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Smithson Thus Far... ·

Dave Van Domelen (dvandom) says: Even zombies fear paperwork!
Sam Ashley (evilmidnightlurker) says:

Do they have a procedure for determining whether or not a given entity is sapient enough to qualify for support services?  The old talk-and-build-a-fire ruling, perchance?

Mark SHANKS (drhistory) says:

Sam:  " they respond negatively to bureaucracy?"

Ed Gedeon (eddurd) says:

(TUNE: "Walk Like An Egyptian", The Bangles)

In New Orleans, the French Quarter,
The college girls have a drunken romp!
In the city morgue,
They're an-i-ma-ted by Cypress Swamp!

See Mrs. May, now run away!
She hunts for ce-re-bral tissue warm!
See the government,
They'll help if you file the proper form!

Tip and Sweetheart go down the street,
Lurch like an undead thing ...

Glenn Gorsuch (glenn) says:

Hey, does anyone know what forms I'd need to fill out to transfer from my County social services job to working at the Shadow-Feds?  I mean, it looks to me that their clients can be more responsive than mine...and I bet they have better benefits.

And Sam, Mark--trust me, sapience in whatever fom is NOT a requirement to get supportive services.  At all. 

Vlad Taltos (flyingfish) says:

I got The Zombie Survival Guide and World War Z for Christmas. Neither suggests paperwork is effective. Clearly Max Brooks needs to continue his research.

Andrew Kunz (ampersand888) says:

I dare someone to come up with a second verse to Ed's song.

Rob (rrreed) says: Project: Skin Horse needs to send its field agents to John Moschitta, Jr. for some speed talking lessons!

And does this demonstrate that Skin Horse field agents qualify as first responders? Tip is running towards the trouble in the third panel, after all.
Ysabet Just Ysabet (theysabet) says:

ampersand888:  Okay, I'm game.  Tough one, but I'll give it a try--

If you want to find all the cops
They're hanging out at Cafe du Monde
They eat beignets (GraaahAAAAHaaaa)
And chase pursesnatchers down the waterfront.

Admins lose pens, yell "Wait up!" and
Lurch after undead things...

Brian Petery (ugwump) says:

And does this demonstrate that Skin Horse field agents qualify as first responders? Tip is running towards the trouble in the third panel, after all.>>

I think Tip is trying to blend, or empathize, or whatever psychologists do to bond with their clients...

Adam (10-0-0-1) says: I know how sweetheart feels, it is so easy to forget that Tip could probably stand a good chance against Unity when he is pushed.
Kay Gilbert (kaygilbert) says:

While sitting in the park one day
I was gnawed upon by Mrs. May
So that zombie I did throw
With some nifty aikido
While Sweetheart watched me with dismay
Bom, bom

Eddddd theawsome (eddddd) says:

tip is a cross between james bond and a bond girl

M. Alan Thomas II (crazydreamer) says:

I'm not quite sure what Tip is doing in panel 3. Perhaps it's a gag, and I just can't see it in panel 4 because her (the zombie's) hands get in the way?

So It Begins (soitbegins) says: @edddd: You got it in one.
Ed Gedeon (eddurd) says:

(TUNE: "I'm In Love With A Wonderful Guy", Rodgers & Hammerstein)

Sweetheart's stunned that I'm beating zombies,
Barely even having to try!
She shows dismay when I'm acting this way,
An effective and competent guy!

I'm a smart psychological doctor,
I'm a strong decorated G.I.,
Men cute as me aren't expected to be
An effective and competent guy!

I'm as strong as an ox,
I can knock off your socks,
I can box like Ali!
Any girl I have chose,
I'll dispose of her clothes
When she goes home with me!

I will fight off monsters with one hand,
Then I'll step back and I'll ask myself why,
Ask why I should, when I'm looking this good,
Be a witty, and pretty,
And just a bit gritty,
Effective and competent guy!

Brian Petery (ugwump) says:

I don't think I could bite Tip, even if I were a zombie; he probably smells of talcum powder.

Tiff Hudson (tiff_hudson) says:

THAT punchline will make an AWESOME T-Shirt!

Johnn Reynolds (sleepyjohn) says:

When Tip sees the drool marks on his top, he'll feel better about thwacking the zombie.

Jon W. (kd7sov) says:

You've got it backward there, Tip. A person who is understands that they are competent doesn't (feel the) need to be pretty.

Dave Van Domelen (dvandom) says: M.Alan: tape dispenser. Strapping tape, most likely.
Ben N (mittfh) says:

@dvandom I was another one wondering what it was - now you mention it, it does look rather like a tape dispenser... although you'd think if it was for something moderately effective e.g. parcel tape or duck tape, it would be a little larger than drawn...

Sam Daniel (samhdaniel) says:

@Tiff: I agree about the T-shirt. Unfortunately, 99.9% of the male buyers wouldn't really be qualified to wear it....

Diane Castle (deecee) says:

@Brian: Talcum powder?  I'm guessing Tip uses White Shoulders.

Andrew Cole (andy4hire) says:

@tiff_hudson: Duly noted, and I agree. There's a thread about t-shirts in the forum (and a similar one in the Narbonic forum), where several of us keep posting great ideas that somehow never get made into t-shirts.

Terry Smith (wcfan) says:

Um - doesn't Tip have Zombieism now - or is he still imune after the werewolf thing?


Also - since when does he know Akido? (A great martial art, but with a steep and long learning curve)

E.T. the Eccentric Type (et_the_eccentric_type) says:

"You've revolutionized customer service."

It's also seriously why I'm afraid to go into a Best Buy.

Rob (rrreed) says: In other words…
  • "If we don't take care of the customer, maybe they'll stop bugging us."
  • "Because we're not satisfied until you're not satisfied."
  • "If we really cared for the customer we'd send them somewhere better."
  • "It takes months to find a customer, but only seconds to lose one… the good news is that we should run out of them in no time."
  • "View all customers as beautiful buds that must be cultivated, watered, and periodically buried under manure."
woozy (woozy) says:

You know, Tip and Sweetheart do have a loophole they are free to use.  They are supposed to make contact with non-human intelligences and they could claim the living dead are not non-human.  (And all pointers say they aren't really intelligent either.)

Oh, wait.  By accepting Unity they set a precedence, didn't they?  But Unity is composite human so... well, it's what I'd claim.

Dieter M. (tangerine) says:

Oh sure, when Tip does it, it's revolutionary,  When UNITY does it, it's a disaster.

Typical pro-living observational bias.

John Sears (john_sears) says:

Very well said, Dieter.

Dave Van Domelen (dvandom) says: Well, UNITY doesn't let them get away. That's the problem. They're still there, AND not doing paperwork.
So It Begins (soitbegins) says: Heh. Also, uh-oh.
Ed Gedeon (eddurd) says:

(TUNE: "Helen Wheels", Wings)

Said "Good day," now to Mrs. May,
She's a zombie and she's pretty darn strong!
Metal cuff wasn't tough enough
To help restrain her for very long!

New Orleans doesn't have the means
To control her, we've realized!
Sweetheart's nervous, now, 'cause customer service
We have re-vo-lu-tion-ized!

Hell on, hell on nails!
You don't know the work that a manicure entails!
Hell on, hell on nails!
And I wanna keep 'em pretty today ...

steve wallis (drsteve) says:

The undead flee bureaucracy

The reason's not profound

Among those who do paperwork

no brains are to be found!

John Ames (commodorejohn) says: If Tip can find a way to do that over the phone, he will be my hero.
Glenn Gorsuch (glenn) says:

Hey, Dr. Wilkin?  Butte County Social Services is hiring...

Rob (rrreed) says: @Dieter — of course the living have an observational bias against the undead; the numbers are on undead's side! If we let 'em begin to get uppity even onceWHAM!—it's George Romero documentary time.
Edwin Quantrall (reynard) says:

"You've revolutionized customer service."

Seems to me that *that* train left the station years ago...

Kay Gilbert (kaygilbert) says:

Okay, here's a thought-experiment filk.  Picture Tip and Phoebe entertaining each other (is that what the kids are calling it these days?) to the rhythms of "On Earth as it is in heaven," from Ennio Morricone's soundtrack for The Mission.  It's kinda perfect.  Here's the audio:

E.T. the Eccentric Type (et_the_eccentric_type) says:

Wow. This is a mundane fantastic sci-fi/fantasy kitchen sink, isn't it?

"Registered" zombie nests.

Ed Gedeon (eddurd) says:

@Kay: actually, I thought it would be more like the "William Tell Overture" scene from "A Clockwork Orange".  (Starts at about 2:17 into the clip.)


(TUNE: "Just What I Needed", The Cars)

Something here just isn't right,
As far as I can tell ...
Zombie creature of the night
Had a funny smell!

Zombie nests are registered,
But none around here, so we've heard ...
Something here just isn't right,
As far as I can tell!

Tip is saying, "Don't you fret,
This is my idea;
I'll go see that girl I met,
While you have a beer!"

Focused like a stag in rut!
("Sorry, now, the mission what?")
Tip is saying, "Don't you fret,
This is my idea...

    I'll go and entertain Phoebe!
    (Entertain Phoebe!)
    I've got someone to see ...
    I'll go and entertain Phoebe!"

So It Begins (soitbegins) says: And yet it all works somehow...
Ben N (mittfh) says:

Best laugh all week...

...although we should have predicted something similar, based on Phoebe and Unity's conversation earlier in the week...

Dave Van Domelen (dvandom) says: The day that Unity discovered that just because flesh is upon her lips doesn't mean it has to go down her throat.
Adam (10-0-0-1) says: why translate spam?
Colin Blairs (magesmith) says:

I'm having issues fitting 'spam, translated for your convenience' into my world-view.

So It Begins (soitbegins) says: WOOOOOOOO!!! XD I love it! (Poor Tip.)
David Harmon (mental_mouse) says:

Adam:  Presumably so we can mock it better, but I can't be bothered.

Ed Gedeon (eddurd) says:

(TUNE: "If It Makes You Happy", Sheryl Crow)

He went back, back to their room ...
Tip says that he be
Playing with Phoebe,
Leaving Sweetheart back in the park!
In the dark, the dark and gloom ...
Berries and champagne,
Kissing her a-gain,
Making smoochy noise in the dark!

Wait a sec, that tasted weird ...
Turned on the light, he saw what he feared!

He just kissed a zombie!
Hey, she's getting good ...
If he kissed a zombie,
Then that's why Tip has lost his wood!

Brian Petery (ugwump) says:

Perfect "Lucy Pulls The Ball Away" moment. Got the face just right and the yell is icing.

Ysabet Just Ysabet (theysabet) says:

BEAUTIFUL. OMG BEAUTIFUL.  (not so beautiful is the bilingual spam, but STILL, y'all. ^___^)

Rachel S. (masamage) says:


Dieter M. (tangerine) says:

Dave Van Domelen -


Goodnight everybody!

Kay Gilbert (kaygilbert) says:

tune: "Kiss on my list," Hall & Oates

I've discovered I'm a kissing machine, and I mean
I'll destroy you with my unstoppable lips 
Now I have my own special power to share, I'm aware
I should keep my bailiwick separate from Tip's

I never knew what it's like to be you
But now I see what fun it can be
If I don't bite, I sure do it right
I used to masticate, now I osculate

Because of Tip, of Tip
I'll watch my lips
Because of Tip, of Tip
I will resist
Because of Tip, I'll leave unkissed
All the ladies and dudes

Because of Tip, of Tip
I'll just kiss boys
Because of Tip, of Tip
With smacking noise
Because it's Tip I won't annoy
I don't want to be rude

Louis Richards (lummer5000) says:

Oh good.

For a minute yesterday, I was afraid that we had found out why Unity was scattered in pieces throughout Cypress.

Or don't you think that Tip could have done it?  In the throes of a horrible surprize?

Ed Gedeon (eddurd) says:

(TUNE: "La Isla Bonita", Madonna)

Locked lips, then Tip flips his lid now!
He let out a startled yell, but it's just as well ...
I understand why he did now;
Since kissing is Tip's forte, I will stay away!

Zombie girl that's built to kill,
Vi-o-lence is such a thrill!
Kissed a boy, but I am still
Engine of destruction!
And Tip let out a scream
Just like I knew he would!
The reason why is understood ...
Hey, crunchy glass is good!

Andrew Cole (andy4hire) says:

@kaygilbert: My compliments. Nicely done.

Kay Gilbert (kaygilbert) says:

@Andrew, Thanks much!

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The education bestowed on Shaenon K. Garrity by her parents had been expensive, athletic and prolonged. ... full profile