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Smithson Thus Far... ·

Andrew Kunz (ampersand888) says:

Hey, Unity! Look on the back side...there's a sale at Macy's!



E.T. the Eccentric Type (et_the_eccentric_type) says:

Litters? From a tree?

Oh, no--he's an anthrophile, isn't he?!

maggie d (sophistre) says:

It's the firefox, or red panda, that they scared off a minute ago who had the litters, I think. ;)

Typhin Reynard (typhin) says:

@ Edwin Quantrall : It's an alias, I dislike using my real name on the 'net.  Partially because I dislike my real name in general, for reasons I generally dislike going into.  ^_^;;

Typhin Reynard (typhin) says:

(Sorry for the double post.)  Totally called it, running because they're federal agents.  ^_~

So It Begins (soitbegins) says: Any plan is a bad plan if you lose your hat.
Q. Pheevr (q-pheevr) says:

Also, any plan where you become someone else's hat is probably a bad plan. (There may be exceptions to that one, though.)

Ed Gedeon (eddurd) says:

BTW, I've been catching up on last week's comments.  Thanks everyone, nice to know I was missed.  I'm job hunting right now, so most of my morning is taken up with searching job sites and sending out resumes (and the rest of the day is taken up with the backlog of the "honeydew" list).

Anyway, today we'll play ...

(TUNE: "Down The Highway", Jim Croce)

We got papers here, we're supposed to serve!
I made a hat!  I made a hat!
If you fold them carefully, please observe!
Hey, how 'bout that?  Hey, how 'bout that?

And we're chasing a fox 'cause he's a deadbeat dad!
You know, he'd make a hat ... that really rad!

Now through the swamp we're walking,
Firefox we're slowly stalking!
We'll get from that ol' rat a hat that's phat!

Ben N (mittfh) says:

If negotiating with the Client isn't successful, I'm sure it would make a more weatherproof hat than the child support papers...


In fact, the threat of being turned into headwear may prove more effective than the court papers themselves...



Looking at Ed's filk, if we have another hat-themed panel, it wouldn't surprise me if we have a Dr. Seuss inspired one before the story's end...

(Just a darn shame that Zombie is 2 syllables and Unity 3, whereas Cat is 1)

Ben N (mittfh) says:

Typical Unity - nothing like the direct approach (she doesn't exactly do subtlty)... :)

casimir (casimir) says:

She's nuclear on the concept.

Nick Lardas (voyager) says:

They can't see you if they're all dead.

Ed Gedeon (eddurd) says:

(TUNE: "Secret Agent Man", Barri & Sloan)

Secret agents on our secret capers ...
Client must receive these secret papers!
So we'll stuff 'em down your throat,
Make a hat out of your coat ...
You'll file a grievance with Gavotte tomorrow!

Secret ... Skin Horse team!
Secret ... Skin Horse team!
Yeah, we'll tell you that we're secret,
Just as loud as we can scream!

casimir (casimir) says:

Which counts as received? Papers to client or message to Unity?

Poor Sweetheart! She'll take life's little victories, even if she has to imagine them.

Wayne (wayne) says:

My fav memory of that song was when I was picking up a friend to take to a gaming session.  He hands me a cassette with a smile and won't tell me what it is.  I pop it in, and it's Secret Agent Man: in Spanish.

Very cool, even in a foreign language.

Excellent job, Ed!  Now where's the second verse?

Diane Castle (deecee) says:

Once again, Ed FTW!  Now I have to clean the soda off my keyboard from laughing so hard...

Philip Cohen (treesong2) says:

Hey, she didn't say 'Lemme stuff these secret papers down your throat!'

Ysabet Just Ysabet (theysabet) says:

What *I* want to know is how they figured out he was sapient? Wasn't language, that's for sure. Maybe they caught him downloading hot panda porn on the zoo office computer or something? **headscratch**  Have to admit, though, I'm impressed by Unity's efforts towards nonviolent (so far) communication.

E.T. the Eccentric Type (et_the_eccentric_type) says:

That's the problem with supposed "nonhuman sapience". The only way we can define them is by being able to converse with them.

Ergo, what I want to know is how Unity can understand Black And White And Red All Over Panda, despite being Dead (Brain or Otherwise). Maybe she ate panda brains beforehand.

PS. I failed the Turing test 5 times before they gave up. Then they donated me to a rural community college. Skin Horse and the TOTAL alike refuse to acknowledge my sapience.

Nick Lardas (voyager) says:

Honestly, I suspect why her attempts at communication have remained non-violent is because she can't quite reach him yet.

Ben N (mittfh) says:

@voyager And he knows it - otherwise he wouldn't be insulting her! Besides which, if she gets close, there are branches higher up the tree he could retreat to...

Maybe I'm over-thinking this, but I wonder if we'll get a monologue about how cr*ppy life at the wildlife sanctuary is? Perhaps having his wicked way with the ladies is the only form of entertainment he can get...

Adam (10-0-0-1) says: I wonder why they did not bring Tip along, he and the panda could swap stories about hot girls while unity sneaks up and delivers the papers.
Rob (rrreed) says: Frink?
Dave Van Domelen (dvandom) says: No, that's lemurs, rrreed.
Ed Gedeon (eddurd) says:

(TUNE: "Blue Velvet", Bobby Vinton)

He's a red ... panda!
Now he's a douchebag deadbeat dad,
He's gotta pay for fun he had,
At the zoo ...

He's a red ... panda!
And he's the rude, obnoxious sort!
Bills for delinquent cub support,
He'll accrue!

Hear them loudly conversing ...
He's in an ugly mood!
Now at Unity cursing,
Chattering rude,
"Go and get screwed!"

Oh, red ... panda!
You're having such a lousy day,
You made some kids, so you must pay
Through the nose ...
And red panda has profanity that's gross!

Kirt Dankmyer (xiombarg) says:

As to what qualifies as sapient: Skin Horse is a government agency. They probably have a set of inadequate thumbnail guidelines defined by legislation or by their parent agency.

Wayne (wayne) says:

I was thinking rather than Tip and the fox swapping stories, Tip trying to reason with him via hand puppets.


Either works.

Andrew Kunz (ampersand888) says:

Someone has been watching The Emperor's New Groove one too many times I see. Complete with plumb loco squirrels.

Derek Burrow (derekthebard) says:

"Little fuzzy dudes shouldn't be douches."  Words to live by.

beeswil beeswil (beeswil) says:

Do you finding out coach poppy handbags on Clearance? Well, the best place to find great sales on Coach handbags on eBay. See many people spend a coach purses handbag to another and they must find a way to get rid of their old juicy couture handbags. And you can mix in a get a great deal on practically new Coach handbags.

Corgi (corgi) says:

UNITY... spammer.  Sic'm, girl.

Steve Jackson (steve_jackson) says:

Spammer, but . . . almost worth the price of admission. Do you suppose the AIs are already here, and just not *very* I yet?

E.T. the Eccentric Type (et_the_eccentric_type) says:



*"Ya wanna see spitz?"

E.T. the Eccentric Type (et_the_eccentric_type) says:

Then he spits, by the way.

Cat Bascle (mage_cat) says:

Unity looks so proud of herself.

Sam Setter (eraser820) says:

heheheh was the Star Trek original series parody there in the last panel intentional or coincedental?  Because Unity IS a lot like Kirk... Shoot first, if there's anyone or anything living afterwards interrogate them.

So It Begins (soitbegins) says: "Oh, I'm sorry, Dogmatix! I know you hate it when I pull up the pretty trees!"
Ed Gedeon (eddurd) says:

(TUNE: "Don't Bring Me Down", Electric Light Orchestra)

You're up a tree now and you're being so rude!
I'm looking up and saying, "Screw this noise, dude!"
I'll bring you down ... yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah!
You mis'rable wretch!  Your fanny Sweetheart will fetch!
I'll bring you down!

I'll serve these papers, do whatever it takes!
I'll take this tree and give it three or four shakes!
I'll bring you down ... yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah!
Endangered or not, I'll take you out like a shot!
I'll bring you down!

I'll bring you down ... dude!
I'll bring you down ... dude!
I'll bring you down ... dude!
I'll bring you dow-ow-ow-own!

Though Sweetheart won't retreive because she's a spitz,
We'll keep on coming, neither one of us quits!
We'll bring you down ... yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah!
So do not resist, or else you'll talk to my fist!
I'll bring you down, down, down, down, down!

Mike Kozar (mikekozar) says:

Good one, Ed!

Glenn Gorsuch (glenn) says:

Y'know, in a lot of ways, this particular story is  the LEAST far-fetched of all the Skin Horse stories so far.  While I don't work in Child Support Services, I work closely with them, and the efforts that CSS has to go through to...assist absent parents in meeting their obligations (and the efforts of said absent parents to avoid them) are nothing short of amazing.

One tale in particular is particularly absent father just COULDN'T pay his $20,000 or so past due support obligation--because he'd just bought himself a nice $50,000 pleasure boat.  So CSS drove up, hitched up his boat and trailer, and drove it off--cost him more than $100,000 (arrears and fees and such) to get it back--which he paid!

I'm sure my local CSS office would LOVE to know if Unity would moonlight for them.

Andrew Kunz (ampersand888) says:

Glenn: Great story.

Somme Boddy (urx) says:

Sweetheart in this last panel looks like she's going to go on a rampage in a second.  

So It Begins (soitbegins) says: Heh.
Wayne (wayne) says:

Ram page?  Isn't that when I exhaust my laptop's physical ram and it's spooled out to disk via the lazywriter process?

Sorry, been up since 3:45am and am at the observatory for another glorious hour of laser spotting.  If only we could aim the laser at aircraft rather than shut it down when they appear, it would be ever so much more entertaining.

Ed Gedeon (eddurd) says:

(TUNE: "Complicated", Avril Lavigne)

Skin Horse ... now has sent us both
To search ... through the undergrowth
For some ... stupid firefox
Who deserved
To be served!

Mukjong ... is a nasty sort!
He won't ... pay his child support!
See him ... take off running
Up a tree,
Curse at me!

See Unity
Shaking a tree,
Making him frown,
Bringing him down!
Now see the writ,
Torn all to s**t today ...
Well ...

Boy, it seems the civil process sure is complicated!
It's tough to do, it
Seems as though the order from the court's disintegrated!
It's torn in two, and
This demand, that we planned we would hand
To the panda has landed us all in trouble!
All that we've accomplished is our client has been irritated!
(Likes it rough ...)

Bruce Bergman (brucebergman) says:

You got the term wrong - It's ADOS.  Attention Defecit.... Oh, Shiny!!

(Ritalin: How horrible teachers drug brilliant kids into docile zombie submission instaed of learning to teach.  Been there, Rejected that...)

Dave Van Domelen (dvandom) says: (On the other hand, a little drugging might be a good idea with Unity.)
Adam (10-0-0-1) says: @Bruce: as someone who has been helped by it in the past I must disagree with you there. It is true that it gets prescribed to kids who do not need it but those who it benefits outweigh the problems. (sorry if that came off rantish, this one is a bit of a petpeve for me)
Ed Gedeon (eddurd) says:

(TUNE: "Fly Me To The Moon", Bart Howard)

Cuffing a raccoon,
It makes us all look like a jerk!
All because some undead loon
Can't keep her mind on work!
I tell you true, it looks bad!
I'm telling you, yes I'm mad!

Now we've got to see
A judge, and get a warrant quick!
Thanks so much, Miss ADHD!
This job makes me sick!
I'm telling you, yes I'm hurt!
Tonight for you, no dessert!

Derek Burrow (derekthebard) says:

I don't think that drugs are going to work on Unity.  She is, after all, dead.

Tom Powell (top1950) says:

@Adam:  Thank you!  Yes, it is sometimes misused by parents and teachers, but if you have ever tried to teach a group of kids to read while one student continually (every 30 seconds, tops) jumps out of his chair to point out something he noticed, then you might become a believer.  For those kids, when they're on their medication then they're eager and willing learners. 

When parents forgot or neglected the medicine, then NOBODY learned in that entire group of kids.  Sorry for the rant, too, but I still have to deal with it occasionally.

Frank (pokefan_frank) says:

Only in Skin Horse can we mix hunting terms and judicial terms. Good work!

Nick Lardas (voyager) says:

Going to ground is actually a police term too, for pretty much the same behaviour, actually.

Ysabet Just Ysabet (theysabet) says:

They're gonna need some mighty small cuffs. It'll make for an interesting set of mugshots, though.

Martin Hellberg Olsson (the_somewhat_knight) says:

Of course, "hot panda porn" actually exists. Though I'm not sure if there's any for the red variety (unless Mukjong is getting popular on Deviantart?)

Martin Hellberg Olsson (the_somewhat_knight) says:

Oh yeah, hot panda porn (or talk about it and a video link that may not work): h p

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The education bestowed on Shaenon K. Garrity by her parents had been expensive, athletic and prolonged. ... full profile