It is early October and probably should come as less of a surprise to me that it did that the site is all about the November issue.
Why is Dr. Jennings running away? That's dumb.
So, what does Marie Claire have in store for us (Those are giant fucking robots!) this month? Well, I'll tell you and I'll tell you briefly because a) this movie is awesome and I want to watch it more and b) this magazine is really tremendously awful.
An interview with Charlize Theron
which details her triumph over a painful childhood. Good. She's 30 and has lots of fucking money, she should be over her goddamn childhood. She also explains that triumph is sweet and love has healing properties. I'm sure the
endorphin release from love is quite potent, but I wouldn't bet on it against, say,
penicillin.
Men Reveal Your Sexiest Look - What he thinks looks sexy on you
Ladies... we don't care. What looks sexy on you? Nothing. Be naked. There's other stuff, but, seriously, we don't think about it much. I highly advise that this section be changed to "What he Thinks Looks Ugly on You" but if that happened, shoe companies would lose what they on the streets call
"mad cheddah."
And the biggest most ridiculous thing in Marie Claire...
785 New Ideas & 224 must-have beauty buys
Oh my god. I mean... what the fuck? Giant tentacle-armed robots stealing Giovanni Ribisi? What? This move is so excellent.
So, okay, 785 + 224 = 1009... So, 1009 things you ought to know stuffed into, what? 200 pages? And how many of these things can actually be important? What the hell is wrong with you people? I mean... no, I give up. This is impossible, Marie Claire is retarded.
The Opposite of History
When Marie Claire first came on the market in 1912, it boasted a bawdy picture of Lucy Duff-Gordon on the cover and the text "Ankle's Away!" to go along with their then ludicrous claim of "2 Pieces of Indespensible Advice Regarding Your Pulchritude" and a coupon for discount balneo-therapeutics.
Thank you, Marie Claire.
'til next time, I'm Ian K. so you don't have to be.
