M/W/F plus extras
  • This will be a long, difficult, protracted battle of wits between two supreme geniuses.
  • Seriously. This will be so complex, deep and exciting you won't believe your eyes!
  • (And you'll be perfectly correct not to!)
  • Or, uhm, maybe, well, that is...
  • I think I'm going to need a rewrite, BRB.
  • So why doesn't Commander Snarf immediately steal their DNA (as is his plan), and be done with it? There is a complex explanation, and it is about a metaphysical deconstruction of the intent-action trap.
  • Here is the full, complete, unabridged explanation: shut up.
  • Also, TERROR!!!
  • While it may appear that these gags are meant to be throwaways, it is not the case. This is an important part of the story!
  • "My, Kat, your head is so huge!" "To better chew you off, dear!"
  • I'm yet to explain that the Madness leader has a snarky mouth, not a facial hemiparesis. Then again, that may just be a valid interpretation.
  • Ha ha, she sends them to the couch - get it? Because she's a gurlzz, and that's what married gurlzz do.
  • Speaking of which, it's the couch again for me tonight. I don't know why. I'm not even married!
  • This page was meant to explain that yes, there will be people with identical looks and personality playing separate (if identical) characters, even in the same story or page (though I'll avoid that to lower the confusion, unless it's funny). You didn't think that Samantha and her mom in pages 14 and 15 looked the same just because I'm lazy, didn't you?
  • Uhm, wait...
  • Yes, that means they could play the same personality in the same panel (as we see here) AND AT DIFFERENT AGES AT THE SAME TIME! Why? It's science; I don't have to explain that!
  • Also: ha ha, casual double homicide.
  • The pub's back corridor has already been shown, but only the part further to the left.
  • Shhh! It's meant to be a secret, I know, but I can't resist just one little spoiler: Professor Frans is actually a character that has already appeared in the comic!
  • No, it's not the Meditator.
  • For now.
  • Modern Warfare 2 can get away with whining "stay frosty" every other damn minute, and so can I!!1
  • Insane rage has made me do a lot of things. This comic being one of them.
  • INSANE RAGE!!!
  • Once upon a time, well over a century ago, there was a movie called simply "300". In it, people who complained that things were Madness were kicked into pits, and those pits were Sparta.
  • Or something of the sort.
  • Anyway, this incredibly old meme is for some reason back in fashion, so a lot of people who hear the team's name M.A.D.N.E.S.S. immediately complain about Sparta.
  • You can sense a twinge of frustration from the writer of that book, if you look close.
  • As an Italian native, you'd think it'd be a cinch for me to write pseudo-italianish gibberish. Instead, it was just damn hard - and I don't think it's as adequately awful as Gadgeteer's "german".
  • Please don't taste people's DNA. Unless you're into that stuff. In that case: ew.
  • This is exactly what happens when you scheme when you should be PLANNING. But nooo, he said "schemes only!". Good thing he's facing people even more stupid than he is.
  • Told you that wasn't a throwaway gag!
  • Ha ha, those crazy Germans forgetting their acce- WAIT A MINUTE! Could this mean... that Professor Rednammoc Frans is in reality...??? The mystery as to his true identity continues!
  • And no, I totally didn't reveal it in the very first panel of this page! Really, his identity is a mystery!
  • This vignette is a splendid exemplar of my philosophy of living: "math is hard, and then you die".
  • Hey! Handless' book is much bigger than the one Megan Fetishism had in page 61! And the reason is simple: he has the large script edition.
  • There's no fooling Mark Handless. Told you this would be a battle of supergeniuses!
  • Oh, that thing they're working on? That's the works. As in, you know. The works.
  • What are they doing to it, how you set up the works, and/or why does setting up the works make a 'theworks' sound effect? My dear reader, if you haven't stopped asking questions you really do not want the answer to, you haven't been reading this comic long enough.
  • Ha ha, it's funny because the guy who has no personality whatsoever outside of constantly and arbitrarily switching opinion is berating another guy for having no personality!
  • That thing is so useful, I have FOUR in my house alone. Damn aliens!
  • It would be better if our completely gracious government wasn't involved with said aliens, and the thing stopped triggering every time a government official comes to inspect my house, but eh.
  • (I have the non-sabotageable version, though. Much more useful!)
  • Big floating heads are disturbing. But that's par for the course here, innit.
  • Random fires FTW! OK, maybe they're shrubbery.
  • Wait, Chin-Luis was never actually killed by Chin-Sharp? That'll teach you to trust the trailer!
  • As he points out, Chin-Sharp dies and he will NEVER EVER RETURN.
  • Ever.
  • He's too eeemo to die so easily.
  • Jeez, he's so eeemo.
  • Commander Sn- ahem, Professor Frans is a very good improvisational schemer, kinda like Commander Snarf.
  • But he totally isn't Commander Snarf. That'd be easy. The reveal will SHOCK YOU ALL!
  • And for some reason, that eeemo guy, in between being so damn eeemo, also confuses Snarfs for some kind of body modders. What a dumbass!
  • And what an eeemo!
  • Did I mention the Epic Emo is eeemo? Because he totally is.
  • Eeemo.
  • (The above post is to be taken as racism against emos. Because they are a race. Somehow.)
  • It's not inexplicable, it's, uhm, well, erm, shut up!
  • So if she's invisible, intangible, never speaks and doesn't exist at all, how do I know she's there?
  • The explanation is the same as the cycle of resurrection and why Commander Snarf didn't steal everyone's DNA back in the first page of this story.
  • I... drew that? OH MY GOD WHAT HAVE I DONE.
  • Be right back, I'm going to get plastered.
  • Again.
  • Break out the brain bleach. You'll need it to get through next week.
  • Sigh. *takes swig from bottle, sighs*
  • Amazing how this doesn't improve when THAT stops being in the panel.
  • NNOOOOooh WHYYYY
  • Wait, I just realized that I write this thing. Why am I complaning?
  • Oh, right, I'm crazy. Duh.
  • Today's operating systems are so advanced. Why, they automatically detect spelling errors when you type commands! Could there ever be something more advanced than that?!
  • Poor Kid Emo. It's like the author of this comic decided to cosmically screw up his life in the worst way imaginable. What a bastard!
  • ...why the sudden silence?
  • *ahem
  • also, why is the Meditator a kid in these scenes? Did anyone figure that out?
  • Come back Sunday for a SCAAAARY! Halloween comic!
  • But be careful! It's SCAAAARY!
  • Just like the Epic Emo is eeemo. That is something I often forget to mention.
  • OoOoOoOoOoOoO!
  • Chefs cutting fish up wrong is OMG SO ANNOYING! That's why I have OMG TEH UNIVERSES explode when that stupid chef cuts it up wrong.
  • How is it cut up wrong? Simple, instead of cutting it right, it's cut wrong!
  • TEH ZOMGCOPTERS.
  • Also, I don't like fish.
  • Will the mistery of how we keep having mailbag pages without getting any mail ever be solved?!
  • No.
  • Don't look over here for sanity, because for this page, I got nothin'.
  • Life's as horrible as Kid Emo is eeemo.
  • Where have I seen this page before?!
  • Hmmm, also familiar... hmmm hmmm and hmmm.
  • (Plus: hmmm, but it's not worth mentioning.)
  • Spirals hanging in space are STILL not on major websites. This dread phenomenon must be stEARGHGL*
  • (This commentary has totally not been censored by your gracious government. Please hate those evil corporations, and not us!)
  • Editor's note: this comic originally stated that the standard-issue cup holders on PCs were "CD or DVD reader(s)". This glaring mistake has since been corrected.
  • Her tears may or may not be powerful acid, actually; you'll be warned when they are.
  • Ten quid's like, a billion dollars in 1992 money! What a great save!
  • Shoulda gone to the Pound Stretcher if you ask me.
  • This was the obvious reveal, the one ANYONE could figure out. It was less foreshadowed, I admit, than it was clearly stated and repeatedly that the Grammar Snarf was Fake Mondrian.
  • Remember Grammar Snarf? He was introduced waaay back in page 90! Paying attention to those little details is a very good thing!
  • On the other hand, the revelation of the real identity of Professor Rednammoc Frans will be SHOCKING! This I promise!
  • What were you expecting? Actual plot? Actual characters with credible motivations? Come on!
  • Just... good grief! What's so hard to understand? Is the mockage arrow implying the art is so bad that cars have evidently no doors?!
  • Because in that case, implications are not sufficient!
  • ...wait...
  • That's where it came from! Now no one can say that SNARFS! The Webcomic has plot.
  • Er, -holes.
  • Admit it, you wish you could do that.
  • No, not crash the car! The other thing!
  • I mean "yielding the right of way", of course, officer. Can I go now?
  • *gulp*
  • Don't drive into fruit stands. It'll only make them mad.
  • It's [update censored by a corporation, and totally not the government.]
  • Beats NOT having a system. That could get them all killed! We can't live with that odd chance they'll live!
  • ALL whinnies are evil, IMO.
  • OK, except for Winny the Pooh. He's just as dumb as a sack of bricks.
  • Ha ha, old memes are funny.
  • Why does the Grammar Snarf, like Chin-Sharp die FOREVER!!1 while most others don't? Well, it's simple.
  • In fact, I already gave the explanation to that problem in a previous comment.
  • Here's the short version: shut up.
  • No. Definitely not.
  • AN UTTERLY SHOCKING REVELATION to celebrate Snarfs' 100th page!
  • I'm very proud of how I managed to keep this under wraps. Did you guess that the Grammar Snarf reveal was something MEANT to be incredibly obvious? Then I did my job right!
  • PS: Take THAT, xkcd.
  • Woo! First mass death!
  • Well, first official mass death. First mass death that is... uhm, OK, forget it.
  • Most comics take breaks during Christmas... not Snarfs - we've got TWICE as many pages this week! Come by every day from now until Saturday, when we'll have a nice Christmas bonus spread!
  • No, that does not mean it will be well-drawn. Sorry, I don't work miracles.
  • Picture cameras in the future still suck.
  • Ah-HA! Here's the real explanation for Commander Snarf not to do that on the first panel! Because otherwise we wouldn't have had a story!
  • What do you mean, "that's a stupid explanation"? It's iron logic!
  • Or lazyness. Iron either way!
  • (Please remember that Commander Snarf, as with every single other character in this comic, is an idiot. Thank you.)
  • Which reminds me, I have to renew my DNA licence today.
  • The "Useless MacGuffin Disposal Unit" is where we store stuff that's incredibly important, and will play a major part of future series.
  • And if you believe that, I have a contract here for the Big Ben, which can be YOURS for really cheap!
  • Come back tomorrow for a CHRISTMAS SPECIAL!
  • Merry Christmas! Woo, two-thirds through the first year of SNARFs!
  • SNARFS! returns January 10th!




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Francesco Poli ||   

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