Shaenon: Our first week of guest strips! The incomparable Andrew Farago--cartoonist, curator of the Cartoon Art Museum, and my husband--was kind enough to draw this guide to the city to which he remains inexplicably loyal (I'm from Pittsburgh, myself) so I could spend the week knocking back ouzo in Greece. Really, we're in Greece this week, doing presentations at a comics festival in Athens. It's a long story. Anyway, thanks very much, Andrew!
Shaenon: And thus ends our first guest week. Thanks again a million times to Andrew for drawing it! And if anyone's in Portland, Oregon this weekend, Andrew and I will be at the Stumptown Comics Fest. (That's right: yesterday we were in Athens and now we're in Portland. This is why I have no time to draw Skin Horse anymore.) See you there!
Wait, an entire week on the town of Cleveland? You could learn all you need to know from a single wall of text, primarily that it's too boring to bother actually learning the myriad ways in which it bores people.
(TUNE: "Kansas City" from "Oklahoma!", Rodgers & Hammerstein)
Ev'rything's always just the same in Cleveland, It's stayed about the same as it can stay! If you just had a week to live, you'd want to visit there, 'Cause every minute seems to take a day!
They went and built a Hall of Fame to honor Rock'n'Roll, But after that, you realize, as down the street you stroll, That Cleveland's as exciting as a grubby lump of coal ... It's stayed about the same as it can stay!
The only thing I really know about Cleveland is that if I have to go through I take the toll road so I can past instead of through, and go over the National Park, but I'd really rather get out my passport and shortcut through Canada instead. (something only a Michigander would probably say)
You need to know about The West Side Market, all of the various awesomesauce restaurants (Melt, Lola's, a few others..) The Cleveland Orchestra, Playhouse Square (The Ohio Theatre is still a stunning place to walk into imo) You can still afford to go to a Baseball game at Progressive Field, the Scinece Museum is pretty danged cool, the Rock Hall ....To just name a few things.
I lived in Cleveland (Shaker Heights, Cleveland Heights and the West Side) from the mid-60s to the early-70s, and the thing that I remember most -- especially considering where I live now -- is the awesome Public Transportation system that it had (has?). I don't know if it's still in place, but it had a city-owned/privately-managed light-rail system and a privately-owned Bus system that actually *competed* with each other for their ridership. (I currently live in a city with a public-transit monopoly and no incentive to give a damn.) Just wanted to throw that out there.
Oh, and don't forget to visit the Museum of Health and the Auto Museum!
reynard, the light rail and bus systems are all RTA now, but still 'Cleveland RTA is the best large transit system in North America, according to the American Public Transportation Association' back in September 2007. After which funding fell through the floor, but it still gets me anywhere in Cleveland I want to go. Also the library system is the best I've ever dealt with. See my Sunday comment for partying.
I'm always happy to see Andrew's art, but it just dawned on me how often the men he draws kinda look like . . . Andrew. Not that there's anything wrong with that.
I hope the Greek trip is a mezés platter of pleasure!
And the answer is... something like four people wrote in support of NYC. Something like eighy thousand wrote in support of Cleveland. The numbers may be a little off but that's roughly it.
Why did Cleveland get the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame? Because they were willing to front a bagfull of money to get it built... Likely because that was the only way there were *ever* going to get that many big name rockstars to visit Cleveland!
Adam, I remember thinking when I first saw the Sergeant that Shaenon drew him as a shout-out to Andrew. I thought it was really sweet. But I'm also thinking of his characters William Bazillion, Mr. Willey (Li'l Mell), etc.
There once was an artist named Andy And Shaenon though he was quite dandy: "I like drawing you." He answered, "Me, too!" And off they marched, handy in handy
Poor Detroit, always the target of mad scientists. At least in the Skin Horse 'verse it wasn't completely wiped out by Dr. Destroyer's orbital laser cannon ^_^.
I was watching a run through of Crysis 2, and it occurred to me: ever notice that no apacalyptic sci-fi scenarios every happen in Detroit after the whole RoboCop movie trilogy?
@Ciara: Have you ever visited kissthisguy.com or amiright.com ? Both sites have collections of mondegreens (misheard lyrics) ... and as for what you heard, you're not alone.
Why would I WANT to accept a substitute for Stadium Mustard when the alternative is death? I'll be honest: Any time that the alternative is death, I'm not going with the alternative.
Aaaand now I'm hypothesizing scenarios in which I would have to cheat death in order to receive stadium mustard from a hot-dog vendor. This is the best guest strip ever.
Well Doug, the most obvious to come to mind is you're at the ballpark with Death, you've both ordered dogs and the hot dog guy is down to his last mustard. Based on what Skin Horse has taught me, a quick "Death look! War and Pestilence" (leg sweep) should do the trick.
I once had a pierogie pizza at a chain in Phoenix called Boston's. It wasn't bad. But my fav pizza at Nello's in Tempe is rapidly becoming their Murphy, onions and bacon. Muey bueno! And not as greasy as their pepperoni.
I've had a lot of different kinds of mustard, including some asian style mustard that will clear up any sinuses you have better than Mentholeum. But I've never had Staduim Mustard. Better to use on hot dogs or brats?
It just occurred to me: With Andrew from Cleveland and Shanneon from Pittsburgh, the Browns versus the Steelers must an interesting dynamic in the Farago/Garrity household.
Ed: Former Sex Pistols guitarist Steve Jones hosts a great radio show in LA called Jonesy's Jukebox. In its original incarnation, he would play songs for a jury of guests and friends, whose verdict was either "pants or mustard." Your filks are most definitely mustard.
As to Cleveland Stadium mustard: love the city, love the stadium, the mustard not so much. It's good, but not article-of-faith good.
Yinz in Cleveland have to settle for hot dogs with stadium mustard because you don't have access to the Potato Patch gravy fries at Kennywood.
Go Stillers!
Jon Stout (brasswatchman) says:
Ain't that the truth...
Jon Stout (brasswatchman) says:
Though, to be fair, the other ten percent of our culture revolves around health care one way or the other.
Eric Burns (ericburns) says:
Now now. The Browns left Cleveland and became the Baltimore Ravens. The expansion team Cleveland Browns that came in later have never won a championship.
Now to blend in, in Cleveland, you gotta like sports ... The three local teams are a pain in the shorts! Forcing out cheers through pain and tears! Always lose the big game ... Haven't won a trophy in forty-six years!
In-dians, Browns, and Cavs! You'll always hear the residents of Cleveland griping ... In-dians, Browns, and Cavs! Although in spite of the choking and the flubs ... At least we're not the Cubs!
Eric, it's an official, judge-blessed legality that the Browns were an inactive franchise 1996-1999, and that the Ravens were a new expansion team that simply happened to have the same owner and personnel as the old Browns. The National Football League, Pro Football Hall of Fame, Cleveland Browns and Baltimore Ravens all agree the current Browns team are a continuation of the team founded in 1946.
If you continue to spread the fiction that the Browns have ever left Cleveland, well, I know a pretty deep gully over near Rocky River Drive where they'll never find you.
Ghoulardi almost gets you there, but if you want to speak Cleveland, familiarize yourself with Mr. Jingaling at Halle's, the Euclid Beach funhouse, Captain Penny and Jungle Larry, Mayor Perk's New Years' Eve singalong in Public Square, the Blossom Music Festival, Corky and Lenny's deli and Malley's chocolate. And, though not native, classic Cleveland drinks include Carling Black Label beer, RC Cola and Faygo redpop.
"Big Chuck and Little John"? Heck, I can remember the Good/Bad-Old-Days of Houlihan and Big Chuck! My favorite skits were "Ben Crazy", "The Streak" and "The Pizza-Eating Champeenchip-o'-da-Woild!". And anytime they showed a Universal Studios classic horror movie, they'd show a "music video" (before the genre even got the name!) of Bobby Pickett's "Monster Mash". There was also the post-Goulardi show "The Ghoul". Also, don't forget WKYC's "Barnaby" (Linn Sheldon) and "Captain Cleveland and Clem". In regard to local beverages, my all-time favorite was the politically-incorrectly-named "Cherrikee Red" by Cotton Club. (Wish I could find it here in Indy!) Ah, good times! Good times...
Drew Carey, sitcom, Final season was a bomb, "Cleveland Rocks" montage, Brewin' beer in his garage,
QB Bernie Kosar, Threw the pigskin so far! Drawin' plays up in the dirt, It's too bad that he got hurt!
Dick Goddard, weatherman! He's been there for quite a span! Festival with woolybear Caterpillars ev'rywhere!
Big Chuck and Li'l John, Puttin' cheesy movies on, Addin' their own comedy, Friday night on TV!
If you are not from Cleveland, If you wanna make it, then you gotta fake it! If you are not from Cleveland, Then you at least should know Who had a famous show, you know, you know, you know ...
Goddard sounds like the kind of meteorologist who probably wouldn't be a television meteorologist if he had applied today. Not to mention probably wouldn't get his AMS (American Meteorological Society) Seal of Approval. Well, maybe. You just have to pass a knowledge test on the weather and pay I think $100.
I met Dick Goddard on the set of Academic Challenge.
Odd, I have had two girlfriends who were on that show. For both of them, their school lost because the team captain didn't listen to them when they KNEW the answer.
...A warning from the future that the Skin Horse movie will be so bad that it has become a deadly meme?
Shaenon Garrity (shaenongarrity) says:
It's long been kind of a dream of mine to see one of my comics adapted into a really bad movie. Like "Invasion of the Bee Girls" bad.
@Shaenon: DANG! It's too late now for me to change weekend plans and get up to Portland! How could you be so cruel to tell me when it was far, far too late? I must now go sob into my pillow...
(TUNE: "You Never Give Me Your Money", The Beatles)
We're gonna make us a movie, It's from a comic book adaptation ... But when the writers start collaboration, It breaks down ...
I think that comics are groovy! The art and writing are fine creations, But Hollywood will make alterations ... It breaks down ...
Comic movies really suck! Make 'em quick to make a buck! Movie moguls, they don't care at all! Superman or Howard Duck, Viewers going, "WTF?!" Comic fans and critics are appalled!
But still, they make some money From video ... Still, they make their money From video, home video!
Print is cool! Pekar and Ditko, Siegel and Shuster rule! "Comics" or "sequential art", Called what you will, it's in the heart of me!
Comic art ... will always be ... Will always be ... will always be ... Yes it will!
Six, five, four, three, two, one, zero, Howard was a superhero, Six, five, four, three, two, one, zero, Howard was a superhero ... (repeat and fade)
The Skin Horse movie might be bad, but will it be bad enough for RiffTrax? You're going to have to work extra hard to be bad enough for the old MST3k crew.
I think Skin Horse'd make an *excellent* movie; and you know, its title would carry a strong and promising likdlihood of being rented by people looking for pornos as well as by actual fans, thus increasing its popularity. ^__^ You think maybe we could get Whoopi Goldberg to voice Gavotte? If she managed a svelte British accent, that would ROCK.
Oh, yeah, Superman. The guy who, in a story spanning his first two comic appearances, acts to shut down a US munitions manufacturer and stop a bill that would have involved the US in the defense of Europe. One wonders that he didn't also personally courier American secrets to the Reichstag and stop to give Hitler a blowjob.
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