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Smithson Thus Far... ·

Derek Burrow (derekthebard) says:

...why do I now have this desire to see Unity punch out Dr. Insano from The Spoony Experiment?

"*I'M* science!" needs to go on a shirt.

E.T. the Eccentric Type (et_the_eccentric_type) says:

That reminds me of the time I claimed to be "the cause of global peace" to get free brownies.

David Toboz (professor_zobot) says:

Does a necrotic animated piecemeal corpse really count as Science after the experiment that created her is over?

Check that. Is anoyne really brave enough to ask Unity that? I'm not...


As long as I'm making a post... Ever wanna be a Mad Scientist? The Mad Sci Wars, in the Skin Horse Forums, are always recruiting! Feel free to apply in the Recruitment thread, and enjoy free play in the Practice Wars thread with other aspiring evil geniuses!

Rob (rrreed) says: For a t-shirt, I think it ought to be "I AM Science!" "I'M Science" just doesn't have the same punch. Something about contracting the verb with the subject of the sentence just ruins the emphasis.
So It Begins (soitbegins) says: . . .
Adam Underfoot (unnatural20) says:

must... buy... poor-quality... viking footwear...

Ed Gedeon (eddurd) says:

You do realize that "Science is a verb now", don't you?  (My nerdiest outfit is my t-shirt with that slogan ... that glows in the dark.  Excuse me, that sciences in the dark.)

(TUNE: "Sixteen Going On Seventeen", Rodgers & Hammerstein)

I am Science, totally Science!
Science that's mad and sick!
Was bought on eBay
From some evil intern chick!

They designed me like an appliance,
Built me from feet to head ...
Black gooey crud
Replacing my blood
And keeping my parts undead!

Mixing and matching parts, just like
Ikea storage cubes ...
Put on my fighting fists to strike,
Or wear my party boobs!

Remy thinks this zombie's the bomb, he
Doesn't believe it's odd ...
I am Science, totally Science,
Wi-ith a ki-iller bod!

Mad Andy (andrew_c) says:

"Verbing nouns wierds language." - Calvin (the manic schoolkid with a tiger, not the religious scholar and reformer).

Q. Pheevr (q-pheevr) says:

@Sweetheart: To drink or to kick?

Rachel Blackman (rainpacket) says:

I love that the mortician actually asked that question.  It makes me wonder if he has two drawers in the freezer.

@Mad Andy: How do you know the manic schoolkid with the tiger didn't /grow up/ to be the religious reformer?  (Wow, there's a whole pile of scary in one thought.)


Ben N (mittfh) says:

@Ed - buying body parts on Ebay... hmm... I suppose it beats trawling mortuaries or gravedigging... :)

Meanwhile, "I AM Science" - if next month was any month other than December, a large scale image featuring it would be ideal for the monthly wallpaper...

Carl Fishman (carlfishman) says:

@Rachel; I've read that Waterson has admitted that his Calvin and Hobbes were named deliberitely after John Calvin (Jean Chauvin) and Thomas Hobbes.

Ed Gedeon (eddurd) says:

@BenN - long ago in Narbonic, Mell mentioned that she paid part of her college tuition by selling her DNA to a government bioweapons program.  I don't know if Shaenon's ever officially confirmed that Mell's DNA went into Unity ... on the other hand, I don't think she's denied it, either.

Philip Cohen (treesong2) says:

@Mad Andy: Actually, it's just 'Verbing weirds language.' Note that in the quotation he verbs an adjective.

Daniel Dwiggins (dand) says:

@Chris - Not so much admitted as acknowledged, I don't think there was ever any question about it.  If you read some of the sled dialogues, they pretty much quote their respective philosophers belief systems.

woozy (woozy) says:

Unity's cute when she's demanding donuts.

E.T. the Eccentric Type (et_the_eccentric_type) says:

"Serving the dead"? Is he also a cook?

Have some of his freshly stewed... meat. It came from... an animal. It used to be alive.

John Burke (johnnyb) says:

I kind of imagine that "serving the dead" has never been so straightforward for Remy as it is right now. At least it cuts down on the inherent ambiguity of the whole process.

John Campbell (jcampbel) says:

I had to read that last panel twice before I realized that it wasn't "Princess Demandy-parts". Which would make sense, I suppose. Brains are parts.

-drops a tungsten crowbar on the spammer from orbit-

The Auld Grump (theauldgrump) says:

You mean an orbituary? *Ducks flying chunks of Spam (and Spammer)*


The Auld Grump

Ed Gedeon (eddurd) says:

(TUNE:  "Popeye The Sailor Man", Sammy Lerner)

She's Princess Demandy-Pants!
Just hear how she raves and rants!
Here's coffee and donuts
Just so she won't go nuts!
She's Princess Demandy-Pants!

Here's Remy, the young man
Who works as a houngan,
He lives just to serve the dead ...
The girl who is Science
Won't sit there in silence
Until she's completely fed!

If Remy has any remains, with brains,
He'll cook them like chefs do in France ...
He'll bake them in butter
If up it will shut her,
She's Princess Demandy-Pants!

She's Princess Demandy-Pants!
She's warning you in advance ...
Beware of her brawn, or
You might be a goner!
She's Princess Demandy-Pants!

casimir (casimir) says:

mmmm...a plate of fresh braignets!

Andrew Cole (andy4hire) says:

@theauldgrump:  I bow in humble tribute, sir or ma'am.

Also, @shaenongarrity and @channing, I am totally telling some friends of mine who have toddler-aged daughters about the "Princess Demandy-pants" line.

Diane Castle (deecee) says:

@AQndy: forget those toddlers!  I intend to use it on my high schooler, who is 15 and male.  I expect LOTS of complaining.

Derek Burrow (derekthebard) says:

Well, she *WOULD* get a few extra attacks from them.  So I can see the definite advantages of having all those extra limbs.  Plus if she channels some pure Mell she could wield five guns at the same time, which is a truly frightening feat for a maniac zombie.

Though perhaps not as crazy as slight linking problem the poster above me is having.  Their argument about the etymology of "God" is slightly hampered by their Tourettes-like typing tic for advertising an online jewlery story, however.  Still, I applaud their verve.

Adam Underfoot (unnatural20) says:

Don't applaud the verve of a spammer, Derek.

Anyway, it's like they said in Shclock Mercenary: Just because you have more guns doesn't mean you have more eyes. There's only so many targets you can hit.

E.T. the Eccentric Type (et_the_eccentric_type) says:

@Adam Underfoot: When you're invulnerable, super-strong, and have enough arms to triple-wield two-handed weapons, you don't need to worry if your attacks hit or not. Just flail like a landlocked trout with an epileptic seizure, and you'll hit pretty much anything.

EDIT: Granted, it's not very energy-efficient, but she's already a running necrotic. Who knows where they get their energy from, since, a la Zombie Dave, they don't digest stuff?

Ed Gedeon (eddurd) says:

If Dr. Goodness has a book entitled "Spirit World", does she also have a copy of Daniel Clowes "Ghost World"?

(TUNE: "I Just Died In Your Arms Tonight", Cutting Crew)

Oh, she's got five extra arms tonight!
How boss is it, being undead?
She's got five extra arms tonight!

We keep looking for answers, running blind,
Maybe the Cypress could help us find
What Doctor Goodness used to call the wishing spot ...
It grants the desires within our hearts,
Like Unity gaining some extra parts!
I'd give her a hand, but it seems that she's already got ...

Oh, she's got five extra arms tonight!
How boss is it, being undead?
She's got five extra arms tonight!
Oh, she's got five extra arms tonight!
(And maybe just one extra head)
She's got five extra arms tonight!

Tiff Hudson (tiff_hudson) says:

Heh./ Ed beat me to Ghost World.

Shooting with five arms isn't all bad. I know this octopus who was in an industrial accident once, and now works as a bodyguard. But seriously, folks, it's two arms for suppressing fire, one arm for directed fire, and two arms for reloading.

Tiff Hudson (tiff_hudson) says:

"Jools, eggs, bacon, and jools!"

Jools, Jools, Jools, Jools

Lovely Jools! Wonderful Jools!

Johnn Reynolds (sleepyjohn) says:

She could fire, reload, change channels, snarf potato chips, and play with the electric socket all at the same time!

Glenn Gorsuch (glenn) says:

Shouldn't she have at least one dedicated arm for sammiches?  I mean, priorities. 

Andrew Kunz (ampersand888) says:

Somewhere, Vishnu must be shaking his head.

Rachel Blackman (rainpacket) says:

You know, the spammers would be less obnoxious if they weren't so bleeding VERBOSE.

woozy (woozy) says:

You know, the spammers would be less obnoxious ...

No!  Even if it's true you don't say it!  Spammers can *NEVER* be less (or more) obnoxious.  Spammers, no matter their current or potential future methods, are *ALWAYS* the nadar of obnoxiousness.

Rob (rrreed) says: @E.T.—if you're in such a target-rich environment that, "… flail(ing) like a landlocked trout with an epileptic seizure" produces results, you may as well as just set off a bomb and be done with it.

"Habit #37. There is no 'overkill.' There is only 'open fire' and 'I need to reload.'" —The Seven Habits of Highly Effective Pirates
E.T. the Eccentric Type (et_the_eccentric_type) says:

@Rob: I'm just saying that multibrachial berserking is more her style.

Andy Wetmore (efogoto) says:

@Rob: Setting off a bomb lacks the personal touch of a flailing rampage!

Norman Thallheimer (normanrt) says:

I thought it was werewolves that had perfect hair? Or is that only at Trader Vic's?

E.T. the Eccentric Type (et_the_eccentric_type) says:

Let's see...

Robots obviously exist in this universe, like the toy robots, Moustachio, Sweetdaddy Jupiter Velvet, and Water Cooler.

Aliens apparently "look like Kermit".

Vampires... haven't made an appearance... yet.

Just Here (justhere4coffee) says:

Now I think about it, I can't recall the last ungroomed vampire I've seen on screen...

Mike Kozar (mikekozar) says:

@Just Here:  How could you forget Quinn, the scruffy-but-lovable henchman in Blade?

Q: "Are we gonna be gods?"

D: "...yeah, Quinn.  We're gonna be gods."

Q: (long, thoughtful pause) "I'm gonna be naughty.  I'm gonna be a naughty god."

Andrew Kunz (ampersand888) says:

Everyone knows Vampires use Just for Men Gray to keep their 300 year old hair shiny and vibrant. Just ask Kate Beacon!

Adam Underfoot (unnatural20) says: mean Kate Beaton?

Ed Gedeon (eddurd) says:

(TUNE: "Thank Heaven For Little Girls", Alan Jay Lerner and Frederick Loewe)

Cross-dressing ... psychologist
He vanished in a crowd of drunken chicks!
Cross-dressing ... psychologist
He's out there somewhere, teaching naughty tricks!

Where he goes, their libidos he releases,
In that French Quarter with our daughters and our nieces!

Cross-dressing ... psychologist
Most places
Turn their faces
From a guy in ladies' clothes,
But 'round here, well, we've got dozens of those!

Caressing ...
Transgressing ...
Cross-dressing ... psychologist!

Andrew Kunz (ampersand888) says:

@Adam: Yes, the same thing!

Johnn Reynolds (sleepyjohn) says:


He glows a bit, if the lighting is right, but no sparkling!

Jon W. (kd7sov) says:

Nor do vampires, Johnn. Not sparkling in no way means one isn't a vampire.

What may, though, is that he's been in places that were probably sunny at the time. Even that isn't certain, though; there are plenty of vampires, including Dracula himself if I'm not mistaken, who can do that.

Josh Shepherd (bergerjacques) says:

A good night in the Quarter usually means waking up sparkling from the glitter you rolled in at... at.... hey where the hell did all the beads I collected go .... is that a car in my hotel room ... waitaminnit, this isn't my bed, this is Bourbon Street!

Joyce Melton (halfelven) says:

Well, he is a werewolf, too. Or he was for awhile.

N B (davecloneseven) says:

Sure, they sparkle.  Burning's a kind of sparkling, isn't it?

Shaenon Garrity (shaenongarrity) says:


Ahem. Thank you.
Diane Castle (deecee) says:

Can't remember any scruffy vampires?  You must not have watched Buffy the Vampire Slayer.  Plenty of one-shot (one-stake?) dustees were pretty grungy.  And I mean the television sseries.  The movie never happened,  It was a mass hallucination.

Buffy: "I've fought more than a couple pimply, overweight vamps that called themselves Lestat."

Edwin Quantrall (reynard) says:

@ Joyce Melton: Actually, he was; technically; a were-whatever-breed-of-dog-Sweetheart-is. But, eh; close enough for Government work...

E.T. the Eccentric Type (et_the_eccentric_type) says:

I've noticed a common trend for human characters to A. still be weird and B. sort of "go with the wacky".

I'm sorry if that completely shattered your perspective of the series.

Adam Underfoot (unnatural20) says:

...the series? Welcome to the world. Regular people are often weird. Regular people will often just roll with the wacky.

Someday I shall meet one of these regular peoples.

Ed Gedeon (eddurd) says:

(TUNE: "Let 'Em In", Paul McCartney)

Shouldn't've opened up the door,
Shouldn't've answered the bell ...
Since I opened up the door,
Life is crazy as hell!
Next time they knock, I'll
Close up the door ...
Keep 'em out!

One is searching for a stray,
One's got hold of my arm!
Someone help me get away,
Someone sound the alarm!
Close up the windows,
Seal up the door ...
Keep 'em out!

Getting shanghaied ... by undead!
Hope she doesn't ... eat my head!
Makes me want to ... run and shout,
"Nobody's home now!"
Keep 'em ou-ou-out!

I just wanna get away,
I'll just pack up and book ...
I won't wait another day,
I'll just move to Dubuque!
Nail down the windows,
Brick up the door ...
Keep 'em out!

Dieter M. (tangerine) says:

UNITY's expression in panel 3 is absolutely priceless!

Just Here (justhere4coffee) says:

I love the way Unity's having to explain to the animal that she's capable of caring for a human... "I'll take him for walks and feed (on) him and everything, can I keep him can I can I please huh huh?!"

Johnn Reynolds (sleepyjohn) says:

Go ahead, Doc.  Argue with the necrotic who's capale of force-feeding a Jeep to an alligator.  Oh, you're going peacefully?  Good thinking.

Rachel Blackman (rainpacket) says:

What I love is the qualifier "this time" in Unity's statement.  This implies a non-zero number of prior instances of Unity finding a 'new best friend' that did /not/ end well.  If I were Remy, I'd be concerned.  (More concerned than I'd already be what with the superzombie and the talking dog having shown up at my door looking for a living swamp, I mean.)

Sam Daniel (samhdaniel) says:

@Ed: Another terrific job. Do you ever sleep?

Andrew Kunz (ampersand888) says:

Next time on Murray Povich, Morticians and the Zombies who love them!

lincoln douglas (chumpchange) says:

Is that a new arm?

Ben N (mittfh) says:

It would be interesting to know Remy's thoughts immediately after Sweetheart's final comment... :)

Never mind not opening the door again, he's probably wondering if he'll live long enough to see the door again!

woozy (woozy) says:

Whoa!!  Shaenon and Jeff really should have put up a warning that this strip would contain such scenes of violence!  Children up at midnight could be reading.

Euel Ball (euel) says:

But that's coffee!  What is it with Sweetheart and the Nectar of Life?

E.T. the Eccentric Type (et_the_eccentric_type) says:

It's an in-joke, Remy. You'll understand later, maybe.

Adam (10-0-0-1) says: I love the expression on his face, it looks like he is currently in the middle of a massive internal debate on whether to ask or not.
Ed Gedeon (eddurd) says:

(TUNE: "Eve Of Destruction", P.F. Sloan)

We're southbound now, to ... New Orleans heading,
Where they serve shrimp with ... Cajun breading;
We search for Alphonse and Venus' wedding,
But a dozen drunk coeds ... Tip is bedding!
I'm so darn mad, my ... fur is shedding!

And I'm kicking cup after cup after cup of joe, you know
You ain't seen the worst!
I've got a thirst for destruction!

Dave Estep (cyaegha) says:

 Two cups this time. Is it going to be progressive, or geometric... that is the question.

Rob (rrreed) says: @Dave, Dave, Dave—you're thinking too small. Geometric? Try exponential!
Tiff Hudson (tiff_hudson) says:

Oooh. A double-tup!

Matthew Mather (madtinkerer) says:

Oh My Gosh. What if...

What if she goes and knocks over the doughnuts next!?! Someone stop her before she goes too far!

Johnn Reynolds (sleepyjohn) says:

Starbucks is going down!

Ralph Hartley (nyarlathotep) says:

Maybe it is because caffine is poisonous to dogs. Coffee smells even better to Sweetheart than it does to us, but she can't have any. That would make <b>me</b> rampage.


John Ames (commodorejohn) says: It's even more terrifying than before!
John Burke (johnnyb) says:

I love this freaking comic so much sometimes.

Jon McCormick (youko) says:

I love how angry she looks in the second and third panels. XD

Eric Burns (ericburns) says:

See, this was the problem with her being encouraged to rampage in the first place. It was all so simple, knocking over a coffee cup, being horrified as to what she had done, being threatened by bears, all the destruction that followed -- and of course she was going to send letters of apology and pay for the damages and all the rest....

...but it was fun, and it was desensitizing.

One day, Sweetheart is going to push an entire $2,000 business class espresso maker off a counter. In front of a cop. And by then, it will be too late.

Just Here (justhere4coffee) says: Think of the 'cinos. Won't somebody PLEASE think of the 'cinos!
Jon Stout (brasswatchman) says: Man, poor sweetheart. Unity's found a guy, tip has found all the ladies... the nearest potential mate for sweetheart is thousands of miles away and is afraid of baths. No wonder she's so ticked off.
Andrew Kunz (ampersand888) says:

Also, New Orleans just isn't a coffee-loving town. Now, if this was taking place in Seattle, then we might have a proper rampage.

Louis Richards (lummer5000) says:

I don't know.  Kicking over a cup of Chicory just isn't the same.

Terry Smith (wcfan) says:

Doesn't Unity mean a CANADIAN rampage?

James Reynolds (earlofdukes) says:

Fools!  Sweetheart just saved the others from drinking ...chicory!  Hail Sweetheart!  Such care for the others!

    You will also notice that Dr. Nut served Unity with doughnuts.  Keeping the begniets for yourself, eh?  This is going on your recrod, boyo.

Daniel Barkalow (iabervon) says:

James: The things on the plate were begniets. Begniets are what the locals call donuts. The Cafe du Monde started out with a sign that said "coffee & donuts" and a menu that had only coffee and begniets. They only say begniets to outsiders who might think there are other items called donuts.

Ed Gedeon (eddurd) says:

... Now I'll have to write a filk to the tune of Elton John's "Beignet And The Jets".

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The education bestowed on Shaenon K. Garrity by her parents had been expensive, athletic and prolonged. ... full profile