemed to be teh suxzorz and is generally not used. However, both it and LOLzorz are gaining some timid acceptance amongst the more n00bish crowds, although LOLcopter remains taboo.
  • The previous paragraph may in fact have made up a lot of stuff that has no relation to actual l33tspeak.
  • Someone should totally draw an "urmomcopter".
  • Don't look at me, I can't draw.
  • Really, the guy's just a showoff. It's the Jacob's Ladder that actually does everything.
  • The Internet cannot be won. "Teh Internets", on the other hand...
  • Yes, that's a faceless mass inside that car. Must've been the Faceless Mafia.
  • This is where I'd post a link to the Campaign for the Correct Disposal of Planets Saturn, but no such thing exists apparently. And humanity calls themselves environmentally conscious!
  • I hope, at this point, that you're beyond silly questions such as "how do the Snarfs hold their shovels?".
  • Really, you'd do well not to think too closely about that.
  • Aaah, we finally come to the Big Reveal: the plan behind it all!
  • That "aaah" can be read as both a sigh of relief, and as a scream of horror.
  • Also, for a while, there won't be any plot progression.
  • The above is not to be implied any plot progression has been made so far.
  • The above is not to be implied that this comic has any plot.
  • Just update the graphics drivers. There's really no need to uninstall them. Let this be a cautionary tale, as this happened to a friend of mine.
  • I'd write a 35k-character essay on it, but he wasn't that good of a friend.
  • Yes, SNARFS is now on permanent hiatus FOREVER!
  • Due to Paragraph 8, Subsection 12 of the Time Code, "FOREVER!" (caps, with exclamation mark) is over exactly... now. Snarfs will now resume its regular update schedule.
  • An instrument of universal annihilation for just 15 quids? Man, those government subsidies are insane!
  • Once upon a time, hundreds of years ago, there was this thing called "television". Television used to work sort of like the screen you're using to look at this, but there were moving pictures of real people, some transmitted ("broadcast") in real time, and some recorded. You couldn't choose what to watch without going through a completely different channel, where you could still only watch what the channel was transmitting at that moment... it's insane, I know, but such barbaric times did indeed exist.
  • In the continuity of the comic, TVs have come back into fashion just a week before. Currently, the DBC is the only "broadcasting" company in existance, because competition with the DBC is prohibited by law.
  • The Merry Mixer is a nod to a videogame. Guess which and you'll win Teh Internets!
  • Any mail sent can be ignored in favor of lame jokes.
  • Send me ANY sort of slasher fic "as Snarfette would write" and I swear to myself-in-the-comic, I'll add you to the spam filter.
  • Unless it's funny.
  • I'll still spamfilter you, but at least I'll have a laugh.
  • NOTICE: homage only - not for misinterpretation!
  • Homages to the stuff you rip of- ahem, "get inspiration from" is a must.
  • I thought an elementary school classroom should be full of crude children's drawings, but then I realized that leaving it barren is far more meta.
  • Also, don't you wanna clean her clock?
  • That's not a metaphor for something else, you pedophile! We just beat children to bloody pulps, like civilized beings!
  • Replacement characters might just wait until after the heat death of the universe. It's not urgent.
  • What do you mean yoghurt isn't flammable?! "Yoghurt" contains "lactic ferments"! It's incredibly flammable!
  • Almost as much as poison!
  • There are many misconceptions about the Internet around. For example, the absurd belief that you need to somehow be connected to the Internet (or to a LAN) for another computer to see your stuff. If only data protection were that easy!
  • Again, I have a cautionary tale about another friend I could write a long essay about, but I saw his stuff. Day-uhm that guy had fetishes.
  • Damn Samantha Wannacleanherclock and her spunkiness. I still totally do want to clean her clock.
  • OK, so sending the Meditator on a suicide mission gains her points. Still not a metaphor for anything else.
  • You pedophile.
  • I was initially a bit wary of giving individual faceless masses any distinct personality. Then I realized that we are in a school setting... and what is school good for but stripping people of their individuality, turning them into the kind of faceless masses that the average mediocrity is?
  • Dunno, but I loved the mini-pizzas that the lunch guys sold at recess in high school. They were awesome.
  • And he knows - HE KNOWS! - that Gadgeteer Snarf's inventions are only death rays. HE KNOWS. Good grief, Dumb Snarf.
  • Seriously. That stuff haunted my dreams.
  • I gotta throw up again. BRB.
  • Drunk Snarf really shouldn't go around questioning filler characters.
  • I mean, more than necessary.
  • The Faceless Masses don't use a crossbar I, because they're not entities and therefore cannot refer to themselves with a personal pronoun.
  • I think "YA NK" reaches new lows in random carriage returns inside sound effects. I'll have to complain to the auth- oh, whoops.
  • I'M PLANNING OF SWITCHING FONT FROM MY $400 ($10 with the new year's eve discount) COMICRAFT FONT WITH COMIC SANS, IT LOOKS A LOT BETTER. WHAT DO YOU THINK?
  • Bookinface and Twatter are, of course, two real and existing social network sites - and totally not really bad puns on real existing social network sites to not-really-protect-against-IP-infringement-but-I-lost-the-topic-hell-what-was-I-saying-now.
  • It's called Twatter because everyone who uses it is twa-, I mean, a "twit". Follow us on Twatter!
  • Bookinfacing causes something... that has something to do with time?! Maybe we'll find out in the coming years. Meanwhile, you can become THE HUGEST SNARFS FAN EVER!!1 on BookinFace!
  • "Brontolaur" is the best word ever.
  • What do you mean "you can't get wasted on yoghurt?" It's like with it not being flammable! Yoghurt contains lactic ferments, and if you drink too much of that stuff, like anti-lactic ferment abuse campaigns will tell you, you risk your life.
  • Don't enjoy yoghurt and drive! Or operate heavy machinery.
  • (That was meant in general. Woah, heavy machinery is HEAVY!)
  • There are no shortcuts to solutions. No quick fixes. For example, no matter how hard I try, I can't seem to work up an outrage campaign for the clear sexism in my comic which will bring me millions of daily unique visitors.
  • Eh, I can still sell this comic as open incitment to violence.
  • Originally, the cops looked like the Caponians from Zak McKracken and the Alien Mindbenders, incidentally one of the greatest adventure games of old. Of course, that was quite unintended, so now they look the same but with, uhm, a slightly flatter cap I guess?
  • Yes, permanent jail time for violating curfew and attempting to steal horribly polluted, undrinkable, sludge-ish public water is a smidge harsh. On the other hand, the trial takes literally minutes! Isn't governmental efficiency awesome?
  • Told you the Meditator was a pervert.
  • Oh, wait, so's almost everyone else. Crap. I keep forgetting.
  • Did I tell you about my fetish? It's about- wait, I'll be saying that in the next story.
  • Yes, you should fear it.
  • Ha ha, it's funny because it's another old meme everybody forgot.
  • More like a very bad piece of fan fiction, which was probably written intentionally that way. In the five-minutes-in-the-future setting of SNARFS!, such a story (now hundreds of years old) is considered a classic. Snarfette, as a dreadful fanfic writer (phrase intentionally left ambiguous), has done this as a high-level reference that only a classically trained dreadful fanfic writer can spot.
  • I think Commander Snarf is, in fact, very very well acquainted with madness.
  • And so am I.
  • "Lolcatcopter" is disturbing.
  • Woot 50 pages! Well, it would be woot-worthy if I hadn't reached this milestone nearly ten months ago.
  • What is Fred doing there?! You'll find out how I managed to make this comic even MORE confusing in the coming weeks!
  • You can tell Megan Fetishism is a strong, independent woman by how she scowls all the time.
  • Next story begins Monday, but there'll still be a comic tomorrow and Friday, so come by!
  • Really, random heart attacks. And this page was about an epidemy of them. Yeah, the line between funny and bad taste is very thin, but I hope I'm still on its good side.
SNARFS! Story 1 has ended!
  • I'm a bit worried about the number of pages with significant violence in them. Over two thirds is way too low! I'll try to increase their number in coming stories.
  • Even the amount of on-screen fatalities/kills/bodies is revoltingly low. I'll have to kick it to the thousands!
  • The next story begins Monday! See you then... IF YOU DARE!!!




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Francesco Poli ||   

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