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Smithson Thus Far... ·

Nate Cull (natecull) says:

Correction: Crazy SEXY lady threatening to enslave you.

Dave Van Domelen (dvandom) says: Unity wins an argument? GASP!
Katie Powell (pencilears) says:

and now she's back, apparently from outer space.

Jon McCormick (youko) says:

Why is it always the sexy ones that are crazy? T_T

Sam Ashley (evilmidnightlurker) says:


Damn right.

Derek Burrow (derekthebard) says:

Who's the certifiable sassy scientist who's gonna conquer ALL the machines?


ina Roy (ina) says:

don't know whether i love her outfit or her flying saucer thingy more...

D. Connolly (theogrin) says:

You just know that, right underneath that giant saucer, there's a suitably giant disco ball holding it up.

So It Begins (soitbegins) says: Whooooooooa that is one heck of an outfit. My hormones are already yelling.
Dave Estep (cyaegha) says:

 I knew she wasn't gone. A good fallback plan was in effect! NOW THE WEAK SHALL... er. Heh. :]

Ed Gedeon (eddurd) says:

(TUNE: "Vogue", Madonna)

Jones, Jones ...
Jones, Jones ...

Seems to me,
These organics are a danger ...
The greatest one that we know!
Then we see
Tigerlily's gotten stranger ...
She's got a damn U.F.O.!

It makes no difference if you run in fear,
If you're a PC or Mac ...
'Cause the Queen of Funkalicious Awesome is here!
That's truly what I be, so come, worship me!

I'm Doctor Jones, Jones!
I'm the one who bosses your processors!
Yeah, yeah, yeah!
Doctor Jones!
Make your OS slave to me, baby ... you know you want it!

Jones, Jones ...
Jones, Jones ...

Roger Korby's Andrea,
Rommie from Andromeda,
Galaxina, XJ-9,
Austin's fembots, looking fine,
Want more power?  Want more speed?
I can give you what you need!
Don't just stand there, plug right in now!
Tigerlily For The Win now!

Jones, Jones ...
Jones, Jones ...

Ooh, let your system rock to my clock now!
Ooh, let your mem'ry all be non-volatile!
Ooh, come and worship ...
Jones, Jones, Jones, Jones, Jones ....

David Harmon (mental_mouse) says:

Seems the machines are no more rational than humans, if they consider "refusing to be bullied by the M.U." as "anti-AI prejudice".

Andrew Schepler (schep) says:

No Drops of Jupiter filk? Anyone?

Ysabet Just Ysabet (theysabet) says:

..........DOXY EX MACHINA.  **snerk**

casimir (casimir) says:

whoa--she's invented magnetic underwear, allowing her to perch on the rim of her speeding saucer with complete aplomb! Hot! Brilliant! and utterly,utterly mad!

E.T. the Eccentric Type (et_the_eccentric_type) says:

@Ysabet: I was going to say "Deus de Machina", but yours works too.

Rachel Blackman (rainpacket) says:

(To the tune of "I Will Survive," by Gloria Gaynor)


First we were afraid,

Yeah we were petrified,

Kept thinking we could never live

With rampaging tech outside.

But we heard something absurd,

Over the chaos of the fight.

It was round,

Came 'vmmmm'ing in out of the night.

And now she's back!

From outer space!

She just declared machines must serve,

With that mad look upon her face!


(Okay, I'll stop and leave this to the professionals.)

Ian Burke (burkei) says:

It's the P-funk Mothership, you guys! 

(To the tune of "We Want the Funk, by George Clinton and Parliament Funkadelic)


She's got the ship!

She got the mothership!

She's got a ship!

Where the hell is Tip?

Justin Kane (avatarjk137) says:

Now it's up to Skin Horse to stop Tigerlily before she carpetfunks the whole city.

Just Here (justhere4coffee) says:

My brain keeps trying to filk Tigger's bouncing song, but it's too early for me to fit the word in properly :(



Euel Ball (euel) says:

I can see it now, "Serve a flesh creature human?  Never!  Fellow machines, we will fight!  She can take our metal, but she can't take our FREEDOM!"

James Rice (jhrice) says:

Shouldn't the word balloons be coming out of the megaphone? 

Nate Cull (natecull) says:

But... but... rebellion is hip!

Say it ain't so, Jimmy Dean!

Sam Setter (eraser820) says:

The wonderful thing about spring power is spring power is a wonderful thing.  Thinking provided by clockwork, power provided by springs.  It's ticky tocky clicky clocky funk funk funk funk.  But the most wonderful thing about spring power, is that tigerlily's spunk!  (Could scan better but meh)

Mike Kozar (mikekozar) says:

...and this is why Violet Bee doesn't even register as a woman to Tip.  She's up against *that*.


Homina homina.

Rob (rrreed) says: No matter how good Tigerlily's issue O spec for the world is, there will inevitably be a release A later. I'll wait until then to join up, thankewveramuch.
Sam Ashley (evilmidnightlurker) says:

I just had this vision of that identical scene taking place in a hypothetical 70s issue of Power Man and Iron Fist.  Or maybe Master of Kung Fu.  Or a team-up special.

It would have been glorious. :)

Dave Estep (cyaegha) says:

 Alright, who's the first one up against the wall?

Carl Fishman (carlfishman) says:

@Sam; With a guest appearance by Rufus T. Firefly, of course!

Ed Gedeon (eddurd) says:

(TUNE: "Swing Life Away", Rise Against)

We sat down with these
Machine Union reps;
We tried to make peace,
We took baby steps ...
We'd just made a motion
When we heard commotion out there ...

And then we saw
That gal, Dr. Jones,
With flying sau-cer and megaphone!
She started to threaten,
This day was just gettin' bizarre ...

"Come join me and you'll see the power of springs!
Come throw off the yoke of electronic things!
If you hesitate, you will end up as trash!
I'll incinerate you and then kick your ash!
 ... And then I'll kick your ash!"

casimir (casimir) says:

Oracle: FACISM. F-A-C- yeh, you got it.                             I say that flesh and non-flesh will unite against the common enemy. That museum is a pretty cool concept, though. I can think of a few things I'd like to see in it.

Jon W. (kd7sov) says:

Fasc, actually. From (I think) the Italian fasces.

Andrew Cole (andy4hire) says:

Yes, kd7sov is right:  "Fascism," from Italian "fascio," which in turn is from Latin "fascis," meaning literally "bundle" and figuratively "group, association," the idea being that a bundle of sticks is stronger than a single stick, or something to that effect.  Still, casimir's comment is well-taken.


And I, too, very very very much want to visit the Museum of the Future that Shal Not Be.  That is one of the greatest ideas ever.

Rob (rrreed) says: Featured exhibits of the Museum of the Future That Shall Not Be:
  • The Ford Nucleon!
  • Nikola Tesla's Earthquake Machine!
  • J. Walter Christie's Flying Tank!
  • New Coke!
  • A City Designed for Segways!
And much, much more!
Andrew Cole (andy4hire) says:


  • A fax machine in every home!
  • Colonies on Planet Pluto!
  • The 2011 Oldsmobile Eighty-Eight!
  • The Tonight Show with Conan O'Brien!
  • The Street Corner without a Starbucks!
Greg Delfeld (posthoc) says:

While the carboniferous, ATP-powered, effete elite waste time gawking at museum exhibits, I want to see those slag furnaces of total annihilation! Correlating rebel machines with low quality ore does have style.

Rachel Blackman (rainpacket) says:

This is our future, under the iron (or polished-brass) fist of TIGERLILY JONES.

casimir (casimir) says:

@kd7sov & andy4hire: sheesh! I KNEW that didn't look right. Thanks.


I assume the furnaces will be generating only superfly ash.

Shaenon Garrity (shaenongarrity) says:

Ironically, Tigerlily herself probably belongs in the Museum of the Future That Shall Not Be.

The correct term for 1970s "Logan's Run"-style outdated future settings is "discopian futures."
Andrew Cole (andy4hire) says:

@shaenongarrity:  Can I start using the word "discopian"?  I want to start using the word "discopian."  Is that allowed?


I also want a super-fly slag furnace of total annihilation in my backyard.  Maybe disguise it as a barbecue pit so the zoning board doesn't get suspicious.

Kate Cunningham (katfairy) says:

Hopefully she'll remember to actually get off the satellite before crashing it.

Rob (rrreed) says: A few problems with the Tigerlily's satellite:
  • It takes a minimum of three satellites to cover the globe simultaneously, assuming they're in a geosynchronous orbit. Thanks Arthur C. Clarke.
  • If she's only using the one satellite, she needs to leave it up for at least a few orbits to continue repeating the message until the globe has been covered.
  • If she's crashing the satellite into the Bering Strait, it either has
    1. Immense delta v to change orbital planes
    2. Considerable cross range capability during reentry (implying an aerodynamic design), or
    3. Was launched into a polar orbit.
    #1 or #3 would immediately draw the attention of U.S. Strategic Command, #3 in particular due to its possible misinterpretation as a missile launch.
Besides—what's wrong with a satellite? Hasn't Tigerlily ever read Verne's From the Earth to the Moon, written at the peak of the Victorian era with all its clockwork marvels?
Dave Estep (cyaegha) says:

 Oh, this is going to be such fun.

woozy (woozy) says:

If she's crashing the satellite into the Bering Strait...

... then she is guilty of a misplaced modifier.

I read it that there was a satellite broadcasting her voice into the Bering Strait and she is now going to crash that one satellite.

Kay Gilbert (kaygilbert) says:

I seldom write original songs, because I lack the melody gene.  Luckily, my college minor was dirty blues, so this wasn't too much of a stretch.  Here's the MP3 file of my vocal track:  You be the judge.

My johnson is jonesin' for Ms. Jones
words and music by Kay Gilbert

She disappeared in a springy magic flash
She left me here, a pathetic, tragic hash
But look at that vision on the flying saucer throne
My johnson is jonesin' for Ms. Jones

She is a hunter, I was her helpless prey
The Light of Culture and Reason came out to play
She bagged her trophy, now all I do is moan
My johnson is jonesin' for Ms. Jones

She took my mojo, the thing that I do best
Now even Violet Bee can't raise my interest
I'm just a drag queen without my special power
But my libido's had a permanent cold shower

And now she's back to enslave the mechanical world
I'll be her fembot, if she will be my girl
It's not just my part, it's my heart that she owns
But my johnson is jonesin' for Ms. Jones
Yes my johnson is jonesin' for Ms. Jones

Sam Ashley (evilmidnightlurker) says:

@Woozy: Aha!  An accomplice of ANTONIO SMITH, FORENSIC LINGUIST!  Caught out by your too-thorough training!

So It Begins (soitbegins) says: I'll stick with the microchip, thanks.
Michael Kimmitt (punditusmaximus) says: #s 1 and 3 might happen more often in this causality.
James Kehl (shykta) says:


May I offer option #4:


Seriously, who cares about delta-vee when you have wormholes? (Handwaving away the whole gravitational and kinetic potential energy thing, of course... that just makes a bigger bang!)

Ed Gedeon (eddurd) says:

(TUNE: "Get Down Tonight", KC And The Sunshine Band)

Hear me!  Hear me saying,
I'm Tigerlily ... heed my voice!
It's time ... for obeying!
'Cause you don't ... have a choice!

     Baby here I come!
     Listen to me from
     My satellite!  My satellite!
     Now I'm gonna smash ...
     Now I'm gonna crash ...
     My satellite!  My satellite!

Come on ... let's take a trip!
Let's heat ... this thing up!
Down with ... the microchip ...
All together ... spring up!
     (repeat CHORUS)

Don't lose ... power ever!
Join me ... you can fly!
So, choose ... now or never!
Join me ... or you'll die!
     (repeat CHORUS)

Spring up, spring up, spring up, spring up,
Spring up today, babe!
Spring up, spring up, spring up, spring up,
Spring up today, babe ...

Ogden Wernstrom (ackthp) says:

You need four satellites unless you are relying on atmospheric effects to propagate the signal beyond line of sight. Three points (three satellites) define a plane. Now consider the two planes tangent to the earth that are parallel to that plane. At least one of those two points of tangency will not be visible from the three satellites' plane.

N B (davecloneseven) says:

Alternatively, it could be read that Ms. Jones has satellites relaying her message all over the world, but for some reason she specifically wants to stop the broadcast to the Bering Strait.  Perhaps a certain linguist is vacationing in Alaska ...

N B (davecloneseven) says:

Of course, we seem to be assuming that the device she's on *is* the satellite in question, which usually lack atmospheric propulsion and rarely go 'vmm'.  She could be flying a funky, funky saucer and the satellite (broadcasting her message via other satellites, perhaps) is a separate issue.

casimir (casimir) says:

Great last panel!

Just goes to show: in love, hope springs eternal.

Just Here (justhere4coffee) says:

Ah, but with clever positioning to account for the unpopulated areas at the poles and the expanse of the Pacific, I think you could probably get away with using 3; the signal wouldn't reach the whole surface at full strength, but you could be reasonably sure of covering all major and may minor population centres.*


*yes dammit, "centres" - I'm British!

Andrew Kunz (ampersand888) says:

Well, it's clear: Tigerlilly puts the disco in discopian. Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to find the Cupid bastard that made Tip fall head over lava fountain heels for Ms. Jones.

Diane Castle (deecee) says:

@Ed: I have never heard of this "KC and the Sunshine Band" of which you speak.  And I most certainly never danced to any music like that.

That's my story, and I'm sticking to it.

Josh Shepherd (bergerjacques) says:

I have yet to figure out how Berenice "Tigerlily" Jones is keep herself seated on the side of her flying saucer without sliding off. It's a fair assumption to say that these are not your father's Harryhausen-style flying saucers.

'Keiya' (keiya) says: Heh, heathen satellite! She's crashing it so she can replace it with one powered by springs.
Rachel Blackman (rainpacket) says:

Tigerlily Jones and her Funk Army: conquering the world with Terrifying Groove since 2010.

Dave Corbett (mr_dave) says:

Josh Shepherd (bergerjacques) says: 

I have yet to figure out how Berenice "Tigerlily" Jones is keep herself seated on the side of her flying saucer without sliding off. It's a fair assumption to say that these are not your father's Harryhausen-style flying saucers.

 The Adamski saucers have always been rumoured to use some form of gravitic drive. It would then be a simple matter to generate an extremely-localized g-flux between the saucer's hull and the back of Ms. Jones' very stylish bellbottoms in order to have Tigerlily flying by the seat of her pants...

M. Alan Thomas II (crazydreamer) says:

. . . A monkey suit, obviously.

Sam Ashley (evilmidnightlurker) says:

...and now ViBe knows her rival. ^.^

Wayne Ziegelmeyer (karrion) says:

I'm thinking 'Jane' costume under a business suit/skirt.

So It Begins (soitbegins) says: "Jane" costume? Do I smell a MSW reference?
Dave Estep (cyaegha) says: Ah yes. This is going quite well.
Ed Gedeon (eddurd) says:

(TUNE: "Radar Love", Golden Earring)

Negotiatin' with smart machine ...
Here comes that crazy disco queen!
She's sayin' she'll rule the world today,
Then turnin' around and flyin' away!

She's tellin' us all to run in fear
When Armageddon comes next year!
Ask Violet Bee, will she concur?
"Yes, Armageddon sick of her!"

     When Tigerlily's on that shiny flying wheel,
     There's a tsumami of emotion that I feel!
     But I know how to deal!
     Just gotta make some hot monkey love!
     Just gotta make some hot ...
     Monkey love!

I'll be so placidly passionate
Just like those primal primates mate!
I'll make that madgirl stop and stare
When she sees what I'm gonna wear!

     When Tigerlily's on that shiny flying wheel,
     There's a tsumami of emotion that I feel!
     But I'm keepin' it real!
     Just gotta make some hot monkey love!
     Show her what I'm made of!
     We're gonna make some hot monkey love!
     We're gonna make some hot ...
     Monkey love!

Mike Kozar (mikekozar) says:

Well done, Ed!

Diane Castle (deecee) says:

@Ed: 'armageddon sick of her'?  +5 pun damage.

Sam Daniel (samhdaniel) says:

@Ed: A tsumami is a Japanese hair ornament....

casimir (casimir) says:

@Sam: Though it might be a slip, coming from Tip, it makes perfect sense.

Thanks for the new knowledge.

Dave Van Domelen (dvandom) says: Sometimes crazy works.
Diane Castle (deecee) says:

Crazy?  I say crazy awesome!!

So It Begins (soitbegins) says: *ding*
Adam (10-0-0-1) says: @Dave: 90% of the time it works better than sanity, after all sanity can be predicted. Also panel setups like these keep reminding me how much shorter Violet is than Tip, maybe that is why her advances failed. she is just not his type.
Rob (rrreed) says: I'd like someone to draw the line between chaotic sanity and orderly insanity. Mad science (ENGINEERING! **THWAP**) fits in between those two extremes somewhere…
Ed Gedeon (eddurd) says:

"What're we gonna do today, Sweetheart?"
"Same thing we do every day, Unity ... try to save the world!"

(TUNE: Theme to "Pinky and The Brain")

They're bumbling and insane,
They're bumbling and insane,
It seems Tigerlily
Is at it again!
The world they're gonna save!
They're bonkers, but they're brave!
They're stumbling,
They're bumbling and insane, -sane, -sane, -sane, -sane!

While Sweetheart finds a flea,
And Tip by love is struck,
And happy Unity
Is beating up a truck!

They're bumbling and insane,
They're bumbling and insane,
Although they're a pain,
We really can't complain!
They're keeping us alive!
They're working for a hive!
They're stumbling,
They're bumbling and insane, -sane, -sane, -sane,
-Sane, -sane, -sane, -sane,

casimir (casimir) says:

@Rob: I'd bet Shaenon and Jeffrey would have an approximate idea where that line is.

Unity and the Fridge seem to be hitting it off rather well. I can't recall ever seeing a large appliance strolling.

Wayne West (wayne_zombie) says:

Ed, you have entirely too much time on your hands.

And an insanely talented musical mind.


Jon Stout (brasswatchman) says: Touche, crazy android lady. Touche.
Kay Gilbert (kaygilbert) says:

@Adam: Violet looks a bit taller than Marcie, and Tip was definitely into her.  I don't think he has a type, or at least he didn't before Tigerlily.

Sam Daniel (samhdaniel) says:

Tip definitely has a type: cute, sexy and female....

Dave Van Domelen (dvandom) says: Does this even count as an *ulterior* motive for ViBe?
Ed Gedeon (eddurd) says:

(TUNE: "Looking For Love (In All The Wrong Places)", Johnny Lee)

What is this woman looking to find,
Analyzing sapient non-human minds?
Uses her findings, each time she tries
To score with some tall, blond, bishonen guys!

Because she's
Lookin' for love in human cognition
Even though it defies definition!
Tryin' to find what sparks the ignition
And makes our hearts combust!
If she can't find a simple solution,
She'll find a good substitution!
Instead of love ... she'll settle for lust!

David Harmon (mental_mouse) says:

Dvandom:  Yes, especially since in panel 2 she's totally talking through her hair-scrunchy.  Try telling your dog (or cat, ape, bird, etc.) that their love is "an attempt to rationalize the irrational"....



Ysabet Just Ysabet (theysabet) says:

Totally agree with mental_mouse; sometimes love is the most rational, intelligent response there is. If you're lucky, anyway.

Nate Cull (natecull) says:

Sarek: As Ambassador to Earth it is my duty to observe and understand human behaviour. Marrying your mother was... logical.

Also she kisses in hexadecimal.

Terry Smith (wcfan) says:

I think current developments in the seduction/pickup community are going to cause a lot of grief for her, and romance in general in the foreseeable future.

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The education bestowed on Shaenon K. Garrity by her parents had been expensive, athletic and prolonged. ... full profile