Let me guess ... Dr. Goodness is a woman whose first name is Shirley, and she and her sister Mercy are out partying with Tip. In fact, they'll like him so much they'll turn into stalkers, and follow him all the days of his life.
(TUNE: "City Of New Orleans", Steve Goodman)
Flying down to New Orleans this morning, Taking orders from a swarm of bees ... Try to get some info on the Cypress From Dr. Goodness, Justice of the Peace!
And now we're here, and as we feared, Tip has up and disappeared, These lonely girls just think that he's sublime! But one thing that's not understood, Why a swamp would wed a dude ... I bet 'round here it happens all the time!
Good morning, New Orleans, what's up now? We'll show you how your taxes have been spent ... We're the secret social service squad called Skin Horse, And we're here to help you, we're the government!
Brilliant, Ed! If there's one thing that I love about autobiographies, it's when I can hear the voice of the writer as I read them. I've only found two so far: George Burns' 'Gracie', and Walter Cronkite's autobiography. This had the perfect Arlo Guthrie voice, and I would love to see him do it. Even more so, I'd like to see Woody perform it, and since Skin Horse obviously has no problem with the dead...
Although I never met the Justice of the Peace nor the other sisters, I have met Mercy who runs a *very* unusual aromatherapy clinic. She fixed me a strange infusion of hot water and the skin and bone marrow of an Australian tree dwelling marsupial. It wasn't as foul tasting as it sounds but the bits of fur floating about where disconcerting. I asked her if she could have put it through a strainer but she was rather adamant on that point.
Anyway, The aromatherapy shop is gone now, but I'm glad Shirley and the others are not departed or gone.
Skin Horse is in New Orleans, they were told They should talk to Doctor Goodness, eigh-ty years old ... But ... I gotta say Doctor Goodness looks good! And he don't look eighty ... must be that good Cajun food!
Oh, Doctor Goodness, you are ... so hot for sure! Hot in both sex appeal ... and in tem-per-a-ture! Now Unity ... says, "Some of that for me!" Doctor, you're a nut, like it says on your tee!
Oooh, he's shiny... but whoah, Drs. Goodness and Nut? "And goodness and nut shall follow me all the days of my life, And I shall dwell in the House of the Rising Sun forever." Hmm; interesting.
I must say, he's taking the rather unusual appearance of Unity rather well - perhaps he's just totally confused and 'going with the flow'. I love his "I'll get you an asprin" comment! Bonus points if he can sew :)
And after meeting Unity, conversing with a talking dog (Sweetheart) probably won't come as much of a surprise...
"Now, stand aside, worthy adversary!"
"'Tis but a scratch!"
"A scratch? Your arm's off!"
"No, it isn't!"
"Well, what's that then?"
"I've had worse."
"You liar!"
"Come on, you pansy!"
With a little luck, and some elbow grease, We'll get to Dr. Goodness, The Justice of the Peace ... With a little tact, and a lot of force We'll find out why the Cypress Got married and divorced!
So ... you probably won't be harmed! So ... you notice that I'm unarmed!
Lend a hand! (Need a needle and some thread!) Lend a hand! (I'm alive, and not undead!) Lend a hand! (Please excuse me, I'm all thumbs!) Get me an aspirin ... an aspirin, And maybe some Tums!
Dave Van Domelen (dvandom) says:
Ben, this is New Orleans in a world where mad science is real (in addition to being decadent et al). He probably sees weirder things before breakfast.
Heh. This scene reminds me of "Harry Potter and the Methods of Rationality", where Science Harry Potter witnesses somebody turning into a cat and flips out.
Well, it makes sense. Just because we think both Unity and Sweetheart exist in the same catergory (weird things that exist in Skin Horse) doesn't mean they exist in the same category for other folks. In fact, I'm pretty sure nearly any category where zombies are expected (Anne Rice Novels, the Buffy-verse, horror movies, etc.) talking dogs will not be and vice-versa.
Or to put it another way, Hellmouths don't imply rayguns.
@ woozy: It's funney you say that because I just finished rereading Garth Nix's Old Kingdom trilogy, wihich *does* have both zombies and a talking dog. The dog is considered much odder than the Dead though.
I was going to go with Sunnydale weird, where a talking dog is nothing: there was a talking ventriloquist's dummy one time, and at least three different kinds of zombies.
Still no reference to "Arm Fall Off Lad" or Gaspode? I'd be more freaked out by a self dismembering zombie than a conversational canine, but that's just me...
tune: "Bicycle race" by Freddy Mercury (Queen, Jazz, 1978)
Sewing kit, sewing kit, sewing kit I want to use a sewing kit I want to sew my arm I want to use a sewing kit This arm of mine has come to harm
You say black I say white You say bark I say bite You say live I say dead Let me nom on your head I like brains for breakfast You're all sweaty and hot Dr. Goodness you are not Help us find Peyrehorade Married Cypress, then divorced Clearly this calls for Skin Horse But first I gotta have a
Sewing kit, sewing kit, sewing kit I want to use a sewing kit I want to sew my arm I want to use a sewing kit This arm of mine has come to harm
Eric Burns (ericburns) says:
That was pretty cold on Sweetheart's part. Her attitude's worsening. I think she needs a good cathartic experience to get everything out of her system.
You know...
RAMPAGE!
@Kay: Very well done! You are the champion, my friend ...
(TUNE: "Jessie's Girl", Rick Springfield)
Talked to Dr. Nut, yeah, Told him it's Dr. Goodness we seek ... When he heard Sweetheart talking, he started to freak, Then he calmed down and he told us, we should've come last week!
Yeah, she was coming down the stairs and tripped, So last Friday, we laid her in the crypt ... Which, the way things are going in this town, Won't keep her down ...
Okay, but does she have a sewing kit? I say, is there a sewing kit? Where can I find a needle and thread?
Dave Van Domelen (dvandom) says:
It's New Orleans...not only would nobody notice if Sweetheart rampaged, they probably wouldn't even notice if UNITY rampaged.
John Ames (commodorejohn) says:
I do love Sweetheart's "nice of her to go and die on me" expression.
@Ed: Thanks, buy the one thing that's certain is that you will, you will rock us! I wish you could have come to the Skin Horse 2 book party. Everybody talked about you. Youd'a blushed.
He'd been reminiscing about his big, furry dog going "woof, woof" (rather than talking). He wasn't expecting any company, but now that he's got some, he wanted to clean up.
ooh ooh a quiz! If this is going where I think it's going, then, despite being in her eighties, Dr.Goodness did not die of old age... and the handsome young Dr.Nut man is...not using a swiffer sweeper to sanitize the scene.
Goodness, she claims to have no pain receptors and then responds comically to a hangnail! It's as if this comic strip is supposed to be funny! Really, E.T. Come on.
The toughest man I ever knew, an Army Ranger, had this exact reaction to a hangnail. 6'5", 230 lbs of pure, unadulterated machismo, brought low by a small piece of skin halfway flaked off.
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