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Smithson Thus Far... ·

Erin Palette (palette) says: Wizard hat-hangings? Sounds like an especially nerdy hate crime.
Andrew Kunz (miyaa) says: Wizard HAT-HANGINGS. Great. One of those hentai fan-fics where Hermoine turns Harry into Hillary Potter and then totally REDEEMS her BASS with her BILLY BOB THORNTON.
Mason Kramer (masonk) says:

Okay, I'll admit it. I have *no* clue what hat-hangings is supposed to be substituting. Am I too innocent, or do I lack imagination? Perhaps I lack imagination because I am too innocent.


I think Andrew knows. And I think that scares me.

NigaiAmai Yume (nigaiamai_yume) says:

And no one comments on the use of finger quotes?

Sorry, Tip, you lose coolness points.

Nate Cull (natecull) says:

"In the Magical Justice System, metafictional offenses are considered especially heinous. In Diagon Alley, the dedicated Aurors who investigated these vicious felonies against the fabric of reality are members of an elite squad known as..."



"Oh my Gandalf... it's horrible!"

"FIVE Harry Potters?  And they're..."

"Sir, the Sorting Hat won't talk... but it can dance a little."

"Dumbledore alive? That's...  fairly likely actually. He was a wizard after all."

"But given this is a Mesonychoteuthis hamiltoni, the largest  squid in the Pacific Ocean, and could take your head clean off, you have to ask yourself one question..."

"Fox Mulder, in the Potions Room, with the ansible."

"This is it, boys. Got ourselves a Class 1 Mary Sue. Spread out and surround the building. And take no chances. Set your wands to CHEESE TOASTIE."



So It Begins (soitbegins) says: *snicker*
Both the comic, and everyone's comments.
Ed Gedeon (eddurd) says:

(TUNE: "Crying", Roy Orbison)

I'm on LJ,
But what I say,
Doesn't matter at all ...

It'll be all right
If I blog all night
'Bout a talking dog and a trans-ves-tite,
You think any twit
Will believe this *split*?

So I've been blo-o-o-og-ging
Our black ops ...
Our black ops ...

Steve Ford (fordsfords) says: I can't figure out hat hangings either, but then there are lots of Nick's substitutions that I can't figure.
M. Alan Thomas II (crazydreamer) says: The comments thread on that LJ is going to look suspiciously like ours here, isn't it?
Benjamin Whetham (crosshair) says: I'm starting to really like Nick. I hope he sticks around for a long while. He adds a whole new degree to the comic.
Drew (pseudowolf) says:

@Nate: "I guess this is one Snitch..." *puts on sunglasses* "...that didn't get caught."


 CSI: Hogwart's

K C (spotweld) says: CSI: Hogwarts... I am both entraced and repelled.
Ruth Beaty (happyfrog) says: Surely it's not what I'm thinking since I am both old and somewhat rudely inclined. Shaenon is a sweet, polite, young woman, as we all know! Oh yes, while I'm at it, my eyes, my eyes, they're burning from all the Potterisms.
Andrew Kunz (miyaa) says:

How come when people think of CSI, it's the Miami version and not the New York or the original Las Vegas version? Is it those damn sunglasses?

Quidditch: it sounds more dirty than it is?

Warren Terra (warren_terra) says:

Clearly, the talking helicopter is pointing out that the undead abomination, the talking dog, and the swashbuckling transvestive psychologist are living in a fantasy world.

Now, I'm not talking about all the weird creatures and freaks of science they encounter, as those are obviously real; I mean the sort of fantasy world in which a healthy and well-funded newspaper industry can fund Reuters to field squads of crack investigative reporting teams.

Paul Gadzikowski (pgadzikowski) says: Surely that'd be SPECIAL TACTICAL FICTION UNIT.
Kaesa Aurelia (kaesa) says: know, I can't actually figure out what "hat-hangings" is in the sentence, but I'm pretty well acquainted with HP fandom.  And uh, after the Ginny/Scabbers I read the other day, I'd kind of rather not be.

I guess what I'm saying is, really, it's best not to think about it too much.
Jon W. (kd7sov) says:

Yanno, when I read "hat hanging", the first thing that came to mind for a substitution was lampshade hanging.

shui lung (draconautus) says:

Hermione 5-O . . .
"book 'em Dumbledore.  The charge is muggling one."


Adam Underfoot (unnatural20) says: Hash? Tip smokes the reefer? I am shocked and apall-
So It Begins (soitbegins) says: *snicker*
Quentin Long (cubist) says: (tune: CRACKERBOX PALACE, by George Harrison)

We flew up North, where land is white
To find the dogs of war.
Our field leader's so uptight;
Blathering as of yore... he said:

"So nicely done, young Agent Zerhakker
"We've a gold star for you!
"You land so well, young Agent Zerhakker
"No matter what terrain, your flight-path's true!"

And now it's time we disembark,
Into the woods and snow.
Our clients' bite, worse than their bark;
That's just the way it goes... and then

Tip calls out to young Agent Zerhakker --
"Thanks, darling, for the ride!" --
Then turns his back on Agent Zerhakker,
Who ponders thoughts of bureaucraticide...
Rockphed (rockphed) says: Hash?  Isn't that a way of preparing potatoes?  What is tip doing with poorly prepared potatoes?
Andrew Kunz (miyaa) says: The fact Nick compared Tip to Janeway does not bold well for his leadership qualities.
Ed Gedeon (eddurd) says:

(TUNE: "Monster Mash", by Bobby "Boris" Pickett and The Crypt-Kickers)

We nailed the LZ, five by five;
My fuselage intact, my crew still alive!
Despite your parking feedback, Tip,
Boots won't improve your leadership!

(So move your hash!)
So move your scrawny hash!
(Your scrawny hash!)
Pale as a large-mouth bash!
(A large mouth bash!)
It shows you've got no clash!
(So move your hash!)
So move your stupid hash!

Michael Brewer (wusemajor) says: I wanna know when he had the opportunity to buy books on leadership and a new outfit.  He only found out that he was gonna be the leader a few hours ago and most of that was flight time.
Jeffrey Channing Wells (channing) says: Quite a lot of time passed between February 26 and February 27, actually.  You folks just didn't see any of it.
Andy Wetmore (efogoto) says: Jeffrey, you know that's gonna play hell with Leon's calculations if he ever starts keeping track of time flow on this strip.
Jeffrey Channing Wells (channing) says: Other things will probably play more hell with said calculations than this, including both authors' failure to give a rat's ass about temporal continuity.
Mason Kramer (masonk) says: I like it when authors are honest with us.
Ed Gedeon (eddurd) says: Considering the size of the rat, his ass would be a matter of considerable significance ...
Rob (rrreed) says: "I hate time travel. It makes for messy bookkeeping."
Ed Gedeon (eddurd) says:

(TUNE: "Boy From New York City", by The Ad-Libs)

Psych-out, psych-out, let's get jiggy!
Talkin' with a kid with a stuffed toy piggy!

The land of snow ...
Now here we go ...
Better bundle up, it's twenty-two below ...
Now, Sweetheart's wise!
And Nick, he flies!
And that Captain Tip can sure ac-ces-sor-ize!

Oooh, he's feelin' sick!
He just got punk'd by Nick!
The kid says "Hi!
Are you a guy?"

(Repeat chorus, oo wah oo wah etc.)

Andrew Kunz (miyaa) says:

Cue the jazz piano riffs from any number of classic Charlie Brown shows, particularly the Christmas one.

Wait. Munchkins?

Tiff Hudson (tiff_hudson) says: Little kids dragging pigs? Pig doll? Tolerant pig pet? Whiskey Tango Foxtrot??!?
So It Begins (soitbegins) says: "It's quiet. Too quiet."

See, this is the problem of having a copter with personality.
Johnn Reynolds (sleepyjohn) says: @soitbegins: for sufficiently small values of personality.
Mason Kramer (masonk) says:

And so we get another sign of Tip's bravery, as he runs *out* of the copter on hearing all of that.

 Me, I would have strapped in, saying "Well, we're too late, let's go home."

John Campbell (jcampbel) says: AAAAAAAAH! It's a small child! RUN!
Drew (pseudowolf) says: You just know that kid named his stuffed pig "Intergalactic".
shui lung (draconautus) says:

Have you seen the little piggie, dragging in the snow
with his boy he's gonna become, some tasty wolfie chow
blood on his clean shirt as wolves chow down him!

I forget the name of the Beatles tune but I'm sure you know the one . . .

Rob (rrreed) says: "We'd better get back, 'cause it'll be dark soon, and they mostly come at night… mostly."
John Breckenridge (jbrecken) says: It could be a dead pig.
Joyce Melton (halfelven) says: Dead pigs seldom smile.
Joyce Melton (halfelven) says: Nor do they wear mascara.
Justin Grubbs (the_purple_knight) says: This child seems strangely akin to homeschool Joe, in that neither can actually participate in a conversation.
Rob (rrreed) says: One has to wonder what other weirdly-dressed strangers live in that neck of the woods, for Lucy's mother to have made that comment.
So It Begins (soitbegins) says: Oh-kaaaay... now what do we do?
Ed Gedeon (eddurd) says:

Hmmm ... child is named "Lucy", has pattern on mittens and scarf like Charlie Brown ... are we throwing in references to "Peanuts" now?  Don't tell me the pig is named Sparky ...

(TUNE: "I Want To Hold Your Hand", The Beatles)

I try ... to be friendly ...
But didn't make contact!
They say ... I dress weirdly ...
I bought this off-the-rack!
I bought it off-the-ra-a-a-a-a-a-ack!
I bought it off-the-rack!

And when, at Benetton I'm shopping,
I relax!
I love it more than Neiman-Marcus,
More than Saks!  More than Saks!  More than Saks!

Oh, don't ... say to me ...
That fashion sense I lack!
Oh, please ... can't you see?
I bought this off-the-rack!

I bought it off-the-ra-a-a-a-a-a-ack!
Maybe I'll take it back,
'Cause it was off-the-ra-a-a-a-a-a-ack!

Andy Wetmore (efogoto) says: Ed, wouldn't the animal be pig-pen? Or at least it lives in one.
Joe Glow (joe_glow) says: maybe "pudding" is her dog's name!  maybe it's a cry for help!
Mike Kozar (mikekozar) says:

I like pudding...foolish government stooges into fiendishly complex death traps!  Ha ha ha ha!


Also, I like regular pudding.


(Blinks.  Drops mitten and fumbles adorably to put it back on with other mitten.) 

Paul Gadzikowski (pgadzikowski) says: I'd've named the pig Mr. Gordo. Just saying.
Michael Brewer (wusemajor) says:

I dunno.  Plents of horror movies start with a creepy distorted message that sends them to an idyllic small town in the back of nowhere.  In some ways this is actually a bit more disturbing than bodies piled like cordwood.

Perhaps the pack has brought the virtues of Canadian life to these people?

ribbles (ribbles) says:

Note the mutant dog totem fetish panel left.

 Dum dum DUMMM 

Rob (rrreed) says:

<David Letterman>"They been hypmotized!"</David Letterman>
Andrew Kunz (miyaa) says: Oh, I get it. Canadian Werewolves. Their weakness: white cheddar poutine.
So It Begins (soitbegins) says: OK, panel three confirms it. Something is up.
Rob (rrreed) says: A Canadian Werewolf In Anchorage Paradise has a nice ring to it.
Nate Cull (natecull) says:

 (To the tune of "Ironic" by Alanis Morrissette)

Tip Wilkin made Field Commander
Cause Sweetheart couldn't cope with Canada
Unity was Little Miss Sunshine
Cause she wouldn't get any quality guntime
It all looks so idyllic... don't you think?

Mr Zerhakker always wanted to fly
Wore a VR hat and kissed his BUFFY goodbye
He waited his whole FLICKR life to take that flight
And as the crew touched down, he thought 'Well isn't this nice'

Cause isn't it idyllic... don't you think?
A little too idyllic... yeah I really do think 

It's like Stepford Wives... and they're all hypnotised
Or that Carpenter flick... with that thing in the ice
This whole SWEET town... is just too DISNEY nice
Something's gonna bite our face off 

It's Manchurian... FLUFFY Candidate
The Body Snatchers... and we got here too late
To Serve Man... and we're the next plate
Something's gonna bite our face off 

Cause monsters have funny ways of sneaking up on you
When you think everything's okay and everything's going right
And monsters have funny ways of biting your face
And sometimes you just have to nuke the base from orbit to be sure

Like teenagers... splitting up in the dark
Or lawyers... in a dinosaur park
It's quiet... too quiet by far
Something's gonna bite our face off 

Cause monsters have funny ways of sneaking up on you
Monsters have funny, funny ways of biting your face
Biting your face

Edwin Quantrall (reynard) says: @ Nate Cull: Brilliant! Abso-FLYING-lutely Brilliant!
shui lung (draconautus) says:

I completely agree! And to paraphrase B. Kliban:

Monster Chorus:
Love to eat dem Skin Horse Teams
Skin Horse teams I like to eat!
Bite Tip's well-dressed head off
Nibble on his well shod feet!

David Harmon (mental_mouse) says: And I see Andrew got first mention -- but Tip and the team seem about to discover the (in)famous... POUTINE!
Johnn Reynolds (sleepyjohn) says: Welcome to Stepford, Alaska.  May we curb your dog for you?
Ed Gedeon (eddurd) says:

Dang, I was flaked out this morning.  I read the strip, wrote the song parody, saved it to my hard drive ... and then forgot to post it here. 

(TUNE: "Delta Dawn", Linda Ronstadt)

  Northern town that seems so nice!
  We can see the people leading peaceful lives!
  They're smiling cheerfully,
  They're giving mittens away for free!
  It's just like something out of "Stepford Wives"!

The Skin Horse team received a special task, ah!
They jumped in Nick and flew up to Alaska!
But they found a town that's quiet (yeah, too quiet!)
So FLUFFY nice that Sweetheart just won't buy it!
All the people here seem happy and serene,
Living on back bacon and poutine!
Don't worry, there's a reason for this trip ...
We'll see how Shaenon draws tomorrow's strip!

(Repeat chorus 1,000,000,004 times)


Eff Macadhaimh (macadhaimhs) says: Smart move by the Canadians. Those mittens Unity looks so delighted with are clearly a sneaky ploy to impede the movement of her trigger finger!
Andy Wetmore (efogoto) says: Ed: Linda did "Blue Bayou", Helen Reddy had the hit with "Delta Dawn". Thanks for sticking me with that dreck all morning.
K C (spotweld) says:

It's like we're all waiting for that other shoe to drop.

Like everyone in town is a werewolf, or a modle-railroader or something.

Tiff Hudson (tiff_hudson) says: I feel sorry for Nick. He can't go see Watchmen while he's stuck up there.
shui lung (draconautus) says: Maybe there's a fly-in movie theatre nearby?
Benjamin Whetham (crosshair) says:

Like everyone in town is a werewolf, or a modle-railroader or something.


As long as they have UNITY they will be fine.

Rockphed (rockphed) says: Wait, why isn't Tip using his super-power?  He seems almost shy.  Something out of the ordinary is going on with the Tip-meister.
Kenneth Raymond (nerrin) says: Probably reluctant to use his powers when he's supposed to be the one in charge. Being distracted's bad in that case.
Misha Field (mifield) says: That, or they don't work on Stepford Werewolves...
Misha Field (mifield) says: @everyone:  I want to compile all of the filk that gets submitted here.  If you're posting filks, can I have your permission to get someone to record them, and maybe publish it all?
Shaenon Garrity (shaenongarrity) says:

Sorry to hijack the thread for my own mendacious intentions, but I'm toying with the possibility of doing a Skin Horse T-shirt. If you have ideas or input, come over to this thread on the message board.
Metal Fatigue (metalfatigue) says: @shaenongarrity "Mendacious"? So you're not really doing a shirt?
Ed Gedeon (eddurd) says:

(TUNE:  "Hot Stuff", Donna Summer)

Coming in, wanting to eat my luncheon,
All I got is thirty-eight cent!
Ask the waitress for some snacks to munch on,
All I got's a cup of contempt!

It's gotta be the SUN-SPOTS!
(Trashing my game, yeah!)
It must be SUN-SPOTS!
(Hour after hour!)
Yeah, it's the SUN-SPOTS!
(See, they're to blame, yeah!)
Gotta be the sun-spots, throwing off my super-power!

Ed Gedeon (eddurd) says:

@Misha: Actually, I'm trying to record some of my songs myself.  It's kinda hard to understand some of the jokes unless you read Shaenon's comics, so the potential market would be kinda limited.

Are you thinking of just spreading the collection around for free, or is this a money-making project?  If the latter, you need to consider getting legal rights to use the original tunes, plus compensating the filkers who write the lyrics.

Andrew Kunz (miyaa) says:

Um, what exactly what does "mendacious" means? (Apparently is down)

You know, come to think of it, I've never seen crossdressers anywhere else than at a diner. In fact, I remember one night I was at the local Broadway Diner in Columbia, MO when I was in college. I sat between a crossdresser, who could use shave, the local famed men's college basketball coach who was wearing that evening a tuxedo.

The diner's most famous entree is what they call the stretch; a pound hash browns smothered in chili, scambled eggs, onions, and about a pound of shredded cheddar. They also have the super stretch, which is a three pound version of the stretch. (Ambulances are available in case you actually finish the super stretch.)

Ada Kerman (momerath) says: Mendacious means false. Someone who is mendacious is lying. If I ever write filk, you have my permission to use it, if not for profit.
Metal Fatigue (metalfatigue) says: @miyaa Dammit, now I'm hungry.
Shaenon Garrity (shaenongarrity) says:

I will be making false and misleading T-shirts.
Edwin Quantrall (reynard) says: Happy "Pi" day, everyone! (Mmmmmm, π!)
Rob (rrreed) says: Recognizing π Day as an actual holiday is simply irrational.
Dov Mittelman (silentspeaker) says: You dare mock this most transcendental of days?
Nate Cull (natecull) says:

Misha: You're welcome to use my filks for any and all purposes including torturing kidnapped superheroes in your secret lair.

I know you have one.

Misha Field (mifield) says:

Aw, man, now my lair isn't a secret anymore!

@Ed: I was thinking more for posterity's (or perhaps, posteriority's, depending on viewpoint) sake than for profit, to be honest.  It just seems to me that we have too much funny-as-**** filk going on here that would be a shame to lose.

 @all:  Anyone want to volunteer as a supehero, so I can practice my torture skills?  :-D

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The education bestowed on Shaenon K. Garrity by her parents had been expensive, athletic and prolonged. ... full profile