I like Ed's holiday-theme idea, so here's a filk of "O little town of Bethlehem"
Infectious sophont of terror and unliving life Otherwise known as Cypress, she was never Peyrehorade's wife Now Phoebe's bugging Skin Horse, she needs intelligence But can she deal with Unity, the revenant übermench?
(TUNE: "It's Beginning To Look A Lot Like Christmas", Meredith Willson)
She's a revenant who is grim and deadly, Ubermensch undead! She's as dangerous as can be, She once ate an SUV, (At least that's what the folks at Central said ...) But today, she is acting nice and cheery, Smiling bright as dawn! There's not even a trace of frown ... Now, no talking, keep it down When "iCarly"'s on!
There's a sophont of terror who's living out there (or At least that's what they say) Getting cookies and tea would, for Unity, be Just the high point of her day ... But kissing Remy on the nose Just blew that all away!
She's a revenant who is weird and wacky, What to make of that? She went out to the swamp and back, She gave a cute guy a smack, And look at this, she got a brand-new hat! She's a revenant who is patched together, Made of folks' remains ... If she finds out that I'm a spy, Then I'll have to say good-bye 'Cause she'll eat my brains ... 'Cause she'll eat ... my ... brains!
I'm curious if it actually is a Class A Threat to Humanity or not. I mean, technically, Unity probably also fits into that category, but they're not after her. What's so dangerous about the Swamp?
Tip's superpower strikes again! Even when she go in not wanting to do Tip, she ends up wanting to do Tip. That has to be worth at least a Class D Threat to Humanity.
Rob (rrreed) says:
Mind you, the "Class A Threat to Humanity" could be Gavotte.
You mean aside from a bazillion gators, a bazillion poisonous OTHER reptiles, a bazillion kinds of poisonous bugs and plants and the Deliverance Banjo Boy?
mnem
Oh... and don't forget the psychic residue of generations of faith so powerful it successfully combined Hatian-born Voodo with Catholicism...
And remember, isn't this in essence a flashback? Unity woke up in the swamp, right? We know it's dangerous, after all. Tho, admittedly, "how" it's dangerous is still a question.
A Threat to Humans, yes. A Threat to Humanity, I'm a little less certain about; it depends on just how "infectious" this thing is. I mean, if it's confined to the swamp, then that's not exactly safe even when it's not intelligent, and we're smart enough to keep out either way.
John Campbell (jcampbel) says:
I suspect "Central" is Anasigma Central. Remember, the guys who vaporized Dr. Lee's underwear drawer?
And you'd think they'd know better than to send hot women after Tip. It's like trying to defeat Aquaman with Summon Bigger Fish.
It's worth noting that I admit the possibility that the Swamp is very dangerous. I just think that we've seen little to no reason to regard it as being more dangerous to human life as a whole than, say, any other member of the cast.
That said, thinking about it, I do seem to recall some mentions of wish granting powers.
She had sex with her target, never saw the swamp, then packed up her surveillance equipment and left. Sounds like Skin Horse was successful and she wasn't to me. Pretty damn crack team.
(TUNE: "It's The Most Wonderful Time Of The Year", Eddie Pola and George Wyle)
No, I won't go see the Cypress, though near! It's got gators and fishes, And grants people's wishes (Though how is unclear ...) No, I won't go see the Cypress, though near!
I'll just pack up my electronic gear ... Yes, I'm cutting my losses And telling my bosses There's nothing to fear ... I'll just pack up my electronic gear ...
I won't go bayou wading; I'd best be evading Those crack agents out of D.C.! I'll check out of this lodge now, And get out of Dodge now Before something happens to me!
Though that cute bishonen guy was a dear ... 'Tween my boobs I could squish him And use them to wish him A Happy New Year ... For that cute bishonen guy, Who licked jam off of my thigh ... But I won't go see the Cypress, though near!
Oh, Ed! That was...words fail me. Well, except that I'm wondering HOW I'm supposed to explain the odd little smile to my family that I'll have when the CD player is going through the Christmas music.
I didn't think anyone could ruin Andy William's version of The Most Wonderful Time. (Well, other than Branson. I live near the area. It's like a redneck version of Dagobah.) Clearly, Ed is the master.
tune: The Hallelujah Chorus from The Messiah (George Frideric Handel, 1742) Anasigma! Anasigma! Anasigma! Anasigma! Anasigma! Anasigma! Anasigma! Anasigma! Anasigma! Anasigma! For Phoebe is a spy who was sent by Anasigma! Anasigma! Anasigma! Anasigma! For Phoebe is a spy who was sent by Anasigma! Anasigma! Anasigma! Anasigma! For Phoebe is a spy who was sent by Anasigma! Anasigma! For Phoebe is a spy who was sent by Anasigma! Anasigma! For Phoebe is a spy who was sent by Anasigma! Her longing to confess Is just lost on the ADOS The short attention span Of Unity! Of Unity! And she shall watch a dog-food commercial And she shall watch a dog-food commercial And she shall watch a dog-food commercial And she shall watch a dog-food commercial Unity (not listening, not listening, ADOS, ADOS) To poor Phoebe (sweat glistening, sweat glistening, save the drama for your mama) Unity (Doctor Lee made her gnarly, only cares about iCarly) And poor Phoebe (won't do Tip on this trip, she feels dirty 'stead of flirty) Unity (she's happy with Remy, sees no danger from this stranger) And poor Phoebe Unity ignores Phoebe Anasigma! Anasigma! Anasigma! Anasigma! Anasigma!
@Kay: very nicely done! The only nit I'd pick is that "Hallelujah" is from the later part of Messiah, which is about Easter instead of Christmas. Maybe you could do something for Unity along the lines of "For Unto Us a Child is Built."
(TUNE: "Santa Baby", Javits, Springer, & Ebb)
Anasigma, Secret-est of secret black ops, They're tops, They're not spies and not cops! Anasigma, They said to spy on Skin Horse today!
Anasigma, The project that resulted in you Fell through; Didn't know what to do, Anasigma, And so they sent you Skin Horse's way!
They sent me to plant this bug! There's another underneath the bathroom rug! Though I hate my task to shirk, I'm tired of doing their dirty work! (I'm such a jerk!)
Anasigma! I try to leave dra-ma-ti-cal-ly, But gee! You were watching TV! Anasigma, A rotten way of earning one's pay!
Ed: Perhaps so, but it's also an annual tradition for the chorus at Christmastime. Every year our local churches (13 of them) put on a concert where each choir contributes, and at the end we let our powers combine and belt that thing out.
Ed, as an atheist, I'm kind of like the Hallelujah Chorus: I show up to celebrate Christmas, whether or not I belong there. But I haven't spent all those years at sing-along Messiahs for nothing, so here's "For unto us a child is born"
I hate my job, I'm gonna quit I'm a spy, and I feel dirty Not the good Tip kind of dirty I should confess to Unity And exit dramatically But she's not paying attention To the bug that I just mentioned I don't believe this Skin Horse team Is like the briefing made them seem Doctor Lee exaggerated 'Bout the zombie she created Hate my job (hate my job) let's blow this pop-stand (blow this pop-stand ) But they pay me well to work for Anasigma And they're on my résumé, now that's a stigma Yes they pay me well to work for Anasigma And I would have to give up Benefits! Dental care! Accrued sick leave! My 401K's vested! Ah, hell, I'll stay
Ahhhh! Deecee, you should never recommend TV Tropes! Especially when AD is involved! I'll lose my whole--I mean, some people will lose their whole afternoon!
If this weren't Christmas week I could totally see a filk of Rocket Man here. And we've probably already used Rocket Man. (Seriously, are we running out of music to filk yet?)
@Andrew: Yes, in fact I used "Rocket Man" three times in the space of about six weeks. That was when I started keeping track of what songs I've used, and when. I still have a few dozen tunes in the "not used yet" file.
Remember the start of "A Charlie Brown Christmas", when the kids are all skating and singing? Here you go, then ...
(TUNE: "Christmastime Is Here", Vince Guaraldi)
Remy's time to work, Where the shadows lurk ... Mrs. May Can't stay today, And Remy just says "Erk?"
See the zombie rise, With her glassy eyes ... Creature will Just not stay still No matter how he tries!
Shuffling 'cross the floor, Like the ones before ... Down the hall, And through the wall; Why can't they use the door??
Hear her moans of pain, Hungers for a brain! Remy sighs And rolls his eyes, "Well, here we go again ..."
So the question is, does Remy's "again" refer to many of the dead getting up and stomping about, or just that Mrs. May keeps getting up and stomping about.
Now I expect to see the fox hat move and talk before the new year! And turning into a zombie fox hat DOES NOT COUNT!
We are going to see hot zombie versus zombie action. Then again, even though she's made up of other people's body parts, Unity's more alive than most breathing people...
We're screaming, 'cause we're night zombies ... Human does not know what to do! Now our eyes are glowing, Because we're going To make him a zombie too!
We're screaming, 'cause we're night zombies ... We'll play with our new human toy! Though we can't see Unity's joy, 'Cause she got a phone call from a boy!
Um, Unity, I think you'd better delve into that call just a little deeper. I realize you're in an unusually cheerful mood, but I believe your boy caller just might be needing some help!
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