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Smithson Thus Far... ·

Michael Brewer (wusemajor) says: I do not understand how she eats that stuff.  Dog food?!?  Eaten Dry!?!  Doesn't she know that if you add water it makes it's own gravy?
vicka corey (drbrain) says:

i don't know why this is funny.  but it totally is.

i want to hang it in my kitchen, possibly near the pet bowls.

Rob (rrreed) says: I personally feel that adding milk ruins most breakfast cereals. Especially Frosted Mini-Wheats.

And I'm not even going to ask how Sweetheart got her dinner out of the oven, much less removed the film over the tray.
Adam Underfoot (unnatural20) says: Sweetheart didn't. Unity did it for her. That's why Sweetheart was getting Unity's dinner ready. Unity is certainly strong enough to lift her own bag of dog food.
John Campbell (jcampbel) says:

Man, no wonder Unity hungers for brains. I would too if the alternative were kibble.

*eyes the new storyline name* 

So It Begins (soitbegins) says: Shouldn't that be, y'know, the other way around?
William Hostman (aramis) says:

Dry kibble is not that bad, especially when washed down with cheap beer. (It ruins the taste of decent beer, but Lucky washes it back OK...)

And, y'know, most breakfast cerals qualify as kibble... as do granolabars after having them in a pocket.

 I love the irony, BTW, but this one's a bit predictable.

Pete Bleackley (petethemadscientist) says: I can't identify a classic children's fiction reference in the title.
Ed Gedeon (eddurd) says:

@Pete: How about the classic children's song, "I'm Looking Over My Dead Dog Rover"? 

(TUNE: "Crazy Train", Ozzy Ozbourne)

Dude how can you eat that?!
TV dinner's lame!
I'm going off my di-et with Gravy Train!

Tiff Hudson (tiff_hudson) says: @Pete: Old Yeller?
Andrew Kunz (miyaa) says: I bet both would fight over bacon. Why, because it's bacon!
Bill McGann (odo) says: This is twisted, yet somehow apropos
Warren Terra (warren_terra) says:

I've heard that the "meat" ingredients of kibble are largely portions of the livestock that he humans don't want to see on their plate - i.e., the viscera and the brains.
That's right - Unity is eating a nutritionally balanced meal (allegedly) containing a considerable portion of brains.

Darn today's comic strip and its hypocrisy in flouting some dietary stereotypes and yet pandering to others! 

P.S. Sweetheart eats TV dinners? I thought she was the smart, sensitive, lefty member of the team - and yet there she is with all that disposable packaging!

John Breckenridge (jbrecken) says: It's probably a reference to No More Dead Dogs by Gordon Korman, a novel for teens that also comments on the trend in literature for youngsters to kill animals.
Tiff Hudson (tiff_hudson) says: Warren: I'm sure Sweetheart licks the aluminum trays clean. Mix them with lye and water and you have great generator for both heat and hydrogen gas. Don't try this at home. My hydrogen still blew up in my back yard back when I was a kid...caustic death everywhere. But it probably gives Unity oodles of playtime.
Joyce Melton (halfelven) says: Cobbler? Is this a Healthy Choice Salisbury Steak Dinner with the Apple-Cranberry cobbler? Pretty good actually. And -- my dog likes it too.
Rachel S. (masamage) says: Sweetheart is so cute. o_o
Rob (rrreed) says: @Tiff Too bad the manufacturers switched to varieties of paper and plastic trays over twenty years ago to facilitate microwaving.

Given Unity's behavior today, my questions from yesterday still stand. Can you see Sweetheart letting her near her dinner at any time?
John Wells (johnwwells) says: Sweetheart's self-control is admirable, given that she knows that Unity's hand can be reattached. I know someone who still has the fork scars from a food-sneaking attempt that ended painfully.
So It Begins (soitbegins) says: *snicker*
Eff Macadhaimh (macadhaimhs) says: When it comes to defending the food supply, dogs never know when to choose their battles wisely!
Tiff Hudson (tiff_hudson) says: Rob: Twenty years ago? Cripes. I've gotten old.
Ed Gedeon (eddurd) says:

(TUNE: "Walking In Memphis", Bruce Springsteen)

I'm a creepin'-up zombie,
Going after your Healthy Choice microwave meal!
Creepin'-up zombie!
Sweetheart, it's your cobbler I'm gonna steal ...

Steve Huff (hakamadare) says: could i possibly love the current arc more? i think not!
shui lung (draconautus) says: This is every dog's dream-the human eating kibble while the dog gets the good stuff.  I showed this to my dog and she laughed so hard she brought up a hairball . . .
shui lung (draconautus) says:

To the tune of "All for me grog."

She's after me steak, me salisbury steak,
Salisbury steak an' Apple Cobbler!
I'll defend it with me teeth
from the zombie sneakin' thief
Who's after me Salisbury steak an' Cobbler!

Johnn Reynolds (sleepyjohn) says: @johnwells: whatever Unity uses for a circulatory fluid, Sweetheart knows it won't go well over Salisbury steak.
David Toboz (professor_zobot) says:


First off: If a stuffed Sweetheart doll (I'd buy one) was ever produced, I'd have to insist that it say phrases like "Stop Doing that!" when squeezed.

Second off: I'm loving Sweetheart's ears in this strip. Very expressive. And Unity's smile is just perfect!

Andrew Kunz (miyaa) says:

I discovered last night that dogs love pasta. Especially when there's shrimp with your said pasta.

Also, remind me to introduce Unity to the the Hamburglar.

Harris Bias (polychrome) says: So, the carpet does match the curtains.
M. Alan Thomas II (crazydreamer) says: *fdl at the "Fire . . . bad" reference*
Joyce Melton (halfelven) says: I think Sweetheart really wants to believe there's a beast inside. :) 
Andrew Kunz (miyaa) says: Must be some rug.
Michael Martin (mcmartin) says: Joyce: I think Sweetheart is afraid that her beast within is a manatee.
m k (eruonna) says: "Fire... bad?" needs to be a shirt or something.  Her expression is perfect.
So It Begins (soitbegins) says: RAMPAGE!
Ed Gedeon (eddurd) says:

How the heck does Unity's carpet match her curtains?

(TUNE: "Battle Hymn of the Republic")

Oh, my passion for pudenda led me down a painful path,
'Cause I tried to spy on Unity while she was in the bath;
But she kicked me in the jew-els, talk about the "Grapes Of Wrath"!
Don't peek at Unity!

Does the carpet match the curtains?
Just one way to tell for certain ...
If you try, then you'll be hurtin'!
Don't peek at Unity!

Jeffrey Channing Wells (channing) says:

Sheesh, nobody Goes There faster than you guys...

David Harmon (mental_mouse) says:

Ed:  Not Unity's, you goober! :-)

Joyce, Michael:  I think Sweetheart's read too many self-help books meant for humans.  Her beast is outside!  Anyway, her behavior suggests she's in fact an alpha-dominant -- as such, she rarely needs to actually fight,she can just glare opponents down. 

Johnn Reynolds (sleepyjohn) says: Rampage!  She's going to put the tinfoil from her dinner in the trash and not the recycling bin!  AAAAAAH!
Steve Ford (fordsfords) says: I never buy t-shirts.  I never buy posters.  I never buy mugs, caps, or mousepads.  (Ok, I did buy Andrew's "T-NUTS" pad.  NEENER, NEENER!).  But, I WILL buy a Unity "Fire ... bad?" ANYTHING!
Andrew Kunz (miyaa) says: There goes the PG-13 rating for this comic's forum.
Cat Bascle (mage_cat) says: @ miyaa We still had one before now?
David Toboz (professor_zobot) says:

While the strip's focusing on the comedy duo of Unity and Sweetheart, I'd like to take an opportunity to ask a question I'm not sure has been put forward before. What sort of breed of dog is Sweetheart, anyway?

I get that she's genetically engineered and likely not 100% of any specific species of dog (as evident by the fact that she can talk) but what breed is she based off of? She looks kinda like a golden retriever to me, but I'm not sure that works.

Brian Rogers (billionsix) says: I recall back in the pitch Shaenon gave, she mentioned Sweetheart was "a big furry dog, like a Samoyed"
Shaenon Garrity (shaenongarrity) says:

Jeffrey: All I can say is, it's a good thing I decided against the phrase "area rug."
shui lung (draconautus) says: She actually looks like she's got a bit of Airedale in her,  something about her ears and snout.
shui lung (draconautus) says: I bet Unity gives a whole new meaning to the phrase "Cutting a rug." Sword dance anyone? Or possibly in Unity's case, Chainsaw dance?
Mark Orr (agentoracle) says: Sweetheart looks like a colossal West Highland White Terrier to me.  Right down to her expressive, always attentive ears.
Andrew Kunz (miyaa) says: I'm surprised they're not watching the Westminster Dog Show.
Katie Powell (pencilears) says: @ (professor_zobot) I thought they said sweetheart was a huskey.
Rick Shott (not_home) says: Irony is that sausage gravy is killing the southern US.  Of course, when I am down there biscuits & gravy are one of the items on the menu.  It is a good way to get your next day towards death started.
Rob (rrreed) says: I think I see where this is going, but I refuse to wear a pith helmet and keep it company.
Connor Harris (connor) says: See, Texans invented biscuits & gravy as a way to slowly kill everyone. We all have death wishes but we'll be damned if we go out before you damned yankees.
William Hostman (aramis) says:

Rage, RAGE, against the starving by the pack...

Rachel S. (masamage) says: Oh man. I would eat biscuits and gravy RIGHT NOW. And I'm from Oregon.
Adam Underfoot (unnatural20) says:

I will wear a pith helmet and keep this company wherever it may be going. 

Carl Fishman (carlfishman) says:

Whenever I see the story title, I am reminded of a minor anecdote from North Africa in the Second World War.  Axis ration crates, I am told, were marked with initials.  German soldiers held that those initials stood for (the German words for) "Old Man".  Italian soldiers believed they stood for (the Italian words for) "Dead Donkey."

Which isn't all that different from "Dead Dogs".

vicka corey (drbrain) says: and unity gets another new hat!  hurray! :)
Nathan Hogue (sailorleo) says:

It's been too long since I've had biscuts and sausage gravy.

Andon the topic of dog food and breakfast cereals, there's a reason the one of the three largest manufaturers of both are branches of the same company, Ralston-Purina...  All the dog food is made by Purina, but both produce breakfast cereals.

Ed Gedeon (eddurd) says:

Three unrelated thoughts today:

(1) When I was working in North Carolina, my wife drove down one weekend and made us go to Waffle House for breakfast so we could both have biscuits and gravy.  She even bought two of their coffee mugs (not normally on sale) so she could have Waffle House coffee at home.

(2) How many Futurama fans thought of "Bachelor Chow ... Now With *Flavor*!"   (2a) "Zombie Chow" would be a cool band name.

(3) Dagnabbit, I can't find the "Questionable Content" strip where everyone was wearing random things on their heads!  (Dora had a sack of coffee beans, which is what Unity in the last panel reminds me of.)

D. Connolly (theogrin) says:

The lot of you have never had so much as a NIBBLE of poutine, and it saddens me as it can only sadden a southern Ontarian.  Ontarion?  Damned if I know. 

... this saddens me too.

Dave Van Domelen (dvandom) says: Pouting for poutine!
Sol Foster (sol) says:

To be fair, poutine isn't usually made with sausage gravy, is it?  I think little chunks of sausage floating in your poutine would push it from "probable heart attack" to "certain heart attack".

 Of course, I didn't get my yearly sample of poutine last year, so perhaps I've just forgotten...

Andrew Kunz (miyaa) says:

I dare Ed to come up with a song extoling the virtues of Poutine.

And it looks like the Questionable Content website is down, which is why you couldn't find the particular strip, Ed.

Maybe I should have sausage gravy with my chicken fried steak for breakfast.

NigaiAmai Yume (nigaiamai_yume) says:

Don't forget...

Poutine is not just deep fat fries and gravy. It's deep fat fries, gravy, and CHEESE CURDS.

Canada wins. (Ok, Quebec wins, but they're still under our shaky thumb...)

Eric Weber (eweber) says:

If we're discussing connections to other comics, I'd like to remind everyone that if Sweetheart had died in Canada, she would have died in _real life_, too!


David Toboz (professor_zobot) says:

The following is an announcement from part of the forums.

Do you like laughing manically? Wanna build death rays and show those fools who laughed at you?

How would you like to be a Mad Scientist?

The Mad Sci Wars: The Second Battle, over in the Comics By Shannon forum, is now recruiting new Mads to join in a strange internet freeform roleplaying experiment. Consider logging on and applying to join the fun!

Rob (rrreed) says: Iz it a gut plan uf youz ken eat teh hat?
Joyce Melton (halfelven) says: Tip is become a verb. It is to laugh.
Ed Gedeon (eddurd) says:

First, today's song:
(TUNE: "The Lady Is A Tramp", Rodgers & Hart)

You love to bite off your enemy's nose!
You're leaking fluid when you decompose!
It's kind of neat when you eat with your toes ...
Oh Unity, you're such a scamp!

Second, the link to the Questionable Content strip I mentioned yesterday:

Third:  You asked for a song extolling the virtues of poutine ...
(TUNE: "Que Sera Sera", written by Livingstone/Evans, performed by Doris Day)

When I was just a little boy,
My mother asked me, "What will you eat?
Do you want pizza?  Do you want poi?"
Always, I would repeat ..

    "Donnez-moi poutine!
    I want it or I'll get mean!
    The best food I've ever seen!
    Donnez-moi poutine!"

As through the years I grew and grew,
Through adolescence, into teen age ...
My mother urged me, "Try something new!"
I'd fly into a rage!

    "Donnez-moi poutine!
    The fav'rite of ev'ry teen!"
    At Mom I would vent my spleen,
    "Donnez-moi poutine!"

Now I am older than before;
My doctor tells me, "You're getting fat!
You should eat healthy, exercise more!"
Here's what I say to that:

    "Donnez-moi poutine!
    Who cares if I'm not so lean?
    Addictive as nicotine!
    Donnez-moi poutine!"

Katie Powell (pencilears) says: will they be Tip-ing cows now?
Rob (rrreed) says: These jokes are just the Tip of the iceberg!
Erin Palette (palette) says:

Okay, um.... I'm probably commiting a huge faux pas by pimping my blog here, but it's actually kind of relevant to Skin Horse, so please don't cleave the flesh from my bones.

I've started a project called "The Frankenstein Protocols" which is kind of like the Evil Overlord List, but for Mad Scientists instead. 

If you folks would cruise on over, read what I have, and possibly submit some new ideas, I'd be very grateful.

Thank you, and please don't hurt me. >.>

Connor Harris (connor) says:

I think this was a Tip off to a new theme.

So It Begins (soitbegins) says: Hooo boy.
llearch n'n'daCorna (llearch) says: I Tip my hat to it, then.
Eff Macadhaimh (macadhaimhs) says: Oooh, the Tip Effect's starting to kick in on Sweetheart. My money's on seeing Sweetheart in a tutu next week.
crazy dave (crazydave) says: How would a dog cross-dress anyway?
Terry Smith (wcfan) says: Cat Collar.
Dave Van Domelen (dvandom) says: Yeah...leaking rotting fluids. Unity's "sexy" quotient, always wobbly, has dropped a bit there. :)
Jacob Haller (jwgh) says: Using 'we can work on being more sensitive to each other' to mean 'you should do what I want' seems pretty Tip-like.
Johnn Reynolds (sleepyjohn) says: That 'sensitivity' line only works if the other party is interested in change.  And Unity is only interested in change if she can get a new left patella out of it.
Eric Burns (ericburns) says:

That song is grand and perfect, and extols the perfection that is Poutine.

But the gravy is just a side note, really. It adds a few hints and a savory counterbalance. Proper poutine lives and dies by the cheese curd.

Why, oh why can we not get proper cheese curds in this country?

Jeffrey Channing Wells (channing) says:

As a Wisconsinite, cheese curds have been a basic fact of my existence since as long as I can remember.  What, the rest of you guys don't have them?  What are you, mental?

Because we are horrible, we also deep-fry the cheese curds themselves.  Mmm, trans-fatilicious.  Served with ranch dressing, it's a snack your circulatory system will forever hate you over!

Shaenon Garrity (shaenongarrity) says:

The poutine song has a lovely Daniel Pinkwater feel. I heartily approve.
Glenn Gorsuch (glenn) says:

Cheese curds are relatively easy to make--certainly easier than making full fledged hard cheese.  Mix a quarter-teaspoon of rennet (available at most health-food stores) with a quarter cup of cool water. Set aside.  Put a gallon of milk (using whole milk will give the greatest yield for your milk, and if you're worried about fat, why are you eating poutine?) into a large saucepan on your stove, and slowly bring the milk up to around a hundred degrees.  When the temp reaches 90 degrees F, stir in the rennet/water mixture with a gentle up-and-down motion.  At the final temp, turn off the heat and let it sit for a half hour or so to develop the curds.  The white should coalesce into a semi-solid mass, the liquid (whey) should be mostly clear.  Ladle the curds into a cheese-cloth-lined colander, and squeeze out as much liquid as possible.  Mix the curds with salt to taste, and eat on your poutine.

If you don't get much in the way of curds, you can try mixing a half teaspoon or so of citric acid in with another quarter cup of water and adding it as you start heating the milk.

Don't use soy milk or ultrapastuerized milk--they won't work right.  And if you use chocolate milk, the gods of casein and curd will strike you down.  And justly so.

I'd never heard of poutine before yesterday (being in California)--having had it for lunch today, I must say thank you!

Dave Corbett (mr_dave) says:

Jeffrey Channing Wells (channing) says:

Because we are horrible, we also deep-fry the cheese curds themselves. Mmm, trans-fatilicious. Served with ranch dressing, it's a snack your circulatory system will forever hate you over!


If you haven't already done so, head over to and look up Howard's chupaqueso recipe. Basically, it's fried cheese stuffed with melted cheese... 

shui lung (draconautus) says: No Tip-toeing around the subject of fatty foods around here. Pleading excuse for my ignorance but what exactly is "Poutine"? I see it involves cheese curds (deep shudder) but what else is involved?  Is it the stuff Unity leaves on her sheets? What? Enlighten me please!
Michael Brewer (wusemajor) says: Ok, this one actually made me burst out laughing.  Unity really need to learn more self control.
vicka corey (drbrain) says:


 i wouldn't call her back, either.

Dave Van Domelen (dvandom) says: Disunity, more like. Mmm, nillawafers.
Daniel Barkalow (iabervon) says: Vicka: "Here, back! Roll over! Good body part!"
Martin Weld (ikari_gendo) says:

There has to be a joke about Unity being disarmed in here.

Rockphed (rockphed) says: How about a joke about Unity being defeated?
So It Begins (soitbegins) says: Hoooo boy.
So It Begins (soitbegins) says: Incidentally, I think I recall 'unarmed' and 'defeat' jokes in a fight between Batgirl and the Joker in a comic book I read once...
Ed Gedeon (eddurd) says:

(TUNE: "Hello, Dolly!" by Jerry Herman)

Well, well, hello Handy!
You sure look Dandy!
If yo'd "sit" or "stay", then you'd obey
My wish!
'Cause when I start snacking
Then you're a-ttacking,
Making like Godzilla at my Nilla
Wafer dish!
In that full-length ... glove, we
Think you look ... lovely!
You can demonstrate your disembodied charms!
So ...
Don't be caught napping!
Show us the sound you make clapping!
Handy, don't make us say "Farewell To Arms"!

Paul Lenoue (palenoue) says: I was wondering if Unity would ever have a Dr. Strangelove moment.
Tiff Hudson (tiff_hudson) says:

And then there's The Doctor's comment about Lucius when he [SEASON 4 SPOILER] in The Fires of Pompeii.

Johnn Reynolds (sleepyjohn) says: But you have to admit,  when they were still taking lessons, it learned "Fetch!"  really well!
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The education bestowed on Shaenon K. Garrity by her parents had been expensive, athletic and prolonged. ... full profile