"Skin Horse" By Shaenon K. Garrity and Jeffrey Channing Wells

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68 comments:

Jared Anderson (the_shrike) says:

Best. Excuse. Ever.

Eddddd theawsome (eddddd) says:

Oh no, Tips had the perfect shoes for an Im-suddenly-gay-and-am-going-out-with-a-transgenic-gerbil-date , he can't possible use the same outfit for a council meeting!

Dave Van Domelen (dvandom) says: Well, the gerbil might be at the meeting too, even if he's no longer on the council.

Brian McPherson (brian-m) says:

As interesting as all this is, I can't help wondering how Untiy's doing at the moment. Is she also going on a date?

She and Remy could be planning on a romantic moonlit stroll through a swamp...

Rob (rrreed) says: According to Unity's observations (if not perceptions, <sigh>) on Nick's Livejournal, Remy's a little tied up right now…

Ed Gedeon (eddurd) says:

(TUNE: "Time", Hootie & The Blowfish)

Tip ...
Well now, there you are!
Well, the missus and I have searching
Ev'ry res-tau-rant and bar!

Tip ...
Kindly come this way!
We can meet in the transgenic-friendly
Vegan fair-trade cafe!

By the way they both reacted,
You can tell they were distracted
And forgot the time!
'Cause they're dealing with some major shift
In his sexual paradigm!

Wayne (wayne) says:

@TheAwesome: if the council meeting is attended by beings mostly with feeble nocturnal eyes, Tip might be able to save a clothing change.

Andrew Kunz (ampersand888) says:

Is this a red or a blue sexual paradigm shift?

Camille Dumas (camidumas) says:

"Come inside and have a cuppa tea!"

Mark V (markv) says:

@Andrew Kunz: As the poet said, "...so swift
was his action, the Lorentz contraction...",
so that would be a decidedly blue shift.

Also wondering whether Kate or Mike will be
distracted by a Skin Horse today, and whether
that's even legal in Missouri.

Diane Castle (deecee) says:

You know, for some odd reason I think Tip really needs a handbag with that outfit.

Dave Van Domelen (dvandom) says: "Hey, we didn't bring Unity this time, at least!"

Prodigal (snakebitcat) says:

Squeaker and Lim-Lim, and bear, oh my!

Dieter M. (tangerine) says:

UNITY might actually be a step up, from the sound of it.

JP Chabot (speedball) says:

But Thundercloud and Lim-Lim own hats too!

woozy (woozy) says:

They *wear* hats while undercover but 1) they might be league owned as disguise or 2) they might have descretely chosen to keep that information from Niue or 3) birds are simply frig-ape insane.

Brian McPherson (brian-m) says:

@ woozy

4) All of the above.

Ed Gedeon (eddurd) says:

(TUNE: "I'm Late", from Disney's "Alice In wonderland")

We're late! We're late!
To a panel that's full of hate!
Just see them frown!
Shut up, sit down!
We're late, we're late, we're late!

The worst of all our fears,
Their scoffing and their jeers!
Although, you see,
This just might be
One of the better years!

There's Thundercloud and grim Lim-Lim!
Niue's screaming, "Foul!"
And Mr. Squeakers, look at him!
Our lateness makes him scowl!

You may ... have guessed,
Our hosts are not impressed!
Both ape and pup,
Sit down, shut up!
We're late, we're late, we're late!

John Taylor (barkingmonkey) says:

That's the best spam-bot yet. Mmmmm, china soccer cleats tea - my favorite! I must have missed my invitation to the Human Hair - Cycling Shoes wedding. (Isn't this what the religious right were warning would happen if same-sex marriage were legalized?)

Nick Lardas (voyager) says:

I don't know... I seem to recall Unity making a hat out of the last cute fuzzy thing she came into contact with. Somehow I don't think that would go over well here.

John Campbell (jcampbel) says:

Leo and H.T. and MayaWinonaThundercloudan'LimLim, oh my!

Jon W. (kd7sov) says:

...We've seen "SQUEAKER" before, I'm pretty sure. I just can't remember where...

Ysabet Just Ysabet (theysabet) says:

Whoah. Now all they need are delegates from the Skin Horse basement populations; nothing like a few silverfish, giant zombie heads, cybernetic fish or crystaline entities to liven up the party. Bet the giant rat would feel right at home, though.

Ben N (mittfh) says:

Are any of the Narbonic hamsters still alive? :) I suppose we should be grateful there's no sign yet of Venusian lizards or Martian shapeshifters...

-oOo-

Meanwhile, if you try constructing coherent sentences out of that spam-bot's post, you could end up with something resembling a mad science wedding: who else but a product of mad science would attend wearing a human hair wig, cycling shoes, normal shoes, soccer shoes, a polo shirt and sunglasses, topped off with a "new era" hat restored to its "original period splendour", while drinking a tea made from another pair of cycling shoes...

Prodigal (snakebitcat) says:

@Jon W: Niue introduced Tip to Mr. Squeakers when she was showing him around the convention a few installments back.

Rob (rrreed) says: @Jon & @Prodigal—and the first reference to Mr. Squeakers (and Niue, for that matter!) was way back during the "Wild Things" arc when Maya called (or was called by) him.

Rachel Blackman (rainpacket) says:

I would imagine UNITY has a way of making meetings happen A LOT FASTER.

Grant McCormick (grantcmccormick) says:

"—And we've got the concrete paw-prints to prove it!"

Kay Gilbert (kaygilbert) says:

tune: "I'm still standing," Elton John & Bernie Taupin (Elton John, Too Low for Zero, 1983)

You think we don't know every move you make
Well Captain's Fancy Sweetheart, that's your big mistake
The Transgenic ADL is watching you
And if you think your rampages don't count, I've got some news: they do!

They aren't forgotten and they aren't a joke
We know you inhaled some of Artie's ganja smoke
And it's no excuse that, in New Orleans,
You saved thousands from the zombie hell-spawn of bayou voodoo queens

Don't you that cement-standing is a big trangenic crime
Couple that with bus-stop sitting, and you're facing major time
Yes, cement-standing is just like a gateway drug
Next you eat too many samples, and then you're a drunken thug
Cement-standing (No! No! No!)
Cement-standing (No! No! No!)

So It Begins (soitbegins) says: I never expected that Sweetheard would actually end up facing the music for her rampage.

Ed Gedeon (eddurd) says:

(TUNE: "It's A Heartache", Trick Pony)

Cement-standing!
Now to you they're handing
Charges, and demanding
That you should explain!

In New Orleans,
You were making such scenes!
Kindly tell, by all means,
Why you went insane!

   But down there, it's still a crime
   To not be drunk at any time ...
   True!
   You gotta chug those Hurricanes
   Or else the local cop detains
   You!

Cement-standing!
Big misunderstanding!
Liquor notwithstanding,
You were off the chain!
(Bad, bad girl!)

joe dreyfuss (jdreyfuss) says:

They've only got circumstantial evidence. It's not like they have anything concrete.

Wayne (wayne) says:

@Kay: great job! I'm a huge EJ/BT fan. I have to admit that I don't recgonize a lot of your songs, but this one was dead on!

Rob (rrreed) says: @Joe—even circumstantial evidence can be damning, if you aggregate enough of it.

Diane Castle (deecee) says:

@soitbegins: It looks like UNITY gets away with everything, but with Sweetheart it's Can't Get Away With Nothing. I'm not linking to the relevant TV Tropes page, because that could destroy the productivity of this group for days.

Brian Petery (ugwump) says:

Classic petty power corruption. Pick on people who care because they twitch.

Unity infuriates that sort of creep because her A.D.D. makes her treat them like she thinks they don't really matter, and that makes them feel bad.

Dave Van Domelen (dvandom) says: And it's not that Unity doesn't think the Council matters, it's just...SQUIRREL!

Joyce Melton (halfelven) says:

WHERE? WHERE?

What were we talking about?

Nick Lardas (voyager) says:

Or she rips their arms off and beats them to death with them. This is Unity we're talking about here.

Norman Thallheimer (normanrt) says:

But, your honor, they NEEDED eatin'!

Just Here (justhere4coffee) says:

It's true, I ate them; I won't deny it, and I'm not sorry! I'd do it again in an instant - provided there was suitable provocation beforehand…

Jens Ayton (ahruman) says:

I ate the samples

But I didn't bite no chairwoman.

I ate the samples

But I didn't bite no chairwoman.

Yeah! All around in Cleveland,

They're trying to find me, man;

They say they want to bring me in guilty

For the biting of a chairwoman

For biting a chairwoman.

But I say:

I ate the samples

(But I swear it was in self-defence.)

I ate the samples

(And they say it is a etiquette offence.)

Yeah! (Ooh, ooh, oo-oh) Yeah!

Ed Gedeon (eddurd) says:

(TUNE: "Talking In Your Sleep", The Romantics)

Well, we went and talked to the Cypress swamp ...
Then afterwards, our trio had a ... little romp!
When her daughter came back to re-unite ...
We went out on a bender for a ... fortnight!

A little crazy we went!
An antisocial e-vent!
I stood upon the ce-ment!
And the Council tonight
Says, "You know that wasn't ri-i-ight!"

And now ... I'm getting lots of hate
'Cause of samples that I ate!
These guys ... are getting quite irate
'Cause of samples that I ate!

Prodigal (snakebitcat) says:

Technically, Sweetheart's offense list should have included "concrete standing", rather than "cement standing". The stuff that gets poured into sidewalks and roads uses cement as a binding agent to hold all the other stuff in, but it's concrete, no cement. OTOH, I don't expect that whatever type of being draws up the list of criminal rampage offenses ever worked for the highway or public works department, so s'all good.

sprrwhwk (sprrwhwk) says:

This Is Just To Say

I have eaten

the samples

that were on

the table

and which

you were probably

saving

for other customers

Forgive me

they were present

and I

was so rampant

vicka corey (drbrain) says:

seems to me that bear's spent a fair amount of time targeting the gummint herself...

Louis Richards (lummer5000) says:

Aren't all important politics hashed out in smoke filled rooms?

Kay Gilbert (kaygilbert) says:

tune: "Smoke gets in your eyes," Jerome Kern & Otto Harbach (Roberta, 1933)

Leopard wanted to know, "Is it time to go?"
Maya Winona Thundercloud replied, "Smoke can't be denied"
Yes, some branch of the Fed wants us good and dead
When the room's on fire, you must realize, we have guv'mint spies

My raw throat says that we want the vote, so they think we're a threat
I've no doubt they want to smoke us out
But we'll defeat them yet

Transgenics must unite, fight to gain our rights!
Let's regroup outside, staying here's unwise
Smoke is in our eyes!

Dave Van Domelen (dvandom) says: Slightly off-topic...to judge from the preview of Adam Warren's "Maid Man" special, it's starting to look like the badass crossdresser from the Empowered books may be that universe's Tip Wilkins....

Ed Gedeon (eddurd) says:

(TUNE: "Smoke On The Water", Deep Purple)

We all went up to Cleveland,
For the big transgenic meet!
But Ms. Thundercloud and Lim-Lim
Had our whole police rap sheet!
They're asking Project Skin Horse
If they really, truly care ...
But her voice is getting quite hoarse
'Cause there's something in the air!

CHORUS:
    Smoke in the diner!
    Fire in the back!
    Smoke in the diner!

Now it's clear, when meeting here,
We wanted to devote
Our efforts for the coming year
To getting rights to vote!
But in Louisiana,
With danger, things are fraught!
Coincidence, more than a!
Debate is getting hot!
    (repeat CHORUS)

Prodigal (snakebitcat) says:

That's eerily plausible, Dave.

Ysabet Just Ysabet (theysabet) says:

Oooh, is that a jaguar? Also, I'm strongly resisting the urge to make jokes about Smokey Bear here, just saying.

I'm also wondering if it's possible for stress or other factors to cause a resurgence of Tip's werewolf state. Now THAT would be interesting; Ms. Bear Ma'am would probably accuse him of being a government sheep in wolf's clothing or some such.

Andrew Cole (andy4hire) says:

Er, doesn't smoke hissing into the room mean that a strip or two from now they're all going to wake up in a mysterious, isolated Village somewhere?

Prodigal (snakebitcat) says:

I'm not sure whether the Smoke Jaguar in the last panel is a deliberate Battletech reference or not...

jake herman (advocatejake) says:

I think I saw the Smoke Jaguar in a picture with Salvador Dali actually.

Brian Petery (ugwump) says:

Might want to evacuate Niue, birds are very susceptible to smoke inhalation.

Carl Fishman (carlfishman) says:

Isn't a Smoke Jaguar an Aztec deity? (Or Aztec demon; there really isn't any difference.)

Rob (rrreed) says: Seems like Maya is always a tad slow on the uptake of the obvious…

And @Michael Brewer (wusemajor) seems to have called things way back then, too!

I wonder if Artie is involved with this group? I rather doubt he would be this anal about rampages, concidering everthing he has done.

Michael Brewer (wusemajor) says:

And they brought a smoke machine to advertise it and everything!

Michael Brewer (wusemajor) says:

.....Though, really, what percentage of the population at the con can wear t-shirts?

D. Connolly (theogrin) says:

Panel 3: Say, isn't that Mongor?

Michael Brewer (wusemajor) says:

Yes, I do think that's Senator Mongorsky right there. Or has that happened yet?

woozy (woozy) says:

Senator Mongorsky? Is that the dragon I was going to name Custard?

Carl Fishman (carlfishman) says:

Well, this is at least two days late, but I ca't resist trying to join the game;

"Sweetheart"
(to the tune of the old folk song "Sam Hall")

Oh, my name is Captain Fancy; his Sweetheart;
Yes, my name is Captain Fancy; his Sweetheart;
Oh my name it is Sweetheart;
Of the Gummint I'm a part;
But I'm off to a poor start;
I'm a Bad Dog!

Oh, they say I spilled a glass; I spilled a glass;
Yes, they say I spilled a glass; I spilled a glass;
Oh they say I spilled a glass;
And I left it on the grass;
Which shows I have no class;
I'm a Bad Dog!

Then I went and put my paws in wet concrete;
Yes, I went and put my paws in wet concrete;
I put my paws in wet concrete;
Now my mark is on the street;
I'm afraid I was not neat;
I'm a Bad Dog!

Then the Rangers came from Texas far away;
Yes, the Rangers came from Texas far away;
Oh they'll lock me up today,
Because I ate a sample tray;
Yes, I ate the whole damn tray;
I'm a Bad Dog!

Oh, Tip, the macho man in pumps and dress;
Yes, Tip, the macho man in pumps and dress;
Oh, Tip, in pumps and dress,
Said much to my distress;
"Sweetheart, you must confess;
"You're a Bad Dog!"

So they locked me in a kennel quite remote;
Yes, they locked me in a kennel, quite remote;
To that kennel quite remote,
Comes a panda in a coat,
But she just comes there to gloat;
I'm a Bad Dog!

Now my friends they come at last to set me free;
Yes, my friends they come at last to set me free;
Now at last they set me free,
For bad though I may be,
They cannot fire me;
I'm Civil Service!

Ed Gedeon (eddurd) says:

(TUNE: "We Gotta Get Out Of This Place", The Animals)

At the latest transgenic meeting,
In the heart of Cleveland town,
All at once, the air is turning brown!
Now all the members begin stampeding,
As they face impending doom!
In disorderly manner, clear the room!

Moments later, Leo 'n' H.T.
Poke their heads in through the door ...
"Guess they don't want T-shirts anymore?"
(It's our surprise ...)
(In every size ...)
(For girls 'n' guys ...)

We'd better evacuate now,
It's time to beat feet and clear the deck!
We'd better evacuate now,
Folks, hold your heads up high, and run like heck!

Frank (pokefan_frank) says:

@wusemajor: You wont <em>believe</em> how hard it was to get gerbil-sized shirts!

vicka corey (drbrain) says:

the t-shirts aren't to wear! the t-shirts are for sleeping on! :)

Chris Reed (animeraider) says:

Nice to know that Mongor survived his encounter with Mell in the Lost Diamond Mines of Brazil.

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