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Smithson Thus Far... ·

Kay Gilbert (kaygilbert) says:

tune: "We kissed in a shadow," Richard Rogers and Oscar Hammerstein III (The King and I, 1951)

I tongue a liana
I fondle some bark
I hug a swamp creature, squishy and dark

I came back as Alphonse
To stop my ex-wife
But I'm less upset since I lost my life

Our marriage was doomed by
Her departed state
Still, I have no wish now to hate

So I kiss her vines now
And bid her adieu
I leave here in peace: I'm aware
I've thwarted her zombie nightmare

Sam Ashley (evilmidnightlurker) says:

...Unity.  Pile of corpses.  Unmonitored.

Oh god.  Let's hope she didn't pack her sewing kit. :)

Rob (rrreed) says: Sewing kit, schmoeing kit; all Unity needs is some stringy vine fibers and a couple of decently strong wood splinters to use as needles. I'm more concerned about how far she can stretch her remaining unknown classified non-blood substance (SPAM®! :: THWAP ::) supply, how fast she can replenish it, and what raw materials she needs to replenish it.

Hmmm…her vitaray-irradiated, yottacoulomb-activated, auto self-regenerated, non-blood classified SPAM®!
Ed Gedeon (eddurd) says:

(TUNE: "Rosanna", Toto)

All that Venus wanted was someone she could hold with her
Liana, liana ...
She never thought that an undead swamp could scare a guy away,
Liana ...

Now for just a moment, her lover she'll enfold with her
Liana, liana ...
It's hard to kiss with no lips, but she's gonna try it anyway ...

Over five years since her love was hung ...
Liana, yeah!
Though her tears, still, to hope she's clung!
Let's pretend we're young ... let's pretend we're young!
Liana, yeah!
Use a little tongue ... use a little tongue!
Liana, yeah!

Dieter M. (tangerine) says:

That's hot, disturbing, and disturbingly hot, all at once.

Mark SHANKS (drhistory) says:

That's stylin'!  Mustachio would be so proud.

Andrew Kunz (ampersand888) says:

That's the kind of rum that would be glowing in Questionable Content, and reknit the undead. Between the rum, the glowing whiskey (Questionable Content) and the Christian Brothers (Achewood), we've got the trivumeriate of webcomic fine liquor.

So It Begins (soitbegins) says: See? Show choir.
Ed Gedeon (eddurd) says:

(TUNE: "Putting On The Ritz", Irving Berlin)

When a swamp
You must divorce,
Then with much pomp,
We help, of course,
And trust our lucks ...
Zombie in a tux!

In New Orleans
Serving papers
By all means,
See how she capers,
Struts, and bucks!
Zombie in a tux!

She arrives by aircraft, and not a sailboat ...
Looks alive in top hat and spats and tail coat!
Readers, they'll note!

Now with rum
And cane in hand,
See this girl come!
She can command
Such style deluxe!
Zombie in a tux!

P. Ipsum (vitupera) says:

Lovely outfit!  But I'm rather more convinced there's a third hand in the back, than that she stashed the papers, then brandished the rum.

joe dreyfuss (jdreyfuss) says:

baron samedi?

Sor Cyress (sorcyress) says:

Want want want want want want want *want!* 

I am going to put together a cosplay of this if it kills me. And revives me. Hey, then I'd have the zombie part down!

Johnn Reynolds (sleepyjohn) says:

That's the problem with zombie parts.  They don't stay down.


Josh Shepherd (bergerjacques) says:

You see how the handle of the cane and the end of the dialogue balloon form a kind of fish hook? Well, this reader is dangling and flailing at the end of it. happened to Unity?

John Ames (commodorejohn) says: Rowr.
Josh Shepherd (bergerjacques) says:

Waitaminnit. Oh GROSS! Unity! Alphonse has been decaying in those clothes.

Joyce Melton (halfelven) says:

That's ALPHONSE she's wearing, not just his clothes. Notice that both hands are black?

Sam Daniel (samhdaniel) says:

Panel 4 and "Puttin' on the Ritz" will always bring back fond memories of "Young Frankenstein" for me....

Nice job, as usual, Ed.

Brian Rogers (billionsix) says: Am I the only one who hasn’t realized the obvious? That Venus is going to flip the hell out at Unity using Alphonse’s body like this?
Brian Petery (ugwump) says:

That's one righty grabbing the cane, one lefty fwping the papers, and another righty snapping up the rum.

Remember Brian?  He's a righty.

Brian Petery (ugwump) says:

Now wondering if any of Unity's spare parts have "moved out" and gotten jobs around the Annex...

Andrew Cole (andy4hire) says:

@ugwump: Yes, but the arms in all three frames are sticking out of sleeves. Brian's more of a freelance hand.

Ray Dillinger (bear) says: Unity has swapped in a male body for her (his?) usual female body. Power Perversion Potential (no I am not linking to TVtropes) is an interesting thing. And if Unity's power works like that, is it appropriate to consider her to have any specific gender at all?
Typhin Reynard (typhin) says:

@Ray Dillinger: Her gender would be whatever she identifies as.  Since she normally wears female body parts (and is assumed to have access to choose body parts at least most of the time), she probably identifies as female.  Of course, sometimes one doesn't have as much choice...  I suppose the true test will be how she reacts to still having Alphonse's body once all this is over.  ^_^

...Ah, the internet.  Where else can you ponder the mechanics of possibly transgendered zombies?

Owl Who says South (owlsayssouth) says:

this should end well.

Grant McCormick (grantcmccormick) says:

As often as various body parts fall off from Unity, it shouldn't matter for long.

And in the meantime, it might help Unity get a handle on recent events.

Dieter M. (tangerine) says:

UNITY's final words are words to live by.

Kay Gilbert (kaygilbert) says:

tune: King Kong cartoon theme (1966,

Man parts!
I just sewed on some man parts
I'm feeling strong with man parts
And a big bottle of rum

I'm Unity, I never shrink from danger
Now I am in the body of this stranger
Brian's really great, but he's just a hand
I'm very luck-full, I found a tux-full of . . .

Man parts!
These are Alphonse's man parts
At least, I think they're man parts
Who knows just what I've become?

Joseph W. (alberich) says:

Too obvious, but -

(Tune: "Gotta be" by Des'ree)

Get in spots that seem real tight,
Find some mayhem ev'ry night,
Tick off monster trees and kiss your arms goodbye.
Get in placed you ain't planned,
Stitch on what you find at hand,
Try to keep your gender straight, and kiss hot guys -

You gotta have arms, you gotta have hands, you gotta have shoulders.
You gotta have legs, you gotta have toes, you gotta have fingers. 
You gotta have breasts, you gotta have "bits," you gotta have a gender.
All I know, all I know is, rum will save the day.

Change your moods with ev'ry breath,
Lurch to find a cure for death,
Get some drinks in "Babe," tell her to rampage right.
Go on missions for Gavotte,
Pose for just one more mug shot,
Slug a big of rum, and have an awesome night.

You gotta have arms, you gota have hands, you gotta have shoulders.
You gotta have legs, you gotta have toes, you gotta have fingers.
You gotta have cheeks, you gotta have "bits," or you gotta get plastered.
All I know, all I know is, rum will save the day.

woozy (woozy) says:

Rum, is there anything it can't save you from?

John Sears (john_sears) says:

Scurvy.  That's the one thing rum can't save you from.

Fortunately, pirates invented cocktails and thus banished scurvy from the seven seas, or so I've been led to believe by the voices in my head.

The Auld Grump (theauldgrump) says:

Oh you know you'll hate to leave her when the mornin' come,

Best cure for the woman is a bottle of rum.

If it doesn't make you happy, it'll leave you numb,

Best cure for the woman is a bottle of rum.

Best cure for the woman is a bottle of rum.


There's a man out on the levy, 'neath the mornin' sun.

Mighty quick to tell you how the river will run.

If it doesn't make you happy it'll leave you numb,

Best cure for the foreman is a bottle of rum

Best cure for the foreman is a bottle of rum


Haulin or a polin'til your arms go numb

Best cure for the river is a bottle of rum,

If it doesn't make you happy, it'll leave you numb

Best cure for the river is a bottle of rum.

Best cure for the river is a bottle of rum....


The Auld Grump, wish I could remember where I got that song....

woozy (woozy) says:

Could always do a google search.

>>The Auld Grump, wish I could remember where I got that song....

I did and came up with:

Awesome lyrics!  Thank you.

Kay Gilbert (kaygilbert) says:

@Joseph: Not obvious at all, and a wonderful filk!

Joseph W. (alberich) says:

@Kay, thank you!  Yours was inspired and I bow down before you.  I can't remember what decade I last saw that cartoon in (but with the Cartoon Network, they're all modern now, I guess).  But be careful - with a theme like that you'll inspire awful imitators...

(Tune: Theme from Underdog)

When my opponents ring my bell
And my own gender I can't tell
And my cerebrum works too well
To save me from this living hell
Come shots of rum - shots of rum!
Shots of rum - shots of rum!
Barton White or Captain Morgan
Crash my brain and new male organ
Shots of rum (ah-ah-ah-ah) shots of rum!

Joseph W. (alberich) says:

(He thinks:) Before this comic runs its course...what awful rhymes are people going to find for "Godzooky"...?

Ed Gedeon (eddurd) says:

@Joseph W:  Just because you asked ....

(TUNE: Theme to "The Addams Family")

He hangs out with Godzooky,
He's driving a Suzuki,
He's fiery and he's nuke-y,
Godzilla is his name!

He's playing cards with Yu-Gi
While Sokka's kissing Suki,
Let's all sing in a new key,
(This filk is kinda lame.)

Ed Gedeon (eddurd) says:

Sheesh, I get a decent night's sleep for once, and everybody takes over ...

(TUNE: "Comfortably Numb", Pink Floyd)

How has ev'rybody been here?
It's been a little crazy,
Did I miss out all the fun?

Don't fret, now,
If I've still got an arm,
I can self-repair,
Pull myself together, there!

I'm fine!
I found this mint-condition bod!
It was still intact,
But the pants feel kinda odd ...

Well, I wasn't born, I was constructed!
My blood is full of nanobots!
Now I'm reconstructed once again,
I feel no pain,
Only hurts when I think,
I'll just start to drink!

I'm ... having some
Eighty-proof rum!

So It Begins (soitbegins) says: If a certain tree starts thinking too hard about it, running will be the only thing that will save Unity.
Joseph W. (alberich) says:

@Ed - But it was practically a request!  Have you ever read Robert Browning's "Responses to Challenges to Rhyme"?  Same sort of thing.  Thank you.

Diane Castle (deecee) says:

Oddly enough, none of these are the song that came to me.

Those limbs, those limbs, those new limbs,

Those limbs, those limbs, those new limbs,

Those limbs, those limbs, those new limbs,

Now saved by a swig of the rum...

Carl Fishman (carlfishman) says:

Apparently Unity doesn't read ERB.  Otherwise it would have been; "So long as I have a head and a hand I shall yet triumph."  (Of course, the fellow who first said that started with four hands, and Unity only had three, even counting Brian.)

Edwin Quantrall (reynard) says:

Wow! Today's comic must set a record for the number of filks that it's inspired! (If "inspired" is the proper word...)


The Auld Grump (theauldgrump) says:

@ Woozy - Wicked! Not the version that I'd heard, but definitely the same song. I think the one I'd heard had been softened by a few trips around the folk circuit. When I had tried Googling it I used the version I'd heard, not the original. Thanks!

Adam (10-0-0-1) says: here is hoping the bog doesn't pull a Mr Freeze and reply that they are the only ones that would care.
Woof Arf (woofnarf) says:


Sweetheart has to be the sweetest cartoon character I've ever known.

*double sigh*

Just Here (justhere4coffee) says:

…I think I'm in love with a dog.

Dave Van Domelen (dvandom) says: Bog taxonomy: cookie-giving vs. limb-rending?
So It Begins (soitbegins) says: So that's what gets Sweetheart excited.
Ed Gedeon (eddurd) says:

(TUNE: "Girl", The Beatles)

Now we're talking to a bog who doesn't give us cookies,
But she says she's sorry and she's sad ...
All she wanted was some love, and just a bit of nookie,
Now our job is finished, I'm so glad!
Oh, boy!!  Oh, boy!!

With a vine, she holds a pen and signs the forms we hand her,
Then she'll join her Mom, and cease to be ...
But she doesn't have to do that, 'cause we understand her,
Yes we do (at least, two out of three ...)
Oh, boy!!  Oh, boy!!

Remy let a spirit haunt
His body, though he doesn't want
To brag!
Now our mission is complete,
And Sweetheart hopes to get a treat,
She'll wag!  Wag!  Wag!  Wag!
Oh, boy!!  Oh, boy!!

Now we're ending up the story of Alphonse and Venus,
All about a love that came and went ...
And there's Unity, with top hat and a tux and penis,
Wondering, will Tip experiment?
Oh, boys!  Oh, boys!

Johnn Reynolds (sleepyjohn) says:

Panel three: Unity's dressed up better than Tip.  I think this is a first.  Maybe he can take her to the prom.

Brian Bogue (badbear) says:

Ok now Unity is a transexual, Tip is a transvestite, and Sweetheart is a transgenetic.  Does this mean that the next story arc will happen in Transylvaina?

Diane Castle (deecee) says:

@badbear: Only in a transliteration.

Carl Fishman (carlfishman) says:

And Nick, of course, is transportation.  (Dr. Lee is, at most, an ethical transgressor.)

Rachel Blackman (rainpacket) says:

Who's a good little Canadian superweapon turned civil servant?  You are!  Yes you are!  Awwww. *earscritch*

Rachel Blackman (rainpacket) says:

Also, I love that Unity took not only the body and clothing, but the /hat/, too.

Adam Underfoot (unnatural20) says:


Kay Gilbert (kaygilbert) says:

Oh, Ed, that may just be the filk to end all filks (not that that will stop any of us)!

Michael Brewer (wusemajor) says:

Given that you have a Zombie in the group, trying to deny ghosts is a bit....tricky I'd say. 


Shaenon Garrity (shaenongarrity) says:

But it's a SCIENCE zombie! Totally rational!
John Sears (john_sears) says:

I was just about to say! Sweetheart is herself the product of superscience, as is her entire family; she was raised by a Mad Scientist after all.  Her current workplace is staffed largely by other products of super science; a cyborg helicopter, a clockwork android receptionist, a science-Zombie coworker.  Gavotte might be super-scientific in origin too, for that matter.  But magic, ghosts, or an afterlife? Those could have never come up.

woozy (woozy) says:

Unity likes her new hat.

Dave Van Domelen (dvandom) says: When you've eaten your creator, you kinda HOPE there's no such thing as a supernatural afterlife.
Rob (rrreed) says: @Michael—Unity would hardly be the first SCIENCE zombie: Of course, after establishing its initial premise, Exhibit D promptly introduced its protagonist to zombies of the supernatural sort…
Ben N (mittfh) says:

And let's face it, Unity is hardly your traditional 'reanimated corpse' zombie, whose only purpose in life is to feed (e.g. Re: Your Brains), Sweetheart's hardly your conventional dog, Tip's hardly your conventional psychologist, and Nick... well, Nick's Nick :)

Adam Underfoot (unnatural20) says:

Nick's a pretty run-of-the-mill automatically-censored attack helicopter.

Ed Gedeon (eddurd) says:

(TUNE: "Unchained Melody", Alex North & Hy Zaret)

Oh, I say!  A spirit!
You couldn't be possessed ...
You weren't ... were you?

Oh, no way!  Won't hear it!
I never would have guessed!
That can't ... be true!

That's really dumb!
Please pass the rum ...
Did you become ... her ... love?

Real or unreal?
Just a word, just a word ...
And the line between ... can be blurred!
Sweetheart says, "I feel
That's absurd, that's absurd!
Well, because, I mean ... just absurd!"

Now this job is ending,
Accomplished it with tact ...
Through swamp ... and bog ...

But, still ... a ghost befriending?
That had to be an act!
(So says ... the dog!)

I NEED some rum!
I have no thumbs!
Please feed some rum ... to ... me!

Jon W. (kd7sov) says:

As a somewhat minor character in a great work of British children's literature once put it:

"'Real' is a hard word. Almost as hard as 'true' or 'now'."

Grant McCormick (grantcmccormick) says:

@Shaenon:  Science Zombie, I'll grant you.  But totally rational?  Unity!?  Even in this bunch, she's less rational than pi to the e!

Johnn Reynolds (sleepyjohn) says:

He wasn't possessed!  It was a short-term lease, with option to renew!

David Harmon (mental_mouse) says:

Aww, poor Sweetheart -- I guess it's her turn to reset the wierdometer.

Adam (10-0-0-1) says: I like Remy, I shall miss him after this is over (unless he somehow becomes a regular member of the team *hint hint*)
Shaenon Garrity (shaenongarrity) says:

Jon: Thank you! That is an excellent quote!
John Sears (john_sears) says:

Re: Your Brains is hateful propaganda and the Zombie Rights movement definitely does not approve of the ugly stereotypes Mr. Coulton pushes on the public.

Brian Petery (ugwump) says:

Here's the scenario: there's something phantasmal going on and the gang needs to call in Remy as a consultant, but Sweetheart fights this decision because she's stubborn that way.  Classically Bureaucrat.

Galen R. (guitarfan01) says:

Woo!  Archive binge complete.

Viktor Dosk (hugin) says:

Love Unity's expression in the last panel. 

Remy better stick around. Morticians are at least as useful as psychologists, and they usually smell better. 


Brian McPherson (brian-m) says:

Funny, I'd have thought the elbows would come pre-attached to arms, but apparently they're sold seperately. Some assembly required.

Euel Ball (euel) says:

I thought they were sold at elbow joints...  I'm sorry...

Mike Kozar (mikekozar) says:

Any good necromancer knows the importance of quality joints.  You can always fix a long bone, but stiff joints can turn a quality living-impaired servitor into a shambling abomination quicker then you can say two-for-one torches and pitchforks half price.

John Sears (john_sears) says:

'Shambling abomination' isn't, or at least shouldn't be, the preferred nomenclature.  Personally I prefer 'ambulatorily disadvantaged societal outcast (in need of greater services and outreach)' but it's not as pithy.  I'll work on that.

Michael Brewer (wusemajor) says:

.....I find it interesting how Brian is now a part of his company.

Brian Bogue (badbear) says:

Of course he is part of the company.  He's the parts department

This guy I know (thisguy) says:

Almost a week late, but I find it amusing how Sweetheart, Miss "They are so going to have hot goblin sex," is squicked out by a dude kissing a plant.

Ed Gedeon (eddurd) says:

I already did one filk about elbows (even though it was a couple of years ago) ... well, I'll just have to come up with a new one.

(TUNE: "Hell's Bells", AC/DC)

Though it took forever, the mission's done!
You're shadow agents, you gotta run!
Your patchwork parts I'll no longer see ...
You stole my heart (well, not lit'rally)
Wanna keep you staying, so I'm displaying
An anatomic buffet!
With easy flexion, got a choice selection!
Articulated, A-plus rated!

   Yeah, EL-BOWS!
   A snazzy joint, they're EL-BOWS!
   They come to a point, EL-BOWS!

Johnn Reynolds (sleepyjohn) says:

Remy needed a hand around the shop.

David Harmon (mental_mouse) says:

Hmm...  one nice thing about this strip is that unlike Narbonic, the various arcs get real characters of their own, who don't end up getting absorbed by the main cast (Alphonse partly excepted  ;-) ).

  Yes, Remy is qualified, but so was Julie, for much the same reasons.  (Anyone remember the Bureau 13 books?  The main qualification for joining was surviving a supernatural "incident".)


Tom Powell (top1950) says:

Now if he could only get a 'leg up' on the competition..

Mason Kramer (masonk) says:

Remy, you ask an interesting question, but it's not applicable. You're hardly an ordinary mortician.

Rebecca Burgess (ultrafuchsia) says:

I like that Remy is unfazed by the fact that Unity is now in a male body.  He's still attracted to her/him/it/them/whatever.

Tom Powell (top1950) says:

Yeah, but she still has 'her' body, she just needed a couple of legs and an arm. 

Course that means she now has hairy man legs, but then, so does Tip, and he looks okay in a skirt.

vicka corey (drbrain) says:

remy's from new orleans.  don't assume he's gender-insistent ;)

Brian Petery (ugwump) says:

Unity quips that all she needs is one arm to stitch herself up with. but she once did it with only her toes when werewolves bit her arms off.

vicka corey (drbrain) says:

also, the whole body isn't alphonse, because she *did* have that one remaining arm to stitch with.  (she was shown in panel as a bit lacking with the toes this time.)

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The education bestowed on Shaenon K. Garrity by her parents had been expensive, athletic and prolonged. ... full profile