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The Baron von Fieffelfalsfaffel.

The Baron von Fieffelfalsfaffel is a denizen of the Undercity, and has at the behest of Queen Elspeth carried out several dangerous missions. These missions usually take him to remote, underpopulated places with fierce climates very far from the Undercity. The baron takes this as a sign of the queen's immense belief in his abilities. While other courtiers tremble as the queen opens her feared "Directory of Remote, Underpopulated Places with a Fierce Climate Very Far from the Undercity" in search of a suitable assignment, the baron finds such occasions ground for a parade of trusty men and long dinner talks. The learned alchemist Ioannes once held forth that the baron's IQ exactly matched his manhood, which caused the baron to blush and beam for all the wrong reasons. (The basic measures in the Undercity are comparable to the basic units of our metric and psychological systems. Although they do they use a pentagonal numbering system.)

The learned reader will know that Witch Queen Elspeth's realm has no geographical boundaries. Thus the title "baron" as used in the Undercity is not equivalent of the same title in England, where it meant a one who had his lands directly from the king or queen. The title is akin to the later Norwegian baron, who replaced the earlier jarls. A jarl ("earl") held great lands in his own right, and his allegiance to the king was a matter decided by honour, negotiations or war. Our Baron is the first to use this newfangled title (he thought he needed something grander). His father, the old Earl Tankbarth IV Fiffelfalsfaffel, although retireded, still lives (and indeed does all the saying of laws, settling of disputes and chopping of heads - that is, work - back in the old country, while his son and his guard strut around court.

Baron von Fieffelfalsfaffel is stinking rich. He has the squarest jaw in Europe, the greatest libido of the Middle Ages and the campest-dressed guardsmen before the Janissaries. He is an eminent fencer, an athlete, a reknowned braggart, suffers from a selective dyslexia that makes it impossible for him to understand the word "no", has a bad hait of putting his foot where his mouth is, and is the living horror of every woman born with a brain.

If there is one single, foolhardy stunt of derring-do that has marked the baron as a brave man in the eyes of his fellow nobles, it must be this: ever since he came to court, he's been wooing the deadly Countess Alcydia. So far, he has only missing teeth to show for his efforts. Being who he is, he takes such lover's tiffs as strong encouragement.

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There are two sides to this story! Read the other side at Alcydia.

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