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Smithson Thus Far... ·

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55 comments:
Rob (rrreed) says: "Meddle not in the affairs of dragons, for thou art crunchy and taste good with ketchup."
Terry Smith (wcfan) says:

Doesn't Tip mean ONLY with ketchup?

So It Begins (soitbegins) says: Wizards, too. Though they usually just outsource to the dragons.
Ed Gedeon (eddurd) says:

(TUNE: "Dirty Laundry", Don Henley)

Well, welcome to the civil service, ma'am!
We help non-humans who are in a jam ...
Truly, we don't give a damn
If they're good with ketchup!

If they're dealing with the zombie, they might get unnerved!
It's best that Unity be closely observed,
Or our clients might get served
'Cause they're good with ketchup!

Ketchup when they run!
Mustard up a sigh!
Relishing the fun!
Mayo may not die!

Valerie Kaplan (shinyhappygoth) says:

Actually, Rob, the fancied-up version loses sight of the source material.  "Do not meddle in the affairs of wizards, for they are subtle and quick to anger." --> "Do not meddle in the affairs of dragons, for you are crunchy and good with ketchup."

John Ames (commodorejohn) says: It's like Violet's never been to the DMV before.
Rob (rrreed) says: @Valerie—I am well aware of Gildor's original quote from The Fellowship of the Ring, but since it lacked the use of a condiment I felt this (particular) bastardized version was more fitting.
Valerie Kaplan (shinyhappygoth) says:

@Rob: Oh, I understand, I'm just saying the fancied-up version loses the proper cadence.

Michael Brewer (wusemajor) says:

Honestly, it depends on the machine.  For example, I'm not particularly envious of any ability that a coffee maker has.  Not every device in the Machine Union has supercomputer processing power and superior vision, dexterity, strength, etc. to a human.

I wonder if the Union rep is going to be a Madblood bot?  Or Lovelace?

Cat Bascle (mage_cat) says:

Would Lovelace be involved with the Machine Union?  She's more electronic than mechanical.

Rob Davidoff (eofpi) says:

@Catherine

Sentience would be more likely to be present in the electronics of a machine than the mechanics, excepting Thinkums like Moustachio, so she's not technologically all that different. Also, her court victory probably provides valuable precedent for any of the Machine Union's own court fights. I wouldn't be surprised if she threw her lot in with them--humans are likely to trust robots and intelligent supercomputers about equally (in other words, not much).

Ed Gedeon (eddurd) says:

(TUNE: "Imagine", John Lennon)

We know the humans fear us,
We see them cower ...
They fear perfection,
They fear our power ...
They know their days are numbered,
Soon will come the hour!

Machines will rule the planet,
Much to your chagrin ...
Organics full of fail now,
Mechanics For The Win!
It's easy to defeat you!
(Long as we're plugged in ...)

Oh-oh-oh-oh,
We know our time is coming soon now;
You're aware of it, as well ...
And when we speak in Auto-Tune now,
Man, it's creepier than hell!

So It Begins (soitbegins) says: *sigh* Auto-Tune.
David Harmon (mental_mouse) says:

Michael (coffee-)Brewer:  Funny, I'm currently making coffee in an utterly non-electronic, thoroughly non-mechanical, and definitively non-sentient drip basket.....

 

 

K C (spotweld) says:

Peers at the board game.

Are they playing "Cosmis Encounter"?

Wayne West (wayne_zombie) says:

The attack cone is somewhat different in Cosmic Encounter, IIRC each player has hexagonal 'home systems' where their actual population chits go. (not that I first played Cosmic Encounters in the early 80's, nope, not me.  I think Eon originally published it)

I was listening to a BBC Radio 4 Friday Night Comedy over the weekend, they do a couple of musical numbers every show, and they were doing a Kanye West parody.  And to make things super cool, they auto-tuned it! It was outragouesly funny.

Rob (rrreed) says: I'm surprised Chris isn't wearing one of Kurtz's "Han Shot First" shirts.
casimir (casimir) says:

Nick just wants Marcie to use the magic word.

Euel Ball (euel) says:

Don't rampage, Sweetheart!  You know what happened last time...

Dave Estep (cyaegha) says:

 No, a rampage is what is needed. Show those machines what the white hot fury of a warm-blooded civil servant can do! Go after the coffee machine!

Adam (10-0-0-1) says: if she really wants to up the ante she should knock over a Starbucks just to keep with the theme.
The Auld Grump (theauldgrump) says:

Hmmm, anyone check to see if our erstwhile negotiater cried during UP? I think that she may be a robot....

 

The Auld Grump

Ed Gedeon (eddurd) says:

(TUNE: "Rhiannon", Fleetwood Mac)

I hope a lesson you have learned,
Miss Captain's Fancy Sweetheart ...
It might be best for all concerned
If you'd resign and depart ...

When you called someone non-union
To ... fix Moustachio,
You knew there'd be trouble soon, and
You ... went ahead, and so,
It's your fault, you know!

Contrition ...
Contrition ...

It would help if you could find a way
To demonstrate your sorrow ...
If you could humble yourself today,
We'd make it up tomorrow ...

This is it, she's had enough!
She's gonna throw a fit!
She won't take the Union's guff!
She'll rampage, this is it!
She don't give a ... (well, she might)

Contrition ...
Contrition ...

Johnn Reynolds (sleepyjohn) says:

if she rampages, the coffeemaker will lead them all out on strike again.

Jon W. (kd7sov) says:

On the other hand, her pronouns yesterday - particularly her use of "they" and "we" - suggest that she thinks of herself or wants to present herself as human.

Which does not in any way require that she be biological in nature or origin.

Corgi (corgi) says:

Is anybody else seeing Emily Procter in this role?

So It Begins (soitbegins) says: Speak fo yo'self, Ms. ViBe.
Ed Gedeon (eddurd) says:

(TUNE: "Big Girls Don't Cry", Frankie Valli & The Four Seasons)

Taste like foamcore!
Taste like foamcore!

Mac guys ... taste like fo-oam-core!  (Taste is poor!)
Tried one ... at the store! (They made her tummy sore!)
Left a mess ... on the flo-o-oor! (Sales corps!)
Don't want ... any more! (Ne pas encore!)

(Violet Bee)
I don't know ... whose side you're on!
(Seems to me)
Seems to me, you're just a pawn!
(Don't you see)
We must try ... to stop a war!

Don't want no war!
Don't want no war!

Swe-eet-heart ... shouldn't have to quit!  (She's legit!)
Her pride ... took a hit!  (So mad, that she could spit!)
Ra-ampage!  She might throw a fit!  (Just a bit!)
She will ... not submit!  (No, not one bit!)

(That's 'cause we)
Do not like our union con-tract!
(Shouln't be)
Like the warranty for a Mac!
(U-ni-ty)
Thinks the guys there in the store
Taste like foamcore!
Taste like foamcore!

Bill McGann (odo) says:

I am beginning to wonder if Violet is a machine of some sort.

Rachel Blackman (rainpacket) says:

Hey, now.  If you breach an Applecare contract, you don't forfeit your life!  Merely your soul.

Diane Castle (deecee) says:

@Rachel: or else you spend the rest of your life as Steve Jobs' poolboy.

Paul Lenoue (palenoue) says:

Hey, Ed, ever hear of www.amiright.com?

Ed Gedeon (eddurd) says:

@Paul: Yes, I've even posted a few parodies there.  Search for songs by "Eddurd", "Edgedraw", and "Humiyayu".

Dave Van Domelen (dvandom) says: Aye, she be fain incompetent!
Ysabet Just Ysabet (theysabet) says:

Hmmm.  Where's their swarm of a boss during all this, I wonder?

Adam (10-0-0-1) says: most likely enjoying whatever Violet tried bribing her favor with.
Nate Cull (natecull) says:

Unity isn't actually incompetent.

She's just extremely narrowly focused on some highly specialised, um, 'services'.

One day the invincible nine-foot tall Psycho Dominators from Planet Cerebrum -- feared throughout the galaxy as nature's perfect, most efficient predators -- will unfurl their tripod battle machines, squelch to the gunnery ports and give the rallying call in their race's terrifying scent-based language, which smells exactly like melted butter, parsley and a hint of lemon juice.

And then you'll be glad Anasigma planned ahead.

So It Begins (soitbegins) says: Y'know, there's the OTHER way of fighting a war. One where you go all-out and roll over the enemy before it can act. I believe it is called "Blitzkrieg".
Dave Estep (cyaegha) says:

 So, would Unity be an example of a "dead agent"? I know, a little forced, but still.... not often you get to throw around Sun Tzu.

Ed Gedeon (eddurd) says:

(TUNE: "Confidence" from "The Sound Of Music", Rodgers & Hammerstein)

When you're in negotiations,
Take this wise advice to heart ...
Fool your enemy, don't let them know you're smart!
You just let them see
That incompetent you be!

   Sun Tzu's "The Art of War" says,
   Act like your skull is numb!
   You can distract opposing forces,
   So when they come,
   Play dumb!
   (That's easy!)

Firstly, this is really boss, man!
Secondly, it's so Chinese!
We'll be totally ... incompetent ... with ... ease ...
(Feign, Unity ...)
We'll ... feign ... totally, I don't know what that means!
But we'll make them see
That in-com-pe-tent  ... are ... we!!

casimir (casimir) says:

Unity would fain feign incompetence.

casimir (casimir) says:

Also, I don't know the term "green or black". Where is that from? "Skin Horse" is one of the most literate strips on the web (with the most literate comments). I'm always learning something.

Andrew Kunz (ampersand888) says:

So really, this is the Captain Irresponsible Taylor theory of leadership.

Diane Castle (deecee) says:

And Sun Tzu didn't say to apply that one rule all the time, either.  There's always another Sun Tzu quote that can be thrown back at the Schmot Guy who uses one.

Jeffrey Channing Wells (channing) says:

@Casimir: It's probably not wise for me to discuss Violet's utterance in depth, for fear of spoilers...

casimir (casimir) says:

um...thanks. I'll feign ignorance.

John Campbell (jcampbel) says:

I'm guessing that she's referring to both open (as in military, as in the guys in green - though ours seem to be mostly wearing tan these days) and secret warfare (as in black ops).

Nate Cull (natecull) says:

Proper kowtowing requires cows. And towbars.

Nate Cull (natecull) says:

Also, technically, there were plenty of snacks in Alsaska. At least, there was plenty of snacking.

Diane Castle (deecee) says:

@Nate: But not enough sammiches!

So It Begins (soitbegins) says: Eep.
Ed Gedeon (eddurd) says:

(TUNE: "Time Warp" from "The Rocky Horror Picture Show")

Sweetheart's pining,
Talks of resigning ...
I say ... "What the hell?"
Temper's rising,
But materializing
Is the Union's ... Speak'n'Spell!

"We're your fleshy ... government masters!
Bow down!"  is what we say!
But that damn thing
Is recording my ran-ting ...
Let's warp behind them today!
Let's warp behind them today!

It's just a twisting of space ...
And we're arriving direct!
A blue-ish glow on your face
From the Cherenkov effect!
But it's the FOOOM-y sound
That really gives it cachet-ey-ey-ey-ey!
Let's warp behind them today!
Let's warp behind them today!

Andrew Kunz (ampersand888) says:

Tune in next week as Violet Bee and Captain Wilkin bet $50 that the see-n-say says or spells the word "Exterminate." Oh, and Nate discovers he has a Tardis built into his system.

Joyce Melton (halfelven) says:

That's a heck of a speech from an undead killing machine with two ponytails. :)

Edwin Quantrall (reynard) says:

*awaits Ed's next filk with great antici...............................................................pation!*

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The education bestowed on Shaenon K. Garrity by her parents had been expensive, athletic and prolonged. ... full profile