Shaenon K. Garrity's Comics   || Online Comics · RSS · Creator Profile · Join Mailing List ·
Smithson Thus Far... ·

Adam (10-0-0-1) says: And Sweetheart once again shows why I love her so.
Kay Gilbert (kaygilbert) says:

Wow, I guess Tip is not the omnisexual connoisseur that he fancies himself to be.  Look how freaked out he is about kissing Unity!

Andrew Kunz (ampersand888) says:


I need Brain Bleach, STAT!

So It Begins (soitbegins) says: For once, Tip is freak├ęd out. Interesting.
Matthew Mather (madtinkerer) says:

Actually, I can think of more than a few reasons why Tip would not want to kiss Unity:

1) She's a co-worker. Tip's superpowers are convenient when used on clients, informants, rivals, enemies, and random passers-by. However, to use any of them (other than the super-psychology) on co-workers would lead to... complicated... situations.

2) She's literally horrifically immature. I'm sure Tip has no problem bedding women who aren't as smart as him, but not women who aren't women yet. Unity may be grown up physically, but as a psychologist her mental age is probably what's squicking out Tip the most.

3) She's a canniballistic zombie. Duh.

Ed Gedeon (eddurd) says:

@SIB: if Tip is freakéd out, does that mean he's suffering "acute" anxiety?

(TUNE: "I Need To Know", Marc Anthony)

I told my leader, "Time for cooling down,
I'll go see Phoebe for some fooling 'round!"
I bought strawberries and I went upstairs,
And in our room, I got the worst of scares!

Tried to kiss a cute lady in the dark,
Problem was, her lips were like walnut bark!
Tasted like a Buick transmission clutch!
And when I found out, I found out too much!

Now I know too much!  I know too much!
Sweetheart, can't you see that I know too much!
I felt her touch!  Her skin and such!
Kissing Unity, now I know too much!

eric scoles (escoles) says:

i'm not sure quite how nuanced a presentation of the social work ethos you're going for, here, but it would be profoundly unethical for Tip to engage in a sexual relationship with Unity. like, literally, according to professional codes of ethics. 

(this would be a little inconsistent, though, since Tip did once allude to making a pass at Unity. I think the line was 'she misinterpreted what "getting physical" meant.')

Brian Petery (ugwump) says:

OK, I see the strawberries, but where's the champagne?  Did UNITY eat it all?  I'm sure Sweetheart would have helped care of the fizzy stuff inside.  I don't think Tip had any, he still seems too sharp.

OMG My brain amazes me sometimes: "At least he didn't have to chew his arm off to get away." Just don't mention that to UNITY.

Sam Daniel (samhdaniel) says:

@Shaenon & Jeffery: IMHO, you guys, along with the Foglios and Howard Tayler, are turning out the very best webcomics there are.

Is the original of this strip available for purchase?

Carl Fishman (carlfishman) says:

Re workplace ethics.  I'm not sure that is very important to Tip.  Given his past history with Dr. Lee and Marcie, for instance.

The pedophilia question may be a lot more relevent.  And the necrophilia question as well.

Ben N (mittfh) says:

@ugwump Unity probably drank at least some of the champagne after eating the bottle neck - if there was any left, I'd imagine Tip would have had a large glass or two in the absence of something stronger like brandy. After all, being kissed by a zombie (even a teenager with a bad case of ADOS) - *squick*

Dieter M. (tangerine) says:

What is funny is, Tip already -asked- UNITY if she wanted to "get physical".  Have no idea where it would be in the archives, but the end result was Tip needing some joints re-located.



Dieter M. (tangerine) says:

Further thought:  That apparently happened while Tip was new at Skin Horse.  Working with someone for a while creates a familiarity squick all on its own, like a kind of social incest.

Norman Thallheimer (normanrt) says:

I thought Sweetheart was a bitch full-time, not just when she's on a "rampage" ^_^

And I think Unity may be about to learn the difference between "mad" and "insane".

Aren't the quirks of the English language fun?

Kay Gilbert (kaygilbert) says:

Naw, that would be too easy.  Tune: "Bad to the bone," George Thorogood & the Destroyers

On the day I was born
Captain Bram set my fate
Knew I'd head up his pack
As we conquered the States
Then my wire mama fed me
'Cause I loved her alone
She could tell right away
I'm a bitch to the bone
Bitch to the bone
Bitch to the bone
Bitch to the bone

I'm Canadian fury
Battle-tested and mean
Though I'm precious and furry
I'm a killing machine
You're asking for a rampage
Like the world's never known
Brace yourself, Unity
I'm a bitch to the bone
Bitch to the bone
Bitch to the bone

Since we came to New Orleans
Everything's been a mess
Didn't serve any papers
On that swamp called Cypress
And you ate my damn cookies
So get ready to moan
I'm a bone-biting bitch
Bitch to the bone
Bitch to the bone

Ed Gedeon (eddurd) says:

(TUNE: "Ding Dong, The Witch Is Dead", Arlen & Harburg)

Bow-wow!  The bitch is back!
Which old bitch?  The barking bitch!
Bow-wow!  The barkin' bitch is back!

Patience starts to crack!
Unity, she ate my snack!
Bow-wow!  The barkin' bitch is back!

That's all I can stand today!
Okay, okay, okay!
I say, it's time to set things right,
And bite some buttock!

Bow-wow!  My furrowed brow
Shows it's time for anger now!
Boy, and how!  The barkin' bitch is back!

So It Begins (soitbegins) says: Well, she's mad about something now, but I doubt it is the papers.
Johnn Reynolds (sleepyjohn) says:

THere's gonna be Starbucks on the streets now!  Oh, the cappucino...

Jon Stout (brasswatchman) says: Again - poor Sweetheart.
Diane Castle (deecee) says:

But is she barking mad?

Kay Gilbert (kaygilbert) says:

@Diane: Or is she just snarking bad?
@Shaenon: Panel 4 is just the most adorable Sweetheart ever, and Unity's a pretty close second.

Edwin Quantrall (reynard) says:

@ Kay & Ed: Both of your filks are AWESOME™, but I only have one internet to award. I'll just leave it here and let you two fight over who gets it. *walks away as quickly as possible*

Kay Gilbert (kaygilbert) says:

@Edwin: Thanks, I'd be honored to share the internet with Ed.

Ysabet Just Ysabet (theysabet) says:

Oh well, an extra helping hand is always good to have around, I guess... (ba-dum ching!)

E.T. the Eccentric Type (et_the_eccentric_type) says:

Third panel: No question mark. She's that put out.

Andrew Kunz (ampersand888) says:

So, does she have an extra hand or is she missing one? I can't quite tell.

Just Here (justhere4coffee) says:

Remy gave her a spare earlier. Do pay attention, 007.

Ed Gedeon (eddurd) says:

(TUNE: "I Want To Hold Your Hand", The Beatles)

We're planning for our mission,
But here comes someone new!
Now Sweetheart's saying "Hold it,"
But now the hand holds you!

   But now the hand holds yo-o-o-o-o-ou,
   See how the hand holds you!

This hand whose name is Brian
Is loyal and true-blue!
To give help, he is tryin' ...
See how the hand holds you!

   See how the hand holds yo-o-o-o-o-ou,
   See how the hand holds you!

When Remy kissed her hand, he's showing
And U-ni-ty is happy knowing
There's a spare! There's a spare!  There's a spare!

We'll be so glad we had him,
And when our mission's through,
He'll work for Gomez Addams ...
For now, this hand holds you!

   For now, the hand holds yo-o-o-o-o-ou,
   Way down in Orleans, New ...
   See how the hand holds you-ou-ou-ou-ou-ou-ou!

So It Begins (soitbegins) says: Ugh! Spammers.

Also, all together now!:

"They're creepy and they're kooky
Mysterious and spooky
They're all together ooky,
The Addams Family!"
Brian Petery (ugwump) says:

Your own, personal ear scritcher?  Naw, dogs like people and this'd just be cheating yourself.

And Sweetheart strikes me as a dog who likes a good conversation.  And she hangs around UNITY.  No wonder she goes through so much coffee.

Adam Underfoot (unnatural20) says:

Well, ugwump, that and all the spilling.

Kay Gilbert (kaygilbert) says:

tune: Frosty, the Snowman (Walter Rollins & Steve Nelson, 1950)

Brian, the kiss hand
Gonna pat you on the head
He will pinch and flinch, then he'll crawl an inch
Pretty good for one who's dead!

Brian, the kiss hand
Remy gave him, got a buss
He's a spare to keep, cuddle in my sleep
He can even work with us

There must have been some magic in that houngan's bag of tricks
'Cause Brian's gonna scritch your ears
Later on, he'll pick your ticks

Brian, the kiss hand
My New Orleans souvenir
Even cooler than my new fox-fur cap
I'm so glad that we came here

Scritchity scritch scritch
Scritchity scritch scritch
Look at Brian go
Scritchity scritch scritch
Scritchity scritch scritch
Boy, do I love N.O.!

Jon Stout (brasswatchman) says: And the phrase "I'll never wash these hands again!" takes on a whole new meaning...
Brandon Gorley (bowtothebard) says:

And the Brian plushies will be available when?

Norman Thallheimer (normanrt) says:

Just how many zombies does it take to make a horde?  It's been too long since I played Heroes of Might & Magic...

E.T. the Eccentric Type (et_the_eccentric_type) says:

Two's company, three's a crowd, five or more is a horde.

Simple math.

Ed Gedeon (eddurd) says:

(TUNE: "Heartache Tonight", The Eagles)

Somebody's getting served today,
Before the trip is through!
We need to figure out our play,
And who can do voo-doo!

Our information's incomplete,
The pieces just don't fit!
There's zombies walking down the street,
And other crazy $#!t!

    It's giving me a headache today,
    Headache today, you see!
    It's giving me a headache today,
    Look yonder way!
    Zombies free?  Goodness me!

We've got a groom who's MIA,
A bride who can't recall!
Though something wicked comes this way,
My thumbs don't prick at all ...

Just watch as down the street they lurch,
Creatures from the grave!
They're heading for St. Louis' Church ...
Everybody wave!

    It's giving me a headache today,
    Headache today, you see!
    It's giving me a headache today,
    Don't shout "hooray",
    I can see, Unity!

    It's giving me a headache today,
    What can I say?
    Please go away
    Without delay!
    I got a headache today,
    Headache today, oh me!

Tiff Hudson (tiff_hudson) says:

How many zombie Mongols make a horde?

Paul Patine (khno) says:

Two: One plus a Khan.

Justin Kane (avatarjk137) says:

Heroes of Might and Magic rules state 50-99 is a Horde.

Yes, I remember all the sizes.  I am not embarrassed.

This guy I know (thisguy) says:

I made myself a reference card for that. And now I have the urge to try the game again. (Never was able to beat Lord Fayette--I blame it on the bug that resets your heroes in that campaign.)

E.T. the Eccentric Type (et_the_eccentric_type) says:

How can a hand process thought or even instinct?

I know; I know; MST3K mantra. But still.

Viktor Dosk (hugin) says:

Whatever fuels Unity also fuels the hand, and we have no indication that that force is centered in the brain. It could be spread to any part of the body, or all of them. 

D. Connolly (theogrin) says:

While it's perfectly characteristic of U.N.I.T.Y. to hand off responsibility to other agents, this apalming reticence to hold to proper procedures may be the last nail in her coffin, should she not knuckle down and wrist herself from her instincts.

Adam Underfoot (unnatural20) says:

Let's not point fingers, Connoly. You've got to ad-mitt, they're all guilty of thumbing their noses at procedure. I'm sure if you went through the index you'd find all sorts of a-paw-ling behavior. There wouldn't be any repercussions no matter how out-of-hand they get; Even if their administrators took of the gloves and started ruling with an iron fist, Team Skin Horse will get away with a mere slap on the wrist. Don't believe me? I've got the digits to prove it.

Ed Gedeon (eddurd) says:

(TUNE: "Up Where We Belong", Joe Cocker and Jennifer Warnes)

Now, Sweetheart's commanding us!
Me and Brian ... must not loose our head!
But luck, this chance is handing us,
As we're tryin' ... to join the undead!

The horde ... is strong ...
They are lurching down the street ...
I must fall in step with the beat ...

Don't look at me; talk to the hand!
Oh, what have I done?
What an awful pun!

Don't look at me; talk to the hand!
Gee, I'm sorry, guys!
I apologize!

Jon Stout (brasswatchman) says: Man, Sweetheart looks like she's been kicked. That girl does not know how to take a pun well.
Ysabet Just Ysabet (theysabet) says:

I suspect Brian's about to give the rest of the team the finger.

Josh Shepherd (bergerjacques) says:

Most of the punchlines are good. This one was great.

Rachel Blackman (rainpacket) says:

Meddling with nature, dealing with trenchcoat-wearing pandas or hordes of zombies or living forests, bringing about the potential destruction of the world (or at least a significant subset of Topeka)... those are all in a day's work.  But as Unity has just demonstrated, some lines are simply not meant to be crossed.

Ruben Krasnopolsky (ruben) says:

"It's that zombie swarming instinct..."  According to Heroes of Might and Magic sheets, numbers are increasing --- a horde of zombies is 50-99 of them, but a swarm is 250-499 critters.  If things keep going this way, soon we may see a Legion of Mutant Zombies on the lurch...


Kay Gilbert (kaygilbert) says:

In The Number of the Beast, Robert Heinlein gave us Deety, a young woman whose nipples telegraph her moods: they're perky when she's happy, droopy when she's sad, etc.  (I imagine they're discussing that at Arisia 2011's "Heinlein in the Bedroom").  At any rate, it looks like Unity's pigtails serve somewhat the same function.  (Not unlike Sweetheart's ears, too.)

Unity and Brian are perfect together.  I hope he sticks around to be her good right hand.
tune: Light in your eyes, Cheryl Crow

Something is happening
Zombies are swarming, the horror begins yeah
Time to start lurching
I know we're working but is it such a sin?
Brian wants to give in

You gotta talk to hand he gave me
Talk to the hand that understands
Talk to the hand he gave me
Wanna swarm with the horde
Wanna swarm with the horde

Brian Petery (ugwump) says:

It is said that puns are the lowest form of wit.

It is also said that wit is the highest form of humor.

It is further said: "Go figure."

Steve J (stevej) says:

This reminds me of the old Tom Lerher song "I Hold Your Hand in Mine".

Tom Powell (top1950) says:

Oh, today's strip is just SOOO cute!

Just Here (justhere4coffee) says:

California has zombies? They never mention *that* in their tourism adverts!

Michael Brewer (wusemajor) says:

Why do you think they have so many plastic surgeons?

Adam Underfoot (unnatural20) says:

Thriller was filmed on-location, and with only minimal makeup, in Sonoma County.

So It Begins (soitbegins) says: Heh.
Rob (rrreed) says: Well, with the vampires on Ventura Boulevard, it's hardly surprising that California has zombies. They threatened to unionize a few years ago if George Romero didn't start portraying them in a more sympathetic light. Pity they didn't notice the growing popularity of the Walking Dead comic book graphic novel, though; they're right back at square one again.
Johnn Reynolds (sleepyjohn) says:

They tend to cluster around Sacramento.  It explains why there are so few brains running the state.

Ed Gedeon (eddurd) says:

(TUNE: "California, Here I come", Buddy DeSylva and Joseph Meyer)

California zombies rule!
East coast zombies, so old school!
The west ones
Are best ones,
Lurching along!
Hear moaning
And groaning,
Join our monotonic song!

Lounging 'round the hotel pool,
We don't tan, but still look cool!
Do you love me, surfer ghoul?
California zombies rule!

Brian Petery (ugwump) says:

I'm thinking of Meryl Streep & Goldie Hawn in the movie Death Becomes Her. (It's got Bruce Willis too, but he's not a zombie.) Come to think of it, there's a "horde" in it too.

Dark Comedy, like Dark Chocolate, is not to everyone's taste.

Woof Arf (woofnarf) says:

California has zombies?

Why can't we have zombies?

Why does California get all the good stuff?

Andrew Willett (awillett) says:

Tangentially: If you wanna read an EXCELLENT book about the native zombie population of California (Zombi diego), I cannot recommend Stephan Zielinski's Bad Magic highly enough.

Ysabet Just Ysabet (theysabet) says:

Well... guess that explains why Tucson's zombie population's dropped so much in recent years; they've emigrated west.  Mixed blessing at best, 'cause it didn't do a THING for our werewolf problem.  Oh well.

Ysabet Just Ysabet (theysabet) says:

Also, Sweetheart?  New Orleans isn't East Coast, it's Gulf Coast. >_>... Very important designation if you're from that area, believe me.

Add a Comment:
Log In or Register to post a comment! It's free!

Tooncast this comic on your own website by copying and pasting this code snippet:
<script language="javascript" src=""></script>
Shaenon Garrity ||    Forum ·  External Homepage ·  Blog · 

The education bestowed on Shaenon K. Garrity by her parents had been expensive, athletic and prolonged. ... full profile