Biola actually did this.
Contracts are ridiculous, especially for common everyday things that are supposed to be easy. Nevertheless, it's your own fault for not reading them.
School exists to make you appreciate the rest of life.
Again, Biola actually did this.
For some strange reason, personal religious beliefs are touchy when applied to humor, even at a religious educational institution. They didn't print this one. Go figure.
Perhaps the biggest in-joke, which is why nobody gets it. To explain, at Biola attendance card scanners are invariably female, the theme of the conference this year is Sex, and there's a 40 foot tall mural of Jesus. Yes, that setup could lead to a far more controversial joke, but I do have editors. This one just involves cutting up posters to vandalize the mural.
Politically I'm a conscientious objector.
And of course the follow up. Congrats to the victor. At least you're not as bad as the other guy in some areas.
These things write themselves. This is straight out of the Student Handbook.
Why are there no Atheist institutions? Indoctrination is silly, even when faith is reasonable.
Because who else is going to care that students are breaking arbitrary rules?
A fun excursion into epic surrealism. This may have actually happened.