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Smithson Thus Far... ·

Sam Ashley (evilmidnightlurker) says:

Ah, yellow musk zombies.  That takes me back...

Ed Gedeon (eddurd) says:

(TUNE: "Little Deuce Coupe", The Beach Boys)

We got these goggles to protect our eyes,
'Cause it should come to you as no surprise
That these weird creatures, only partly dead,
Tend to let out a gusher when you slice their head!
It's the zombie juice goop!
That's in fact what it's called!

It's the zombie juice goop from a re-ve-nant!
They're animated by this creepy plant!
It's some type o' sporiform in-fil-trate,
And it's both less filling and it's tasting great!
It's the zombie juice goop!
That's in fact what it's called!

   They're just a mindless horde with no will o' their own,
   And they're lurchin' down the street with a typical moan!
   And one more feature that is shared by all,
   They just keep staring with the glow-ing eyeballs!

But one thing Unity just doesn't get,
The morgue's got its own rules of etiquette ...
I hate to mention, 'cause it's kind of a drag,
But you're not supposed to ask for a doggie bag!
It's the zombie juice goop!
That's in fact what it's called!

Mad Andy (andrew_c) says: Unity in fox hat and goggles dissecting zombies. Can this get any better? Tune in same time, same place tomorrow and find out!
John Breckenridge (jbrecken) says:

The goggles - they do something!

vicka corey (drbrain) says:

ha, and here half the reason i did tigerlily instead of unity was so i could wear groovy goggles!!  if only i'd known... B)

Ysabet Just Ysabet (theysabet) says:

The plot thickens. Or should that be 'congeals'?

Ben N (mittfh) says:

Ooh fun - the zombies are actually infected by swamp matter. What is Cypress up to? No wonder her ex is trying to divorce her! (That is, assuming you can assign a gender-specific pronoun to a sentient collection of swamp vegetation)

Rob (rrreed) says: So this is becoming less Night of the Living Dead and more Invasion of the Body Snatchers. Though those having their bodies snatched apparently aren't in a condition to complain about it.
Dieter M. (tangerine) says:

I had a feeling that after the Dramatic Opening there'd be goggles.



Andrew Kunz (ampersand888) says:

I think Cypress figures the sportiform need ideal dead bodies to make her perfect blend of Lady Grey Tea. Yes, I'm suggesting the plants are tea plants.

Viktor Dosk (hugin) says:

Is Unity supposed to have a southern accent? Because now, in my head, she does.

Adam Underfoot (unnatural20) says:

Morphological resonance from the hat. Anyone wearing a hat made of the skin and fur of something they killed themself will occasionally change the way they speak.

M. Alan Thomas II (crazydreamer) says:


Also, what do we give out in lieu of Moxana points to the person who kept insisting that the fox still be "alive"? Because that's more "undead Cassandra points" as I see it.

So It Begins (soitbegins) says: Oh dear.
Johnn Reynolds (sleepyjohn) says:

Visualizing all those Davy Crockett hats from the Fifties, eating the brains of all those little TV show fans.  It would have been awesome.

Ed Gedeon (eddurd) says:

(TUNE: "Cocaine", Eric Clapton)

Remy's talking to me!
So I will listen as he
Explains ...
That the spores from the trees
Are used to animate these
Look at that!  Now my hat lunges at ...
My brains!

Now the guy with the tees
(With number 9 like Drew Brees)
Maintains ...
These things do what they do
Because of vines running through
Their veins!
I say no!  Mal chapeau!  Do not go ...
For brains!

Brian Petery (ugwump) says:

Unity better be careful, the nearest eatin' brains are less than an arm-length away.

David Harmon (mental_mouse) says:

Notice that the hat heard Remy... and responded by going for the chomp!  Considering her experience with the werewolf virus, I doubt Unity has too much to worry about.

Dave Van Domelen (dvandom) says: Or the dead people juices woke the hat up. gnar!
vicka corey (drbrain) says:

aww, it's just a "tooth noogie" :)

Josh Shepherd (bergerjacques) says:

Maybe not the whole package, but there's probably some appalachian pieces parts in Unity's DNA. People will sell anything for meth.

Ysabet Just Ysabet (theysabet) says:

I find myself somewhat in sympathy with the hat. I mean, I don't want Unity's brains gnarred off or anything, but going peacibly through your life only to end up as a foliage-posessed chapeau isn't very nice.  I'd want to bite me some brains too.

Ysabet Just Ysabet (theysabet) says:

Also:  those wouldn't be beans growing out of that head, would they? And if they are, would that make 'em "human beans?"  **ba-dum CHING!**

Andrew Kunz (ampersand888) says:

I think you should stop punning now, Ysabet. Before you kill someone.

Glenn Gorsuch (glenn) says:

Bringing new meaning to "Trying to bite off more than you can chew..."

You know, depending on the shape the teeth are in, and the strength of the jaw involved, that nom-ing could make for a very nice scalp massage...

Andrew Cole (andy4hire) says:

@ampersand888: Now, now. Puns don't kill people. People with puns kill people.

(Or should that read, "People kill people with puns"...?)

Rachel Blackman (rainpacket) says:

If the dead people juices woke up the hat and caused it to nom on Unity's head, would that make the juices a 'tooth serum?'

*ducks and runs*

Rob (rrreed) says: @David—VitaRay-irradiated, yottacoulomb-activated, non-blood classified SPAM™ is proof against any and all micro- and macroscopic infestations!
Diane Castle (deecee) says:

If it's a bad plan when you lose your hat, just how horrible a plan is it when the hat loses you?

Brandon Gorley (bowtothebard) says:

I gotta say, you all have incredible willpower to resist the Yakov Smirnoff jokes.

Edwin Quantrall (reynard) says:

@ sleepyjohn: Chew on this! (Before it chews on you...)


To the tune of "The Ballad of Davy Crockett" by G. Bruns and T.W. Blackburn.


Born in a fetid swamp near New Orleans,

The cutest little fox you ever did see!

Made into a hat by UNITY, 

But the next thing you hear is "It's nom-in' me!"



Zombie fox hat!

Remy should cow'r in fear!


The undead were wanderin' about the town,

My best advice is to keep your head down!

Unless you've got dead fox perched upon your crown,

Then I would suggest that you hit the ground!



Zombie fox hat!

I think The End is Near!


The corpses have absorbed some type of Evil spore.

We think that it's the Cypress but we can't be sure.

They might have tasted brains because they want some more!

I think that today we'll be seein' some gore!



Zombie fox hat!

Just bit me on the ear!


Oh the pain is excruciatin'; yes, indeed!

A trip to the clinic is just what I need!

But now I've got a mindless urge to feed!

Gonna eat your brains and watch you bleed!



Zombie fox hat!


Rachel Blackman (rainpacket) says:

Reynard, you win an internet.

John Campbell (jcampbel) says:

Unity has no choice but to follow her hat! Losing it would be a bad plan.

D. Connolly (theogrin) says:

In the wrong crowd, a pun like that would be a major fox paws.

Grant McCormick (grantcmccormick) says:

In panel two, Unity is certainly one mad hatter.

Edwin Quantrall (reynard) says:

She capped a fox, but can she out-fox her cap?

Ben N (mittfh) says:

@theogrin As if the pun in the cartoon wasn't bad enough... :)

Steven Ehrbar (see) says:


I ddin't notice the pun until the strip called it out.

Matthew Mather (madtinkerer) says:

@Steven Ehrbar: A particular puzzle in The Secret of Monkey Island relies on an "ahead" pun for the solution. If you've had to figure it out yourself, you'll never, ever miss an "ahead" pun again.

I've heard there are even worse ones in the King's Quest series and Douglas Addams' text adventures.

Ed Gedeon (eddurd) says:

(TUNE: "Alberta Bound", Gordon Lightfoot)

We went down to the bayou,
Just so we could say, "Hi, you
Deadbeat daddy!" to a panda that was red ...
But when he tried to give us crap,
I made myself a coonskin cap!
But now the gosh-darn thing just won't stay dead!
That sporo-something infiltrate,
My hat it did re-animate!
It jumped onto the countertop and fled!
And now I'm off and running
And we'll all commence the punning,
And it's all because my hat went on ahead!

   Went on ahead ... went on ahead!
   That doggone hat ... went on ahead!
   Went on ahead ... went on ahead!
   That's what I said!  Went on ahead!

It's a fashion that is sure to please,
I'm glad because it had no fleas;
But now I see it's fleeing me instead!
This crazy thing is full of fail!
It's beating feet and turning tail!
I see that fur, and man, I'm seeing red!
It's so fast, it's hard to stop it!
It's the best, it's hard to top it!
It's the cheapest, 'cause it has no overhead!
Sorry, Brian made me say it,
And now Remy feels dismay, it's
All because that stupid hat went on ahead!
   (repeat CHORUS)

Seven Deer (sevendeer) says:

There was a young filker named Ed,
Who had ten million songs in his head.
Bending lyric and rhythm
Through Skin Horse’s prism,
His colorful posts resonay-ted.

Johnn Reynolds (sleepyjohn) says:

Brian is the Pun Messiah!  We must follow him!

Ysabet Just Ysabet (theysabet) says:

ANY plan where you lose your hat is a bad plan, oyez.

Diane Castle (deecee) says:

I'm so glad I got the obligatory Girl Genius joke in yesterday.

Rob (rrreed) says: Got to hand it to Brian, it nose its puns.
Edwin Quantrall (reynard) says:

I can't believe I didn't think of this one last night: "Don't like the puns, Remy? Talk to the hand!"

Brandon Gorley (bowtothebard) says:

"I swear, Brian made me do it! Hand to God!"

Ysabet Just Ysabet (theysabet) says:

To deecee: there's always room for another Girl Genius joke.

Eddddd theawsome (eddddd) says:

anyone noticed that unities hands are both male? (brian and ramone)

does she have female parts, maybe? or does she just name them randomly?

Norman Thallheimer (normanrt) says:

Odd, that's not quite how I remember that panel.  But it must be accurate, since all fuzzy puppies are scritchy addicts, aren't they?

M. Alan Thomas II (crazydreamer) says:

I'm fairly sure that we've estableshed at least one or two "female parts," Eddddd. Given their unavailablility on males, you know?

Paul Lenoue (palenoue) says:

Does this mean other parts of her body are detachable and autonomous?  Ooooo, that could mean bad things for the cypress who tore her apart.

Ben N (mittfh) says:

@eddddd Surely Unity has *three* hands - the two attached to her arms plus Brian.

Note that (typically) although Unity's mobile phone is probably now turned on, she's not in possession of it. Cue more hilarity as a result... :)

Pete Bleackley (petethemadscientist) says:

I have a nasty feeling that Unity's various body parts might be named after their original owners.

Ed Gedeon (eddurd) says:

This is what happens when I watch my son play Guitar Hero ...
(TUNE: "Radio Song", Superbus)

Chasing after my hat!
Remy's telling me that
I should thing before I run!
Well okay, but that's no fun!
All my neurons firing,
This is kinda tiring,
Sweetheart said turn on the phone,
Somthing 'bout a chewy bone?

   Recall, reca-all,
   Turn my mobile phone on, my mobile phone on!
   That's all, that's a-all
   'Cause my memory's gone, my memory's gone!

Running like a mad man,
Lost my hat, a bad plan!
Zombie hat went on ahead!
(Beat this joke until it's dead!)
Left my phone and car keys
"Can you turn this on, please?"
Remy doesn't understand;
Brian's giving him a hand ...
    (repeat CHORUS)
    (repeat it again and again and arrrghhh...)

E.T. the Eccentric Type (et_the_eccentric_type) says:

REMY: Unity, why are you always thinking with your stomach?

UNITY: It's where brains go after I eat them!

(random stuff that goes through my head)

(and then Unity's stomach)

Kay Gilbert (kaygilbert) says:

Panel two made me laugh 'til I hurt.  Way win!

tune: "Rubber duckie," Jeff Moss, Sesame Street

Fuzzy puppy has an itch
Brian knows just where to scritch
Fuzzy puppy is awfully proud of me
(woh woh, bee doh)

I turned on my phone for her
My best pal, a ball of fur
Fuzzy puppy I'm working hard, you see
(doo doo doo doooo doo doo)

Although Remy said
Think before you go chasing
I killed that fox to make a hat
That I won't be replacing
(Ain't I amazing?)

Fuzzy puppy, soft and cute
You'd approve of my pursuit
Fuzzy puppy, I'll get the job done, you'll see
(doo doo bee doo)

Ysabet Just Ysabet (theysabet) says:

Eddddd: I tend to name random objects that I take home (like the new iron I bought yesterday) 'Fred', and *I'm* female, so maybe it's a girl thing. Dunno.  My car's name is 'Lief', so maybe that's it.

John Ames (commodorejohn) says: I could go for a whole spinoff strip in Unity-Vision, myself.
jay norem (bluediamond) says:

Unity discovering and exploring her sexuality is an idea that absolutely fascinates me, so much potential there. 

Please, please go there. 

E.T. the Eccentric Type (et_the_eccentric_type) says:

Wait. Is it growling? How can a fur hat growl while baring teeth and stuff?


Euel Ball (euel) says:

With -two- different types of zombies, a talking dog, a disembodied brain controlling a Osprey aircraft, and a cross-dressing, Ex-Army babe magnet/psychologist, this weirds you out?  In this web-comic, they eat stranger things than growling, undead attack hats for breakfast...

Nick Lardas (voyager) says:

ZBut I think this is the first one that is meant to be worn on your head.

So It Begins (soitbegins) says: [snerk]
Ed Gedeon (eddurd) says:

(TUNE: "I Like It Like That", Chris Kenner & Allen Toussaint)

Let's go!
Let's go to the Cypress where it's at!
You know!
You know she can swat you like a gnat!
They'll show!
They'll show, from the noise and action that ...
The theme of the scene is "Attack of the Hat"!

    Into the bayou, all alone!
    She asked Remy, "Turn on my phone!"
    Now he and Bruce got left behind ...
    But down in the Cypress, what'll she find?

Let's go!
Let's go to the Cypress where it's at!
Oh no!
Oh no, zombie creatures it begat!
They grow!
They grow from the vines and not a vat!
The theme of the scene is "Attack of the Hat"!

    Now down in the swampland, Unity
    Is gonna achieve entelechy!
    It's one for the money, two for the show,
    All right, let's do this, go girl go!

Let's go!
Let's go to the Cypress where it's at!
One blow!
One blow from her fist will pound it flat!
You know!
You know that the time is past for chat!
The theme of the scene is "Attack of the Hat"!

Adam (10-0-0-1) says: Finally a PSA I can get behind.
Johnn Reynolds (sleepyjohn) says:

But what if you're already dead?

Jon W. (kd7sov) says:

It may kill again. You never know.

E.T. the Eccentric Type (et_the_eccentric_type) says:

@Euel Ball: Homeostasis. My reaction toward weirdness regarding the comic have adapted to its background level.

However, even the dulled weirdar cannot comprehend how a gestalt entity controlling a hat can make it grow teeth.

Rob (rrreed) says: Eny plan vere yur het bites hu in teh noggin iz not a gut plan!
Andrew Kunz (ampersand888) says: many cups of sake and tempura shrimp were partaken before Jeffery had the bright idea, "I know! We'll have Unity fight a undead fox coonskin cap!"

Shaenon Garrity (shaenongarrity) says:

Andrew: I wonder that with each fresh week of scripts.
Kay Gilbert (kaygilbert) says:

@Ed: A swinging song and a rhyme for entelechy?  Double win!!  Actually, I think Unity has already achieved entelechy, and now it's the hat's turn.  Karma's a bitch.

Kay Gilbert (kaygilbert) says:

@Andrew: I think Woozy put him up to this.

John Breckenridge (jbrecken) says:

Do you know any Foxhat, Ed?

Brian Petery (ugwump) says:

@E.T. the Eccentric Type

'Cause Unity made it.

Adam Underfoot (unnatural20) says:

@ET If you're wondering how it growls and bares its teeth as sharp as tacks,

Just remember "It's a webcomic, I should really just relax"

Shaenon Garrity (shaenongarrity) says:

John: I... I think I love you.
Debbie Clandening (bygollydaily) says:

I love how you've done the forest in the background.


E.T. the Eccentric Type (et_the_eccentric_type) says:

Fun-fact! Brains are ridiculously high in cholesterol, so, as a corpse-turned-bacterial-distributed-intelligence-colony, the zombie in question would be able to obtain more biochemical energy without useless lipidous buildups from other body parts.

Brains were originally chosen as zombie food by primitive cultures who believed that the brain was life itself (rationale being that, without a brains, people died).

Same goes for vampires and blood, really.

Ben N (mittfh) says:

Of course, the appropriate soundtrack for this (and probably next week) has to be Jonathan Coulton's "Re: Your Brains":

So It Begins (soitbegins) says: [sigh]
Adam Underfoot (unnatural20) says:

ET, a common interpretation these days is that zombies directly regenerate the type of tissue they consume. Muscle regenerates muscle, bone regenerates bone. As neural tissue degrades the fastest, there is therefore a constant need for the same.

Thus, braaains.

Sean Duggan (duggansc) says: @E.T. Actually, I'm pretty sure that zombies wanting brains dates back to the incredibly ancient source material of Return of the Living Dead, where they decided on it involving neurochemicals that stemmed the pain of being stuck inside of a necrotizing body. Prior to Romero, Zombies either ate normal food, ate something exotic and mystical (blood or honey were common cases), or didn't eat at all.
Ed Gedeon (eddurd) says:

(TUNE: "The Rain In Spain", Lerner & Loewe)

This zombie train is plain insane for brains!
(That's all they're wanting!  That's all they're wanting!)
This zombie train is plain insane for brains!
(The swamp they're haunting!  The swamp they're haunting!)

Inflicting pain, when draining brains?
Inhumane!  Inhumane!
What spell enchants remains?
Arcane!  Arcane!

This zombie train is plain insane for brains!
Then they'll attain some "Gain" to cleanse the stains!

John Campbell (jcampbel) says:

This being New Orleans, Re: Vos Cerveaux would also be appropriate.

Johnn Reynolds (sleepyjohn) says:

"Aristotle was famous for knowing everything.   He taught that the brain exists merely to coll the blood, and is not involved in the process of thinking.  This is true only of certain people."  -Will Cuppy, I think

David Harmon (mental_mouse) says:

And, of course, the question is begged:  Where are they going?  Does the Cypress have competition?

E.T. the Eccentric Type (et_the_eccentric_type) says:

@Adam Underfoot: Huh. That's interesting. Wonder how that works with a nonfunctional digestive system.

@Sean Duggan: Oh. I honestly didn't know that. Thank you.

Andrew Cole (andy4hire) says:

If any of you ever pay a visit to the Monroeville Mall in Monroeville, Pennsylvania, just east of Pittsburgh--the mall where Dawn of the Dead was filmed--there's a store on the lower level called Time and Space Toys. Toward the rear of the store is a free (but donations accepted) museum of movie zombies. One wall of the museum features a chronology of posters for zombie movies, each with a caption explaining the significance of that movie for the development of the movie zombie. It's been a few months since last time I was in there, but I *think* the museum credited Return of the Living Dead with introducing the hunger specifically for brains, which would support duggansc's claim above.

Shaenon Garrity (shaenongarrity) says:

Growing up with an extended family in Pittsburgh, I spent a lot of time at the Monroeville Mall (this Santa photo was probably taken there), and thus freaked the hell out when I saw Dawn of the Dead years later. My parents knew some of the zombies in Night of the Living Dead, since the filmmakers recruited extras from nearby Penn State.

Return of the Living Dead was the first, and possibly the only, movie where zombies actually say, "Braaains." This does not stop it from always being awesome.

I know way too much about this stuff for someone who doesn't even especially like zombies. Actually I like traditional voodoo zombies the best.
Adam Underfoot (unnatural20) says:

Traditional voodoo zombies are great. Feed 'em salt and bam.

Dave Corbett (mr_dave) says:

E.T. the Eccentric Type (et_the_eccentric_type) says: 

@Adam Underfoot: Huh. That's interesting. Wonder how that works with a nonfunctional digestive system.

I seem to recall that Greatly Exaggerated: The Transthanatology Today Guide to Easy Reanimation of the Dead specifically warns against allowing your zombie to eat brains (or anything else) since its nonfunctional digestive tract means you end up with a zombie full of rotting brains...

Brian Petery (ugwump) says:

I'm wondering if Unity will feel sad and lonely when she realizes she's not like the normal zombies.

Sam Ashley (evilmidnightlurker) says:

@Adam Underfoot: I'm pretty sure that's only the case in Sluggy Freelance.

Sean Duggan (duggansc) says: Oh, and incidentally, the store and its museum is closing forever on Monday. Found it out last time I went to the mall.
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The education bestowed on Shaenon K. Garrity by her parents had been expensive, athletic and prolonged. ... full profile