The Baron von Fieffelfalsfaffel is a denizen of the Undercity, and has
at the behest of Queen Elspeth carried out several dangerous missions.
These missions usually take him to remote, underpopulated places with
fierce climates very far from the Undercity. The baron takes this as a
sign of the queen's immense belief in his abilities. While other
courtiers tremble as the Queen opens her feared "Directory of Remote,
Underpopulated Places with a Fierce Climate Very Far from the Undercity"
in search of a suitable assignment, the baron finds such occasions
ground for a parade of trusty men and long dinner talks. The learned
alchemist Ioannes once held forth that the baron's IQ exactly matched
his manhood, which caused the baron to blush and beam for all the wrong
reasons. ?(The basic measures in the Undercity are comparable to the
basic units of our metric and psychological systems. Although they do use a pentagonal numbering system.)
The learned reader will know that Witch Queen Elspeth's realm has no
geographical boundaries. Thus the title "baron" as used in the Undercity
is not equivalent to the same title in England, ?where it reffered to someone
who had his lands directly from the king or queen. The title is akin to
the later Norwegian baron, who replaced the earlier jarls. A jarl
("earl") held great lands in his own right, and his allegiance to the
king was a matter decided by honour, negotiations or war. Our Baron is
the first to use this newfangled title (he thought he needed something
grander). His father, the old Earl Tankbarth IV Fieffelfalsfaffel,
although abdicated, still lives (and indeed does all the saying of laws,
settling of disputes and chopping of heads - that is, work - back in the
old country, while his son and his guard struts around court.
Baron von Fieffelfalsfaffel is stinking rich. He has the squarest jaw in
Europe, the greatest libido of the Middle Ages, the campiest dressed
guardsmen before the Janissaries, is an eminent fencer, an athlete, ?a
reknowned braggart, suffers from a selective dyslexia that makes it
impossible for him to understand the word "no", has a bad habit of
putting his foot where his mouth is, and is the living horror of every
woman born with a brain.
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