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Smithson Thus Far... ·


Shaenon: Check it out! Not only did Sleepy John draw the Lurch for the Cure design seen last Sunday, he put it on an actual T-shirt, modeled here by the handsome and only slightly mouldering Andrew Farago. Thanks again, John!

I guess Jeffrey and I bring these things on ourselves, but lately people keep giving us zombie T-shirts. The good people at the Zombie Rights Campaign, having named Unity Zombie of the Year, sent us these ZRC shirts:

Thanks, Zombie Rights Campaign! And can we get a hand for our model?

Channing: Yay for our model! Whoo hoo!

So anyway: What is it about zombies that make people want to conceive of T-shirts and such on the topic of them? I'm as guilty as anyone but I still am unable to understand it.

John Campbell (jcampbel) says: It looks like he's got two hands already.
John Sears (john_sears) says:

Zombies are awesome.  They're natural go-getters, the kind of people who don't let a little thing like natural causes (or Unnatural ones for that matter) keep them from an active and productive existence.  

They belong on t-shirts, and I don't say this merely because I make some of them. 

Benjamin Whetham (crosshair) says:

Sorry, I cannot donate money to your cause. Your organizations policy of supporting bans on headshots is simply unacceptable. What's next? No spine shots? No running over zombies in a snow plow? Where does it end.

This isn't rocket science. If you don't want me shooting you in the head, don't eat the brains of law abiding sapient creatures. Plenty of Zombies co-exist with their living counterparts without difficulty, just look at Congress. They may be brain dead zombies, but they aren't eating anyone's brains so we don't shoot them. Though we may need to run over the lot of them with a combine harvester for other reasons.

I'll donate my money to other organizations who are not foolish enough to support such ridiculous policies.
John Sears (john_sears) says:

Good sir, headshots are already banned for living people no matter how odious their crimes.  It is hardly necessary to state that one in fact should not eat the brains of an unwilling cerebro-donator.  

Why, I know for a fact that Telemarketers will be hard at work on Monday next, spreading pain and misery across the land with nary a fear of being shot in the melon. 

A Zombie on the other hand will face the prospect of being capped merely for their greenish (or blueish or grayish) skin tone, with nary a legal recourse. Do all Zombies eat brains? Of course not.  This is a Hollywood stereotype and vicious prejudice.  Even Hollywood is woefully inconsistent on this point, as how many Zombies in their films have in fact had a piece of brain removed themselves. Make up your mind, Entertainment-Industrial Complex. 

Finally, please don't confuse Zombies with Congresspeople.  One is a group of human beings who embody a cruel mockery of life and now find themselves a rotting husk of their former selves, soulless, dead-eyed, incapable of thought and reflection, doomed to an unfathomably painful existence feeding mercilessly on the rest of society.

Then you have the Zombies.  So you see, completely different. 

Benjamin Whetham (crosshair) says:

It seems we should instead focus our energies not on banning headshots, but on more clearly defining who should get them and lifting legal barriers that currently prevent those people from receiving them.

One would get far more support with such a platform.

John Sears (john_sears) says:

Well, in a perfect world, perhaps.  I'm not certain that the mighty power of the Head-Shot can be trusted to mortal Man or Zombie.  

Besides, 'Ban the Unjust Application of Properly Adjudicated Head-Shots' wouldn't fit on the signage. 

John Sears (john_sears) says: Err, that should be 'Ban the Unjust Application of Improperly Adjudicated Head-Shots'
So It Begins (soitbegins) says: I wonder what Unity thinks of "Plants vs. Zombies".
Ed Gedeon (eddurd) says:

(TUNE: "Hit Me With Your Best Shot", Pat Benatar)

She's got a two-tone hairdo and a patchwork bod!
If bits of it fall off, no one thinks that's odd ...
Some folks say that we should destroy her;
Body shots, though, will just annoy her!

Let's prohibit head shots!
We need to keep the brains that we've got!
So let's prohibit head shots!
Don't shoot my way!

Adam Underfoot (unnatural20) says: You know, when you combine headshots and politicians I immediately think of Dick Cheney. Why is this?
Dieter M. (tangerine) says:

Golf clap, Mr. Gedeon.  Golf clap.



John Sears (john_sears) says:

Plants. vs Zombies is on my unbelievably long list of things to buy and review for the ZRC.  They have a little music video on Youtube advertising the game and generally mocking Zombies.  Though, apparently, Zombies want to eat flowers, in that game.

Which I've never heard of before.

I'm not sure if Unity is the videogaming type.  If she was, I could see her as a FPS type, though perhaps her secret shame is something like a terrible Harvest Moon addiction.  She owns all the games and works hard on maximizing her agricultural output each night after Sweetheart has gone to bed.

Sor Cyress (sorcyress) says:

Damn, Shaenon. Your boy's cute! Even when he's modeling a lumbering brainless hulk.  

John Sears (john_sears) says:

Tsk tsk.  'Lumbering brainless hulk"?

Words hurt Zombies too, you know.  Almost as much as fire! 


Philip Cohen (treesong2) says: But what does that sign in the background say? Looks like mearii burea(mu?). I thought 'merry brains', but that doesn't seem to fit.
Joseph W. (alberich) says:

(TUNE: "The Rainbow Connection," by Paul Williams and Kenneth Ascher) 

Why are there so many
Tees about Zombies?
Why don't the artists get bored?
T-shirts are pithy,
Five secs worth of "witty" -
The zombies themselves wear a "fnord."
How much can you do with "braaains" and with lurching
And topless shots of U-ni-ty?
Someday we'll find it,
The t-shirt connection,
The artists, the zombies, and me.

Shaenon Garrity (shaenongarrity) says: Sor: I know, it's awesome.

Philip: It's an advertising banner for a museum show Andrew and I worked on in Tokyo, featuring Disney concept artist Maeri Buraru, er, Mary Blair:
woozy (woozy) says: That really gelds my llama!
Scott Malcomson (calbeck) says: Woohoo! Love them shirts! Do they come in Gangrenous Green? -:D
Paul Gadzikowski (pgadzikowski) says:

Why not t-shirts for zombies? Have you ever seen a topless zombie? Leaving aside the conventions of polite public wardrobe required for many or most service establishments in the world today, there's the issue of rotting, festering flesh which is most likely only partially attached to bone structure beneath which consequently is also exposed. The visual and auditory effects presented are, I think I can say without fear of contradiction, unpleasant. And what's next? Zombies with no pants or - heaven forbid - underwear? I think both decency and sanitation demand that - ...

What? That's "t-shirts of zombies"? 

Oh. That's very different. Never mind. 

Dave Corbett (mr_dave) says:

Scott Malcomson (calbeck) says: Woohoo! Love them shirts! Do they come in Gangrenous Green? -:D

Random word association: I now have a mental image of a zombie street gang who call themselves "Gang Green." 

John Sears (john_sears) says: Gang Green represent! East siiiiiiiide!
Sor Cyress (sorcyress) says:

...I am pretty sure that there was a Gangreen Gang on the Powerpuff Girls in a couple episodes. 

...Don't judge me... 

Scott Malcomson (calbeck) says: And yes. Yes there was.
Hilary Bruce (cameoflage) says: Yeah, they were recurring, albeit minor, villains.
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The education bestowed on Shaenon K. Garrity by her parents had been expensive, athletic and prolonged. ... full profile