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Smithson Thus Far... ·

Timothy Whitcomb (timothywhitcomb) says: Hey! fritos are pretty darn important, after all! 8-)
Joyce Melton (halfelven) says: Fritos? What do you want to bet she ranks lower than Cheetos? :)
So It Begins (soitbegins) says: "Always?"

"Well, nearly always."
Kevin Pease (ceruleanst) says: So give three cheers and one cheer back for the former alpha of the Captain's pack...
Ed Gedeon (eddurd) says:

Doggone it (pun intended), Kevin, I was gonna use that tune ... oh well, let's pick another ...

(TUNE: "Wild Thing", written by Chip Taylor, performed by The Troggs)

Wheel dog!
You keep it real, dogg!
You make my monologue ... corny ...
Wheel dog!

Wheel dog, I think you smell good ...
Like Fritos but even more!
Come on and let me sniff your butt ...
You smell good ...

(Unity comes with ocarina solo here, since she's the only one with any fingers right now ...)

Joyce Melton (halfelven) says: Oh, no! I just now got a joke that Shaenon and Jeffrey slipped past me weeks ago! A hand named Manuel? Groan.
Andrew Kunz (miyaa) says: I have a hankering for those chili cheese fritos wraps that Sonics make. Damn you, Jeffery!
Philippa Fearn (pippaf) says: What in the world are fritos?
Andy Wetmore (efogoto) says: @pippaf: Fritos are chips (if you're British, those could be "crisps") made from crushed corn rather than sliced potatoes. They start out addictive and get round to nauseating in no time.
Rob (rrreed) says: Much to Captain Bram's chagrin, I think the Pack would be far more interested in staging a hostile takeover of Frito-Lay than in conquering the United States (and the American Kennel Club).
Nick Lardas (voyager) says:

They also feature heavily in frito pie, which combines chili, chile con queso and fritos into a big pile of hot dripping mess.

Rob (rrreed) says: @Joyce—could be worse: the Unity could have named her hand, "Manos". Or maybe that's her right hand's name.
Rob (rrreed) says: I still think Fairbanks is a feint. The virus would stand a far greater chance of success if it vectored in many directions simultaneously.
Michael Brewer (wusemajor) says: Is anyone else having flashbacks to The Thing?
Rob (rrreed) says: I was just thinking…

Tip is going to be mighty uncomfortable if he shifts back while pulling the sled!
James Rice (jhrice) says: I'm impressed he's managed to balance his glasses this long.
D. Connolly (theogrin) says: With Tip bound up like that, it shouldn't be too hard to get the rest of the pack to properly follow the leather.
Sam Setter (eraser820) says: oooh whips and restraints, the only thing missing is the hot candle wax.  Well, might have to pass on that one, gets stuck in the fur don't you know....
Ed Gedeon (eddurd) says:

(TUNE: "This Is The Army", Irving Berlin)

This pack of super-canids was living in a cave;
But now the town of Fairbanks we've got to try and save!
We do what Sweetheart tells us, 'cause she's the president!
She boldly barked an order, and this is what it meant:

This is the dog team, Captain Tip!
Now holler "mush" and let 'er rip!
You had an Osprey to fly around,
But it's now crumpled up on the ground!

This is the dog team, Unity!
Temp'rature's minus one degree!
Don't freeze your butt off just like before,
'Cause we can't sew it back anymore!

Wilkin is leading this crew!
Girls run behind him, enjoying the view!

This is the dog team, all for one!
We've got to beat the rising sun!
If Tip turns human, then he'll turn blue
And he'll freeze off his naughty bits, too!

So It Begins (soitbegins) says: @rrreed: SSH! You don't want to give Shaenon ideas!
Tiff Hudson (tiff_hudson) says: GREAT last line!
K C (spotweld) says:

It occurs to me that "Zombie with a Whip" would make for a great fanfic title.

ysabet hasuko (ysabet) says: To K C/spotweld: What with Rule 34, there's probably a website with that theme out there somewhere already... o_O
Andrew Kunz (miyaa) says: KC: Or a band name. It would make a great heavy metal band name.
Rob (rrreed) says: @K C—Actually, phrase reminds me of Kitten With a Whip. The MST3K version, of course.
Daniel Ross (nentuaby) says:


 Speak for yourself. I'm rather hoping she already had that particular Idea. :P

Daniel Barkalow (iabervon) says:

It wouldn't be Tip's government if it didn't wind up under the control of a party whip.

(TUNE: "Minimum Wage", They Might Be Giants)

Minority Whip! Heeyah!

Tiff Hudson (tiff_hudson) says: She's got that right. I've been working for Uncle Sam since Jimmy Carter was president and the only change I've seen from elections is that Republicans pay formal visits to certain parts of the intelligence community and Democrats don't.
Ed Gedeon (eddurd) says:

(TUNE:  "America" from "West Side Story", Bernstein & Sondheim)

I am the whip of mi-nor-i-ty!
While you're gone, I've got au-thor-i-ty!
Now I can block the ma-jor-i-ty,
Give my agenda pri-or-i-ty!

Lost the election to Sweetheart!
She promised voters a fresh start!
I knew how things would unfold, 'cause
New boss is same as the old boss!

I am the whip of mi-nor-i-ty!
I think I'll join a so-ror-i-ty!
I can show off my au-thor-i-ty
Chatting with Harrison Ford at tea!

Rob (rrreed) says: So was Buddy elected Postmaster General, then?
So It Begins (soitbegins) says: Ai yi yi yi....
Michael Brewer (wusemajor) says: You gotta love how weirdly charismatic Mad Scientists are.
Bryce Hunter (dracoparasite) says: A great man leaves a lasting legacy.
Rob (rrreed) says: …and storage bunkers filled to the rafters with salty, cheesy, beefy junk snack foods.
Joyce Melton (halfelven) says: Is statue, Mo Dean?
Ed Gedeon (eddurd) says:

(TUNE: "Tears In Heaven", Eric Clapton)

Captain had no peers,
And his projects could scare all!
He's been gone for years,
And the world's still in peril!

He'd stop my heart
And then re-start ...
Yes, he made us super-smart!
Bram's our Captain!

Made us brave and strong ...
How we all loved our Captain!
So we sing this song
(Stolen from Eric Clapton...)

Let's pass a bill
That says we will
Put a statue on the hill
For our Captain!

Rob (rrreed) says: @Ed—for some bizarre reason, that song has affixed the image of Captain Bram with Toni Tennille in my head.

@Joyce—That's good stuff!
Dave Corbett (mr_dave) says:

Bryce Hunter (dracoparasite) says: A great man leaves a lasting legacy.

Or a crater...

Joyce Melton (halfelven) says: @Rob, it's the deviant ingredient that makes Bram's puppies such cosmic things.
ysabet hasuko (ysabet) says:

Everybody should fulfill their dreams. For some of us, it's joining the Mile High Club; for others, it's invading across international lines.


Michael Brewer (wusemajor) says: Well Captain Bram /did/ want them to save America.  Yes, he wanted them to save America from it's oppressive rulers and bend it to his will, but saving it from a disease he created is almost the same, right?
So It Begins (soitbegins) says: Yahooooooo!!
Ed Gedeon (eddurd) says:

(TUNE: "Coming To America", Neil Diamond)

Yeah, we're lean and we're mean!
To Fairbanks now
With this vaccine!

Time to show them what's what!
We're all hitched up;
Let's kick some butt!

Got supplies and medicine;
Now let's invade America!
Customs guys won't let us in;
So let's invade America!

Pack the sled, let's move out tonight!
Gonna travel by pale moonlight!
Must avoid werewolf pack,
Or we'll end up a snack!

Gotta vaccinate people quick!
'Cause the virus will make 'em sick!
They will howl at the Moon
If we don't do this soon ...

Running free and cutting loose!
Now let's invade America!
Sarah Palin's shooting moose,
So let's invade America
Today!  ... Today!   ... Today!  ... Today! ...

Jon W. (kd7sov) says:


And for some, I suspect, it's joining the Mile-High Club while performing an international invasion.

John Ames (commodorejohn) says: You haven't lived until you've invaded a major country, that's what I always say.
Derek Burrow (derekthebard) says: All I can think is that they're going to race to the tune of "The War of 1812".
Johnn Reynolds (sleepyjohn) says:

But will America want to be saved from becoming werewolves?

Vampires, yes,  no one wants to spend their afterlife twinkling.  But werewolves are cool.

Andrew Kunz (miyaa) says: Can they at least let the werewolves kill the Twilight fans in Fairbank? Can they, please?
Rob (rrreed) says: Assuming that the Diggings are somewhere between Clinton Creek and Dawson, YT, Canada (the Canadian near-border towns closest to Fairbanks I can find), it's roughly 230 miles due west to Fairbanks through some fairly rugged terrain. A really good team of sled dogs—like competitive Iditarod teams—can make better than 90 miles per day, but I doubt this group qualifies: call it 50 miles per day, max. So they're looking at a five to seven day haul, I'm figuring.

The Alaskan Highway is only 100 miles to the southwest, however, if they plan on hitching a ride.
Jeffrey Channing Wells (channing) says:

There's a whole lot of stuff here about the underground dog-operable rapid transit system at the Diggings that never made it into any of my final scripts.  It was cut so completely that I think this is the first time I've even mentioned it to anyone, Shaenon included.  It doesn't exactly make for thrilling reading.

Shaenon Garrity (shaenongarrity) says:

But if you'd written it into the strip, we could've had little underground trains. Operated by dogs. In little engineer's caps. Frankly, I'm shocked that this otherwise disposable plot element was never shoehorned into the script.
Steve J (stevej) says:

OK, I have gotta stop reading this strip.  Its changing my life.

There is a distributor in town that sells supplies for making cabinets (hinges, wood, laminate, etc.).  Their name is Unity General Distributors.  I went in there today to get some cabinet drawer slides, but I was half expecting to see you know who's parts on the shelf.  It took all my will power not to ask for an arm, a leg, and a couple of eyeballs.

Jeffrey Channing Wells (channing) says:

Shaenon: Yes, because what this story needs more than anything is to be EVEN LONGER and to contain MORE EXTRANEOUS DETAILS.

Steve:  Stage One of our master plan for your life is now complete.

Dieter M. (tangerine) says:

Steve J, you wouldn't want to know how much an arm and a leg *costs*.



Cat Bascle (mage_cat) says: A quick web search says it's Bacon.
Timothy Whitcomb (timothywhitcomb) says:

be that as it may..I LOVE the chanting right now! BBBbbAaaaaCcccOooNnnn!

(higher cholestrerol!) 8-)

Michael Brewer (wusemajor) says: So good, dogs can't tell it's not Bacon.
Rob (rrreed) says: Yep, this proves it.

Dogs don't know it's not Bacon.

Corgi (corgi) says:

[looks at the Lemur with vast dismay]

The famous FDR quote is, of course, part of the following sentence: So, first of all, let me assert my firm belief that the only thing we have to fear is fear itself—nameless, unreasoning, unjustified terror which paralyzes needed efforts to convert retreat into advance.

Our dear creator-types here are being tricksy in order to produce a joke for which I would whap him with a pool noodle unmercifully.

Ed Gedeon (eddurd) says:

(TUNE: "Whole Lotta Shakin' Goin' On", Jerry Lee Lewis)

Well, they never think of quittin'!
See the team courageously advances,
While they argue 'bout a Briton
From the Renaissance whose name is Francis!
No mistakin',
Whole lotta Bacon goin' on!

Joe Glow (joe_glow) says: oh my god, I haven't laughed this hard since jetpack suppression.
John Wells (johnwwells) says:

"See, this is exactly the sort of stereotyping that exasperates the transgenic community to the point of - SQUIRREL!"

Adam Underfoot (unnatural20) says: Sometimes, Ed, I read the strip, see the song you're filking, and then have to go... do... thing. For a while. I just can't handle it.
M. Alan Thomas II (crazydreamer) says: The quote given in the strip is, in fact, Bacon. It's part of a long line of similar quotes both before and after it. Bacon's version is from 1623; FDR is almost certainly paraphrasing the Thoreau version from 1852. Source: various websites, The Quote Verifier: Who Said What, Where, and When by Ralph Keyes.
Andrew Schepler (schep) says: For those not in the US, or who watch even less TV than I do, this is also a ref to a dog treat advertisement:
David Harmon (mental_mouse) says: And Sweetheart still can't catch a break.... (But is it chunky bacon?) (Warning: comic/programming geek fusion.)
Prodigal (prodigal) says: Unity giving the shout-out to Beggin' Strips FTW.
Corey Klemow (cklemow_g) says: No matter how many times I see the acronym FTW, I can never remember what it means and have to look it up - because it always reads to me as "Fut the Wuck?"
ysabet hasuko (ysabet) says: ....I just snorted hot tea over this. Got it all over my bed, too. Next time I'll carefully put down my cup before I read, thus sparing myself a further nostril-enema, because, y'know, those things are very unpleasant.  >_<
ysabet hasuko (ysabet) says: And NOW I just reread the comments above, and cklemow_g? You've just mutated my vocabulary! EEEEAAAAGH. 'Fut the Wuck?' Oh my gods, that's stuck in my head now. I learn the weirdest things from this damn strip.
Nicky . (nicky_diva) says: If it's not Fut the Wuck, what is it? For the Wecord?
Edwin Quantrall (reynard) says: @ Nicky: For The Win!
Jack Elliott (jacktus) says: And thus did Sweetheart bring to an end her Presidential honeymoon period.
Johnn Reynolds (sleepyjohn) says: Unity wants a Bacon sammich.
Timothy Whitcomb (timothywhitcomb) says:

Since they are afterall sled dog working, cant we have Bacon and mush as the same time? 8-)

Eh? Eh? Eh? 8-)

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The education bestowed on Shaenon K. Garrity by her parents had been expensive, athletic and prolonged. ... full profile