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Smithson Thus Far... ·

Dave Van Domelen (dvandom) says: Easy solution...get them to transcribe the files onto computer before eating the hardcopy.
Basil Jelly (basil_jelly) says:

Wrong solution. Add a green copy to each form for silverfish use.

One orginaal copy, one circulating copy, one file copy, one food copy.

THIS is the gov't way.



Dave Van Domelen (dvandom) says: Actually, now that I think about it, give 'em a few more hours and they'll evolve into energy beings and leave this plane of existence anyway.
Rachel S. (masamage) says: Holy cow, what a font. That is one loud bug.
Jane Narbon (lady_madsci) says:

Why not give the silverfish the contents of the recycle bin? Or give them sensitive material that needs to be destroyed (no paper shredder needed)?


The Mad Scientist Wars: 

Still no response from my (prospective) date. I hope he got my message.

In other news, I've decided what hardware to take along. Oh, is Aaron in for a big surprise...

Heh heh heh. 

So It Begins (soitbegins) says:

Can they eat old newspapers? How clean does the paper have to be?

The Mad Scientist Wars:

Phew! I finally get a chance to move again. My new body's complete, and... what the... who wrecked my lab?!

Tribbles? Now who was it gave me those?! And since I'm using an entropic filing system... they ate the most important stuff. Great. Oh well, nothing else for it...


Ed Gedeon (eddurd) says:

How can anyone not be moved by the plight of the silverfish children?  Because, as everyone knows, "All the world loves a larva."

(NOTE:  I was planning to use this pun in my own work, but given my glacial rate of updating, it'll probably be a year before I get to that point in the story.  By then you will have blissfully forgotten it, and I can inflict it upon you again.   Mwahahahaha and all that ...)

Justin Grubbs (the_purple_knight) says: *Bows Graciously* Thank You, thank you very much. (Just so you know, those tribbles are going to die in a couple of hours. I made it so that they can't be sent back to me that way.)
Sean O'Kelly (malakai47) says:



Aaron Shades (prof_tinker) says:

. . . . yes, what *shall* we tell the larva, eh? 'm bloody well interested now.

 The Mad Wars

Dear Miss jane Narbon,

While i am incredibly honored by your prospect of a fine thinly-veiled attempt on my life through romance, i must decline.

You see, So It Begins  has a better chance at ensnaring me in a faux-romance than you do, shall we say. 


And justin? Kudos, good sir! *claps happily* Magnificent! A fine display of geek reference and Deadly Weapon! Why, not since the MPFC Black Knight 3000 have I seen such a display.

Edwin Quantrall (reynard) says:


There are plenty of solutions to the Silverfish problem (in addition to those mentioned above):

Old Phone Books.

Old paperback books.

Old Bibles and religious tracts. (Except for anything by Jack Chick -- we don't want to *kill* the poor things, after all...)

Old catalogues.

Old magazines, etc. 

Eric (erichamion) says:

What shall we tell the larvae?

Nothing.  The silverfish are obviously shrewd negotiators, playing on Tip's sympathies.

First, they can live over a year without food.   I'm sure a little diet - maybe a 3-month fast - wouldn't hurt them.

Second, even if the first point were false (who knows?  they are irradiated), there are so many other food sources it doesn't matter.  Outside the suggestions for getting more paper to them, I'm sure the office supplies they've pilfered include a bottle or two of Elmer's, which would be a feast.

Third and most telling, there are no larvae!  Silverfish hatch as nymphs, not larvae.  So there are no wriggley wormy things, just teeny tiny silverfish.  Since they don't exist, the silverfish needn't tell the larvae anything.

No, I don't just know all this.  When the silverfish were first identified, I did some googling.  This page has all the above information: 

Tiff Hudson (tiff_hudson) says:


Cripes! Those silverfish could make a killing working for Iron Mountain. 

So It Begins (soitbegins) says:

What the-- what happened to the comments that were here?

Madsci Wars:

So this upstart'll wreck my lab with tribbles, huh?  Well...ok. Get a sample of the Tribbles' DNA before they all die, crossbreed them, so forth...

AHA! I have created the INVISIBLE TRIBBLE!

I think I'll send 3 or 4 of these to Mr. Purple Knight, by way of thanking him for clearing up my messy desk.

Jane Narbon (lady_madsci) says:

I don't know - they just vanished. 


Uh-oh. I can see trouble coming. Break out the therapy puppets!


The Mad Scientist Wars:

What? He rejects my invitation on the grounds that it would have been an attempt on his life?! How can he be so distrustful? If worst had come to worst, I'd have only singed him a bit.

Anyway, I'll fix his wagon.

Let me see... ah!

(hours later)

Ok, let me see. Computer, load this fleet of remote-controlled drone model planes with disintegration bombs, then tell them to drop the bombs on the lab of a certain Professor Tinker after he leaves. Once this is done, have the plane carrying the note-- say, where did I put that note? Oh. Haven't written it yet. Hold command.

Now then...

"I hope you enjoyed the bombardment! Consider it my gift to you.

Jane Narbon

P.S: If you ever change your mind and do decide you want to have dinner, my schedule's always open."

Yes. Computer, resume command recording.

...then, have a plane drop this note in the rubble. Launch planes... now.

Heh heh heh.

Ed Gedeon (eddurd) says:

Don't panic, Tip.  What he meant was that you must defeat the monster centipede in "Mortal Kombat", as in the video game.  Of course, considering the number of appendages that the centipede has to work the controller, you are gonna get pwned soooooo bad.

As for the honor guard, now I have the march from "Aida", played by teensy-weensy trumpets, going through my head.

Scott Davidson (mrson) says:

Considering the size of the silverfish, "enourmous monster" centipedes may just be a few inches long.

 But then, whose luck is that good in a webcomic?

Dave Van Domelen (dvandom) says: Repost: depends on whether enormous is bigger than colossal, I guess. And whether the silverfishi use D20 size charts.
Jeffrey Channing Wells (channing) says: DVD: So, are the silverfish "fine", would you say?  And if you do say so, does that mean you are coming on to them?!?
Jeremy Berg (pisceneanteater) says: [rimshot for the Warren Commission joke]
Shaenon Garrity (shaenongarrity) says:
Personally, I hope they're the centipedes from the video game "Centipede." Low-res is so much easier to draw.
Aaron Shades (prof_tinker) says:

Tip is the master of the 'I have a bad feeling about this' look. I suppose that in his job, he has to be.

also, that is a very emotive silverfish. Kudos.

The Mad Wars:

. . . . . MY LAB!!!! Great Googly-Moogly, Someone has reduced my lab to so much rubble and dust!

Wait, theres a note.

. . . . good grief. I guess he meant it. Well, I'll be.

Well, I'll get Fluffy to call up the regular guys to fix my lab again, they give me a discount for every five repairs. In the meantime. . . . I'd better deal with this Miss. Narbon.

"Dear Miss. Narbon

Do fogive me for causing you offense, I had no such intention to do so. I merely wished to try and gently insinuate that I am, shall we say, a Michalangelo rather than a Picasso.

I would be delighted to accompany you to dinner, just as soon as my bedamnned lab is back up.


Justin Grubbs (the_purple_knight) says:

Thinking about that silverfish getting up on a podium and speaking to his people makes me laugh. Friends, Silverfish, Fortezzans, lend me your antennae. I come not to starve our children but to save them.

Mad Science Wars:

What, why can't I get into my Lab? There appears to be some sort of squishy invisible wall. Computer analyze!



Well as long as we're playing up the ante I'll just send him invisible EXPLODING tribbles.


Dave Van Domelen (dvandom) says: I almost added the "Fine" joke, but thought better of it.
David Harmon (mental_mouse) says:

A historical forebear of Mustachio:


Basil Jelly (basil_jelly) says:

"As for the honor guard, now I have the march from "Aida", played by teensy-weensy trumpets, going through my head."

 With horsefly elephants. 



So It Begins (soitbegins) says:

Oh dear. I suspect that giant == GIANT.

The Madboy (+Madgirl) wars:

Ahhh, another quiet day at the lab. Time to sit back, relax, and hammer out the details of my latest plot to take over the world.


Wha-- what was that? And what's with the impact crater in my floor?


Ok, this is just weird. If it's Mr. Purple Knight trying to get back at me for the tribbles, then--


This is getting ridiculous. Prime, what's causing the bangs?


<source determined to be invisible exploding tribbles>


Well, then, I think I'll outsmart him. Send him... I know. Send him this empty box. Then we will see how he reacts.


Incog Neato (ghede) says: If the centipedes don't get you, the radium water might.
John Vertical (tropylium) says: "Demense". That took some checking.
So It Begins (soitbegins) says: Ummm... that's 'demesne', I think.
Jane Narbon (lady_madsci) says:

It's going to be all right... everything's fine...


The Mad Scientist Wars:

Well, the date is set, the place is chosen, and soon I shall be eating dinner with Professor Tinker. The best part is that I've got everything handled... when he gets there, he'll see one good-looking madgirl, alone, unarmed, and harmless.

Well... mostly harmless. 

Ed Gedeon (eddurd) says: Eating his makeup and then making him fight a giant radiocorrosive whatzit?  That's just demesnest thing ever.
Dave Van Domelen (dvandom) says: Demesne is just a fancy way of spelling "domain". I only know it because it's part of the gaming jargon of Exalted. ;)
So It Begins (soitbegins) says: Well, it still sounds cooler. And you can do such stuff as 'the sorceress's demesne' or 'the mad scientist's demesne' with it, too!
Justin Grubbs (the_purple_knight) says:

How many giant leaking containers could the government possibly have. I definitely wouldn't go in there.

I bet the chemicals have become some sort of soup that the centipedes drink. And then die from. But those who didn't became super monsters. Like Apocalypse.

Mad Sci Wars:

What's this? A box? Hmm, I'd better not touch this, computer analyze contents.


Dagnabbit, I didn't get the tribbles out before they ate all but the Fake Foreign Lanuage vocabulator. There's only one thing to do.

*Presses Big Red Self-Destruct Button*

EVACUATE!!! Oh, yeah, it's just me.


Well, too bad it's gone, but at least I'm safe from whatever was in that box. Now, I'll rebuild in the kitchen of my brother's restaurant, Bob's Steakhouse. 

Aaron Shades (prof_tinker) says:

Yeesh, ti. What more could you want?

Subversion Alert: Centipedes turn out to be reular-sized, or just big to the silverfish. OR they were attcked by the silverfish first, and are peacefull.

But again, Tip just couldn't be that lucky.

Wars of the Mad:

Well, my lab/library is almost back up, and this time I got some blast-proofing done. Just now i hav ethat bedamned dinner offer hanging over my head.

. .  well, best make the most of it. I think i still have some blood-daises in the back yard.  But Ineed backup, and most of my supplies are gone. I can wing it with evil-linguistics and Fluffy though. 

So It Begins (soitbegins) says: What on earth is a 'blood daisy', anyway?!
David Harmon (mental_mouse) says:

SIB:  Blood Daisy


Thomas Levy (ergonomytch) says: Makes you wonder what made Italy Italian...
NigaiAmai Yume (nigaiamai_yume) says: It's ok to have comic-book-style radiation, as long as you're consistant about it. So, no cancer, but giant monsters are cool. With sufficient camp factor. And that "yucky" face in panel three provides enough. ^-^
Thomas Levy (ergonomytch) says: Oh, and I like how he accented that hazmat suit with a floral print scarf. Safety is no excuse for looking drab.
Dave Van Domelen (dvandom) says: Blame it on Enrico Fermi.

Oh, and Tip...floral prints with hazmat orange? Pish tosh. Have you no paisley scarves?

Dave Van Domelen (dvandom) says: Oh, and...YAY MR. YUCK!
Rockphed (rockphed) says:

Dave Van Domelen (dvandom) says: Oh, and Tip...floral prints with hazmat orange? Pish tosh. Have you no paisley scarves?

 Perhaps it is a Hazmat Orange Floral Print.

Alycia Shedd (leeshajoy) says: Who says it's Hazmat Orange? Perhaps it's a nice Hazmat Coral Pink.
D. Connolly (theogrin) says:

Undoubtedly, the silverfish have begun to derive their culture from the books they devour, the paper's ink carefully scoured and rewritten, meticulously transcribed (on tiny scraps) before they feast upon that which gave them their livelihood, their renaissance, their world.  And that sounds depressingly enough like numerous political events in human affairs that it -must- be true.

I bet they devoured the original of Il trionfo di Clelia.  Philistines.

D. Connolly (theogrin) says:

And it occurs to me only _now_, after I've posted that prior comment, that undoubtedly the mortal enemies of the silverfish are a brutish force, opposed to them, and holding their own dominion over a separate room of the basement...

I daresay there's a great potential for the War of the Silverfish Succession, here.

So It Begins (soitbegins) says:

20 chances to 10 Tip'll have to deal with ninja centipedes!

The Madsci Wars:

Well, if nothing else, I now know that Mr. Purple Knight is a bit of an over-reactor. Also, the small quantity of nanobots I hid in the box should have hitched a ride on him by now. Once he rebuilds, the bots will drop off and bug his new lair.

Heh heh heh.

Jane Narbon (lady_madsci) says:

I actually vote for the centipedes being 1) sentient, and 2) British, old chap.


The Mad Scientist Wars: 

Well, let me go over everything again.

Swallowed a 24-hour time-release dose of Universal Antidote: Check.

Turned on all the electronic stuff (and my cell phone): Check.

Practiced walking in high heels: Check. (ouch) 

Tool belt is fully charged and in stealth mode: Check.


Ah well, here goes...

Ah, you must be the famous Professor Tinker. How are you feeling tonight? Fine? Wonderful! Shall we go?

Hmmmm... seems decent enough. I think that I'll do nothing nefarious. Not just yet. Conversation is sometimes a better tactic. Also, he brought that &#*$ vorpal bunny. I've told my tool belt to teleport a Holy Stun Grenade directly to me if necessary. 

Yes. I'll wait, and talk, and have a good meal. Then, I will decide what to do.

What could possibly go wrong?

(ominous roll of thunder) 


Basil Jelly (basil_jelly) says:

"I bet they devoured the original of Il trionfo di Clelia.  Philistines."

If they are going to upchuck an old opera I'd prefer

Ed Gedeon (eddurd) says: As for old operas, why not Il barbiere di Silvifishia?
Johnny Assay (johnny_assay) says:

We already have one British character manning the desk upstairs, though.  While British centipedes would be fun, I don't know if there's room for another pommy in the strip... My money's on German, or possibly Greek.


Oh, and you have to love a strip that gets you to speculate on the nationality & sentience of centipedes. 

Michael Taub (otakuloki) says:

Now, now...  Why is everyone assuming Tip's hazmat suit is orange? I agree that the floral print scarf is going to go poorly with that, but we're talking Tip, here.  He knows this. 

So I find it more likely that Tip is wearing one of two other color schema for hazmat suits.  First is the logical possibility that he's simply wearing a radcon suit, not a hazmat suit - in which case the suit will be a bright canary yellow.  And everyone knows that canary yellow just screams for a nice floral print, in jewel tones, to set it off properly.  

Of course, since this is Ms. Garrity's work we're dealing with - I figure that there's at least some chance that the gov't has supplied Tip with the lowest common denomenator hazmat suit.  That is one suitable for dealing with wastewater, sewage and other more common (if smelly) hazards.  Yes, I think it's most likely that Tip has been stuck in a Poopy Suit, not a proper hazmat suit.  Which would be white,and so the floral print scarf could go with that quite well, too.  

Steve Ford (sford) says: Irradiated bugs in leaky sub-basements?  Now we know why Tip wanted more field work.
Sor Cyress (sorcyress) says: Regardless of whether or not it clashes, the scarf made me giggle. Thanks Shaenon. 
Eric Williamson (nytefyre) says: Right, even having your head chewed on by a lion beats wearing a hazmat suit to deal with creepy-crawlies.
Brand Willis (brandyllyn) says:

Well, he got the suit from "ANNEX _____", so if you can figure out where or what the Annex is, then you'd have good idea of what color it is.

And is just me, or does that third panel look like a space invaders on the moon kind of shot? 

Jeffrey Channing Wells (channing) says: Brand, the suit reads "Annex One".  In a blink-and-you'll-miss-it line, Tip identifies the name of the facility he works at back on March 3.
Justin Grubbs (the_purple_knight) says:

I think the dead smily face on the giant leaking barrel is great. It makes me want to draw some not dead ones. Not necessarily alive, but probably not dead.

Mad Science Wars:

Ah, how I love a walk through an electromagnetic screen. I always feel so clean. I'll just empty whatever came off into this pot. I sure hope nobody uses it for soup. Especially since I just put Vorpal Bunny Nip into it.

Dave Van Domelen (dvandom) says: Justin: the "dead smiley face" is Mr. Yuck.
Aaron Shades (prof_tinker) says:

. . . so there are *other* radiation-induced sentient beings who are randomly italian? My Dear Mistress Garrity, does this have anything to do with your husband, the Bambino himself?


The Mad Wars (we swear,as soon as the forum lets us on. .)

Fluffy has his best collar on, I have my best Louie the Seventh shoes (they're not heels!) on, and my best evil manuscrip in my pocket just in case. 

*hand out a bouquet of ruby-red Blood Daises*

My dear Miss Narbon, you look lovely.  You don't mind Fluffy coming, do you? You see, *something* destroyed my domicile just today. Now, I know the best little place with this  *fabulous* soup they have. . .

Dave Van Domelen (dvandom) says: But are they German?
Adam Underfoot (unnatural20) says:

Only a little bitte. 

So It Begins (soitbegins) says:


The Ditto Wars:

Suddenly, as Professor Tinker was exchanging light salvos of conversation with his *ahem* nemesis, Jane Narbon, Fluffy the Vorpal Bunny became alert. Someone, or something, out there, had deployed VorpalBunnynip.

Quickly, despite the surprise of his Master, Fluffy raised his head and flew off to the east.

Ed Gedeon (eddurd) says:

It appears the centipedes are not monster-sized nor sentient.  However, they do breathe fire and shoot microwave beams from their eyes.

Jane Narbon (lady_madsci) says:

What the-- those are ordinary centipedes!!

Well, unless they THEN turn giant-sized and breathe fire.


The Mad Scientist Wars: 

Professor Tinker seems to be quite a nice guy. He even brought me blood daisies! We've talked about some of his past capers. I've managed to talk him (without his realizing it) into giving up information on soitbegins AND this purple knight fellow. I even managed to get him to spill the details about his upcoming lab security system!!

It gets better. That vorpal bunny, Fluffy, left a while ago. It's as if he scented something irresistible. So now the question: Ally with him or control him? Right now, I think control might be in order, but that will have to wait until the right time.

And yet... 

Aagh! Not now. 

So, Professor, you snuck a what in his lair exactly?

Justin Grubbs (the_purple_knight) says:

Tip looks absolutely ridiculous in panel three.

Ah well, that's what comes of being a fashion-savvy man.

Mad Science Wars:


Brand Willis (brandyllyn) says: I call babies.  Those are baby enormous monster centipedes, and they're going to get their big brothers.  I've totally seen this on Looney Toones.
Steve Ford (sford) says: Tip is being me in this one.  Ok, I can usually stifle the "screaming like a girl" part, but just barely.
Martha Mintz (muffinthamighty) says: This one definately got a guffaw.
NigaiAmai Yume (nigaiamai_yume) says: I like the screaming like a little girl with the apparently co-current reasonable interior monologue.
Dave Van Domelen (dvandom) says: Hm, they seem to be legless centipedes. Poor little guys....
Ed Gedeon (eddurd) says:

Now, are the centipedes like Summer-Of-Love hippies, or like martial-artist monks?  They're either going to sing really bad folk songs, or nimbly attack his boots.

Martha Mintz (muffinthamighty) says: Or they could be rasta!
Andy Wetmore (efogoto) says: They look more like pasta.
Jane Narbon (lady_madsci) says:

Of course, they'll soon turn giant-sized and breathe fire, right?


...pretty please?


The Mad Scientist Wars: 

From what I've seen of Professor Tinker, allying him would be a worthwile proposition. He seems more trustworthy than some of my contemporaries.

... or, I could control him instead and have a new henchman. Tricky choice. One choice leads to full intelligence but only partial trust, the other choice the exact opposite. Hmm... I think I'll knock him out, take him back to the lab, then decide what to do with him.

Now, what exactly did I pack that'll help me pull this one off? Aha! Here we go. I'm so glad that Joss Whedon thought of this one-- I probably never would have stumbled upon the idea myself. Now, I just need a little distraction...

As the check comes (great food, including the best lobster bisque I have ever tasted), I reach for it, and accidentally knock my drink into my lap. At least the dress can be dry cleaned...

A few minutes later, I've been to the restroom and cleaned the stain up as best I could... and I'm ready to implement my plan.

This will be good. 


Brand Willis (brandyllyn) says: Wow, I just had a total flashback to Lost.  I hope at they're Scottish.
So It Begins (soitbegins) says:

I vote for the fighting monks, myself.

The MadSci Wars:

Phew! Another quiet day at the office. Those nanobots I sent should start transmitting any moment now... what the?! Why are they in a big dish? And isn't that a lop-eared...

Well. It looks as if I now have gotten bots in Professor Tinker's vorpal bunny. I'll tell them to lodge in the rabbit's vision and hearing brain circuitry. Then, I... WHOA.

Whatever else was in that pot, it made Fluffly go wild! It looks as if it's ransacking this restaraunt, and the secret lab hidden beneath it. As far as I could tell from the wild ride the monitors received, it looks as if it was Mr. Purple Knight's lab.


Now, let's see here. At normal effects of Vorpal Bunny Nip, it'll wear off in about 2 hours, then the rabbit'll be out for about 10 hours more. Then, he'll return to Professor Tinker, and I'll have bugged (or rabbited) his lab without even realizing it!

Heh heh heh.

Aaron Shades (prof_tinker) says:

Nice! Peaceful, and normal sized! Tip might actually be lucky for once. Were the silverfish the instigators, or do we have a mistake.

The Mad Wars

Well, this has been a pleasant evening so far. Pleaant, intelligent conversation, good food.  pity about Miss Narbons outfit.

 . . . what the-! Fluffy! What's gotten into you?! No! Bad Bunny! He's acting as if- Vorpal Bunny Nip! Oh, dear. . . .

*gets up to chase after Fluffy* I'll have to ask the waiter to make my excuses of Miss Narbon.  

Edwin Quantrall (reynard) says: I'm hoping that He can negotiate some sort of accommodation between the centipedes and the silverfish.
Steve Ford (sford) says:

They don't look like house centipedes

They look more like

Let's home it's not one of 

D. Connolly (theogrin) says:

(In honor of Eric Burns' own poem - check the archives for that one!) 

Dear audience, I wish to speak of war,
For wars are such that culture rises on,
Two houses, locked in struggle evermore,
From day to day, each night and every dawn.

The silverfish, a house of great repute,
And centipedes, whose strength was boasted of,
Once met, in feast, the 'cultured' and the 'brute'--
But that one day, they pressed from push to shove.

For, you see, the silverfish, devout,
Were quite opposed to centipedes' brute force;
Their artistry and music all about
The benefits of thought, above the coarse.

Now, after all, no modern man would claim
That silverfish and centipedes should fight;
Their dietary habits hold no blame;
And one might hope that culture brings us light.

Still, on that day, the fateful feast began,
A celebration much adored by all -
The centipedes had brought fair fare, again
(For this was not the first, the festive ball.)

Now it is clear, to any modern man,
That centipedes and silverfish are not
the sort of creatures that would go to plan
A tryst, between one bug of either lot.

Yet that fine day, in storage annex B,
This tryst came to fruition, it might seem
A lonely girl, a silverfish of three
(Months, of course) was found in state unclean.

The centipede, to benefit of all,
Tried not to hide behind a screen of lies;
His love professed, to houses big and small --
But none of them would listen to his cries.

"We love!" the pair would state assertively,
To all those feelers cold and indiscreet;
But to no good - the pair discovered furtively
Were torn apart, for ne'er the twain should meet.

That day, a war was founded 'twixt the two,
The houses taking arms against their foe -
And to this time, the noble red and charming blue
Still fight, amongst the annexes below.

Jeffrey Channing Wells (channing) says: Wow.  Nicely done, Dennis.
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The education bestowed on Shaenon K. Garrity by her parents had been expensive, athletic and prolonged. ... full profile