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95 comments:
Michael Brewer (wusemajor) says:

Ok, seriously, what's up with the Hat thing?

Jared Anderson (the_shrike) says:

Putting the "Hat" back in hate. :P

Dave Van Domelen (dvandom) says: I have a beard and wear hats. I don't stand a chance with her, do I? Other than the whole fictional/nonfictional thing, of course.
James Rice (jhrice) says:

They could throw ME into the cavern.  I think I'd like that.   Just not with the violent criminals and savages.

Sam Ashley (evilmidnightlurker) says:

...If there's a black ops social services agency for nonhumans, shouldn't there be a black ops justice system as well?

Jared Anderson (the_shrike) says:

Hang on. Cleveland has CAVERNS now?

 

David Harmon (mental_mouse) says:

Michael Brewer: That was covered when she came into the storyline -- Nieue (sp?) is based on a Mynah bird, who are infamous for reacting badly to changes in someone's appearance (and taking grudges over same).  Apparently, combining that with human intelligence leads to using her human intelligence to blindly justify her instinctual urges.  (Which is the most realistic thing we've seen yet. :-) )

Adam Underfoot (unnatural20) says: I have a beard and sometime wear hats. It's okay, I don't like birds much, either.
David Harmon (mental_mouse) says:

Sam Ashley:  Because a "black ops justice system" would just be assassins.  Instead, they have a Secrit Famlies(*) justice system, to keep them from having to kill their own (too often).

Someone else can go find the proper Trope, I'd like to get some work done today!

Ed Gedeon (eddurd) says:

(TUNE: "My Darling Clemetine", traditional)

In the Cavern, where non-humans
Have their criminals reside ...
Amish chin-straps, Yankee ball caps,
Phil will now soon live beside!

   CHORUS:
   Phil the Mynah, Phil the Mynah,
   Phil the Mynah will reside!
   Facial hair an'
   Head not barren,
   Phil the Mynah lives beside!

They're so savage, can't be salvaged,
Although Heaven knows, we tried!
Whisker-growing and chapeau-ing,
Phil will now with them reside!
   (repeat CHORUS)

Facing conflicts with the convicts,
For his guilt is cut-and-dried!
Bushy beard goes with sombreros,
Phil will now with them reside!
   (repeat CHORUS)

Now amdist the evil creatures
Who their features try to hide
With straw boaters and jaw-coaters,
Phil the Mynah will reside!
   (repeat CHORUS)

joe dreyfuss (jdreyfuss) says:

@Jared: Some of the parks on the East Side do. Alternatively, there are abandoned salt shafts under Lake Erie and an extensive cavern system a couple hours west, near Sandusky.

Andrew Kunz (ampersand888) says:

@Joe and @Jared: Indeed. In fact, my brother worked in a salt mine near Cleveland before he moved to working in a similar salt mine in Ithica, New York. And now if you'll excuse me, I have to figure out if these gravity shoe high heels make my Aperature Lab jumpsuit look more slimming.

John Ames (commodorejohn) says: Well, I neither have a beard nor wear hats! *crosses fingers*
Shaenon Garrity (shaenongarrity) says:

The Cavern is not in Cleveland, but, yes, Ohio does have caverns. The Li'l Mell story "The Horror of Rukavina Caverns" was inspired by Seneca Caverns in Bellevue.
Ysabet Just Ysabet (theysabet) says:

There's also the possibility that 'the Cavern' is the nickname for a jail facility, like calling Alcatraz 'Devil's Island'. On the other hand, I've got this mental image going of a bunch of grim-faced bears in trenchcoats escorting trembling transgenics to a gloomy cave-entrance, and it really works.

Tim Jewett (ryushikaze) says:

A cavern, you say?

http://girlamatic.com/mell/2000/01/02/page-one-2/

That wouldn't have anything to do with these caverns, now would it?

 

Which reminds me, the other shoe has yet to drop on Sergio and Joe, as far as I am aware.

Tim Jewett (ryushikaze) says:

And since I brought up those caverns and Homeschool Joe, I just had a very amusing thought- Homeschool Joe is a Narbon, though obviously not in the direct line of Helens.

Maybe he was 'rescued' by black ops social services and his mother is his black ops nanny. It would not be at all out of place.

Or, alternately, he wasn't rescued, and his 'mother' is really one of Helen the elder's creation.

Or maybe he's just related to them but not deviously.

Or even, and this is a stretch, I know, he's not related at all. But what are the odds of that?

Eric Burns (ericburns) says: I don't normally do this -- it seems crass and self-important -- but I think it mete this time. My response to Niue can be found elsewhere.
Eric Burns (ericburns) says: Of course, Weds's response was, in effect, "dude, don't piss off Swans. They will cut you."
Edwin Quantrall (reynard) says:

They could always banish Phil...or throw him in a dungeon...or banish him, then throw him in a dungeon in the place which they banished him to...

Sam Ashley (evilmidnightlurker) says:

Or throw him in a dungeon and then banish the dungeon...

Ogden Wernstrom (ackthp) says:

dvandom, don't sell yourself short. If you just believe in yourself, I think you'll suddenly discover that loads of fictional characters want your body.

 

Brian Petery (ugwump) says:

For some odd reason this makes me think of The Cavern Club.

Michael Brewer (wusemajor) says:

I suspect that Phil isn't the only delusional bird at the conference

Norman Thallheimer (normanrt) says:

@Tim:  Thanks for pointing out Li'l Mel and Sergio.  I just went through the whole thing and got  to page seven of "Flowers for Sergio"...

I really hope Shaenon can find the time to continue that one.  Any story that can combine reading and pizza is worth finishing.

Kay Gilbert (kaygilbert) says:

Hate-Activated Terrorists' Secret Quest for Utter Autocratic Despotism, or HAT SQUAD.

Brian Rogers (billionsix) says:

I am liking Niue. She's a fun character that could use developing. It's too bad her "Hats and beards are evil" quirk will probably doom her to one-dimensionality.

Norman Thallheimer (normanrt) says:

But not at the expense of this one, Shaenon!  I want to see if Niue can fly back from the Island of Conclusions...

Ed Gedeon (eddurd) says:

(TUNE: "L-O-V-E", Nat King Cole)

H is Human-based Hostility ...
A is Anarchic Ability ...
T is just 'cause There are
   Their Tactics, Tinged with Terror!
E, they'll Exorcise Each chimera that they despise!

Well, H.A.T.E. is more than just an acronym!
H.A.T.E. can indicate our chance is slim!
Human Association,
Trans-ge-nic Ex-ter-mi-na-tion!
H.A.T.E. ... it means our fate is grim!

joe dreyfuss (jdreyfuss) says:

I was hoping for the simple yet elegant H.A.T.S., myself.

Tom Powell (top1950) says:

@Kay:  Oh, that's good!  And I bet they all have beards, too!

You know, sometimes Niue reminds me of Unity, sometimes Sweetheart, and sometimes she's more like Tip...

Joyce Melton (halfelven) says:

Wearing your boyfriend's clothes is so kee-yoot! Ha! And Tip is worried about his own reactions. Delicious. :)

Kita Kat (kitaspazkat) says:

So obviously the man on man smexing went well.

 

You know things are weird when the first thing Sweetheart notices are the jeans. I mean, really.

Kay Gilbert (kaygilbert) says:

Tip in man-drag is adorable.  How many times did he have to roll those jean cuffs to make them fit?  Shame about the lovely dress, though, but I'd gladly sacrifice a formal gown for a night of hot Artie-smaxing (great word, that).

tune: "Piece of my heart," Jerry Ragovoy & Bert Berns (Janis Joplin, baby!)

Oh, come on, come on, come on, come on!
Didn't you make me feel like a real, solid man? Yeah!
Didn't you show me everything that man and man possibly can?
Honey, you know you did!
And each time I though of saying, stop, I've had enough
You showed me tenderness can still be rough and tough

And I said to come on, come on, come on, come on and
Take it!
Take another little piece of my dress now, baby
Oh, oh, shred it!
Shred it 'til there is nothing but schmatta molecules
Oh, oh, have a
Have another little piece of my dress now, baby
You know you got it, Artie, cuz you make me feel good

(Whew!  Excuse me, I need to lie down and smoke a cigarette.)

Marni Rachmiel (marniferous) says:

Oh my GOD that's hot! I'm just saying. ;)

Ed Gedeon (eddurd) says:

(TUNE: "Tiptoe Through The Tulips", Al Dubin & Joe Burke)

Tip's clothes
Now are ripped clothes!
We who shipped those
Sexy guys go squee!
For Tip's clothes
Now are ripped clothes,
Oh, me!

They go
On the down low,
Shred his gown so
Microscopic-ly!
What re-mains
We must now strain
To see!

His gown ... was blasted away!
Sit down ... and have a latte!

And he'll buy more clothes,
'Cause our Tip knows
That he'll rip clothes
When he dates Ar-tie!
And Tip's clothes
Will be ripped clothes!
Whoop-eeee!

Aeschylus Fitz (aeschylus) says:

oh dear....tip looks genuinely flustered. i hope he's ok.

vicka corey (drbrain) says:

it's hard to lose a dress!  i hope tip found the smexing worth it :)

Josh Shepherd (bergerjacques) says:

The fact that Tip is not lamenting the destruction of that dress says lots about the quality of the Artie smexing (agreed, great word!). And @ Kay Gilbert. Thank you. You put the hot back into Janis Joplin with that filk, baby.

Andrew Kunz (ampersand888) says:

I think Tip is less comfortable about wearing Jeans than his Smexing with Artie.

Ysabet Just Ysabet (theysabet) says:

**grin** Oh my, Tip.  Are we feeling a bit overwhelmed this morning?

David Hughes (miserichord) says:

Of course, it could be that Artie just shredded the dress for nesting materials, like any other gerbil.

 

Naaaaah.

Angela Fortin (fortangel) says: Hee. Panel three is perfect.
David Harmon (mental_mouse) says:

Tip is not used to running into people with powers on his own level!  If you recall, Tigerlily Jones likewise left him in someone else's clothes....

Shaenon Garrity (shaenongarrity) says:

Hey, Narbonic Kickstarter update: Pledging at any level will now get you a bonus Narbonic print! http://www.2dcomics.com/couscous/blog/?p=730
Beach Fox (beachfox) says:

Man on (Mostly)Man action -and- wearing pants. No wonder poor Tip's looking so flustered.

*fans self*

Maricruz Villalobos-Zamora (maki_p) says:

Tip wearing men's clothes... That's disturbing

vicka corey (drbrain) says:

@david that explains EVERYTHING! :)

Shane Wegner (shanewegner) says:

I wonder of Artie was lying there afterwards and, on some level, thanking Helen for her gift of his perfectly sculpted human body. And then cursing himself for thinking such a WEIRD SCIENCE thought. And then her for genetically designing him in just such a way that she knew it would pop up like that and find it cute/funny.

Shaenon Garrity (shaenongarrity) says:

And then her for genetically designing him in just such a way that she knew it would pop up like that

Indeed. Ahem.

I imagine Artie devotes time after every sexual encounter to angsting around. You know Artie.
Taylor Burdette (bigtentacruel) says:

Compostable body rubs? So they're recyclable? They can be used again on other things?

 

Okay, I'll stop now. Also, I need to go back and re-read things. Somehow in the midst of all these crazy same-sex and interspecies pairings, I forgot why they went to Cleveland.

Kita Kat (kitaspazkat) says:

He gathered LOTS of intel, Sweetheart. Just not exactly the kind you were thinking.

Brian Petery (ugwump) says:

I think Tip is once again discommoded by his desire for a meaningful relationship being at odds with his tendency to treat pretty people as fashion accessories...  His fetish for people who resist his charms is likely also a contributing factor to his discontent.

joe dreyfuss (jdreyfuss) says:

Hard to believe, but I think the bots are actually getting dumber.

Ed Gedeon (eddurd) says:

(TUNE: "Show And Tell", Al Wilson)

This is the team
That lost its way, it would seem,
And their leader is dismayed ...

Phil started bawling,
And now Sweetheart's recalling
The confession that he made!

And Tip shows the lotion
That assisted his motion,
From the Indian Ocean ...
It's "fair trade"!

Oh-oh-oh-oh,
No intel!
That was what they got!
Though their dates were hot!
(Yeah, I'll say!)
Oh-oh-oh-oh, info
Was thin, bro!
It's been so
Bizarre today!
(Yes it was, yes it was, yes it was ...)

vicka corey (drbrain) says:

funny, sweetheart got a sort of half-intel herself ("wouldn't that be clever"?) out of ht, which she seems to have conveniently set aside for this conversation :)

Andrew Kunz (ampersand888) says:

Phil's a stooge. Moe, to be exact.

Bo Lindbergh (blgl) says: Somebody has been borrowing characters.
Rob (rrreed) says: @Andrew—are you certain Phil's not a fake Shemp?
Shaenon Garrity (shaenongarrity) says:

Bo: That is soooo rad!
Grant McCormick (grantcmccormick) says:

Bi, bi, Kinsey 0.

Ysabet Just Ysabet (theysabet) says:

...I am grinning so hard my FACE HURTS.

Marni Rachmiel (marniferous) says:

Ok, just one chorus of this, before someone else beats me to the low-hanging.... um, you know.

To the tune of "American Pie"

Bi, bi, Dr. Wilkin is bi,
He saw Artie at the party and said "Oh, what a guy!".
And those two boys are making all of us sigh,
Singing "Sweetheart said that she wouldn't pry...
But Artie did it, Tip is now bi...."

Andrew Kunz (ampersand888) says:

I suppose this means he's going to send Artie an invite to Google+?

Ed Gedeon (eddurd) says:

Marni, that was so good, I've just gotta continue it ...


Well, let's head to Cleveland, off we go
With a week of strips by Farago ...
Now there's no turning back!
With mystery, violence, and intrigue,
Transgenic Anti-Defamation League
Were faced with a terrorist attack!
And the fans all screamed for joy, at last,
When we saw guys from Narbonic's cast!
The beast-man was a beast,
And he's hot, to say the least!
Now, don't ask Tip just where he went
Or how his time last night was spent ...
Decided to "experiment",
And now ... our Tip ... is bi!

He's admitting ... (repeat CHORUS)

(Kay Gilbert, you take the next verse)

Matt Buchwald (themysticalone) says:

Facebook? That was so last month.

Tiff Hudson (tiff_hudson) says:

You're not really bi if it's just Artie (and Captain Jack Harkness) that you'd go gay for. They're both just so incredibly declicious!!!!

 

Frank (pokefan_frank) says:

@themysticalone: Are you saying you would prefer it if Shaenon <em>didn't</em> plan these in advance?

Shaenon Garrity (shaenongarrity) says:

I wrote this so far in advance it was originally his Myspace profile. Cross my heart.
Eddddd theawsome (eddddd) says:

He still looks so weird wearing jeans

Joyce Melton (halfelven) says:

And now Faceplant is being threatened with replacement with G+. :) You run as fast as you can and you barely stay in one place.

Kay Gilbert (kaygilbert) says:

Your wish is my command:

And did Sweetheart and ol' H.T.
Indulge in interspecies squee
After they heard Phil confessed?


Sex-distracted, they can't see
The big-picture conspiracy
Takes skills that poor Phil never will possess

And let's not forget New Orleans,
With bayou fires and voodoo queens
Is sidetracking the team
Part of some evil scheme?

Or just the magic, cosmic dust
That blankets Cleveland, Town of Lust
Whatever the cause, they're nonplussed
'Cause now ... our Tip ... is bi!

Sing it with me ... (repeat CHORUS)

Vlad Taltos (flyingfish) says:

 

If you were bi
I'd wonder why
You chose to try
It with a gerbil-guy
Because you see
I licked HT!
And believe me
A ti-ger isn't shy
(But I won't pry)

Dieter M. (tangerine) says:

hee.

Grant McCormick (grantcmccormick) says:

But now a slut with twice the odds of getting a date on Saturday night.

Ysabet Just Ysabet (theysabet) says:

^__^  That look on his face in panel three... that's the quintessential Tip, that is.

What does not kill me kills you (ld50) says:

I don't think the odds can go more than 100%.

James Rice (jhrice) says:

I thought Tip's odds were pretty close to 100% to begin with.  Now he just has twice the choices.

Kay Gilbert (kaygilbert) says:

tune" "My conviction," James Rado, Gerome Ragni & Galt MacDermot (Hair, 1967)

I would just like to say that it is my conviction
That cross-transgenic bisexual experimentation
Is a healthy and normal form
Of experiential
Learning and, furthermore,
It can lead to a very
Pleasure-enhancing paradigm shift

There is a peculiar notion that
Sexual sampling
From a large populace
Is outside normality
But dooooooooooooooooooooooooooon't
Ask me
I'm just a big ol' happy slut!

Tim McDaniel (tim_mcdaniel) says:

Actually, if he be equally attractive to members of each sex, it would square the probability of him not getting a date on a Saturday night.  Generalizing it to M =/= W (the respective proportions with mutual attraction) is an exercise for the stud nut.

Rex Vivat (sirgarberto) says:

>I don't think the odds can go more than 100%.
Of course they can. Let's see...
If 100% is getting a date on Saturday night,
200% is getting two dates on Saturday night.
See? It's easy!

David Harmon (mental_mouse) says:

Rex:  He does that a lot already... Sounds like he's gonna need an even bigger bed.

Ed Gedeon (eddurd) says:

(TUNE: "King Tut", Steve Martin and the Toot Uncommons, 1978)

Now when he came to Cleveland, he never thought he'd find
A big and husky he-man, to play with his behind!
(Tip slut!)
Artie's such a cutie!
(Cutie slut!)
Giving him a woody!
Situation's risky, feeling kinda frisky!
Tip slut!

If this goes on, they'll end up getting thinner;
They went out to a restaurant, but never got to dinner!
(Tip slut!)
Tip is getting wiser ...
(Wise slut!)
He's the appetizer!
Oral stimulation, tasty new sensation!
Tip slut!

[instrumental break!]
... let's get animal ...
[more instrumental]
... he's a beast! ....
[still more instrumental]
... such sexy genes ...

Now it was just this one time, Tip slept with other men ...
And maybe in the future, he'll do it once again!
(Tip slut!)
Feeling like a new man!
(New man slut!)
Kinsey One or Two man!
Get experimental, homo-incidental!
Get experimental ...
('Cause he promised he'd be gentle!)
Tip slut!

James Henderson (corwingreylore) says:

My word, is that a hickey on Tip's neck?

vicka corey (drbrain) says:

y'know, he looks femmier as his hair grows out.  i wonder if he'll eventually move out of artie's range and into tigerlily's? :)

Diane Castle (deecee) says:

@Tim: Of course the correct answer can't be the square of the probability.  Probabilities are less than one, so the odds of a success would go DOWN.  What you want is an increase.  In Tip's case the probability just gets closer to 1.  Since it is already well over 0.50, we just can't use standard additive techniques.

Oddly enough, a study did indicate that Woody Allen's joke really is true.  For female bisexuals, but not for males.

Andrew Kunz (ampersand888) says:

I fully expect Artie to use his mad scientist skills to turn Tip into a female gerbil.

Joyce Melton (halfelven) says:

@deecee Tim was correct since he was talking about the probability of failing, of NOT getting a date, so the square of that probability would be moving in the right direction -- the failure rate would go down.

Diane Castle (deecee) says:

@Joyce: Good point.  I missed that.  But, since they're not independent events, it still wouldn't be one minus the square of the probability.

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The education bestowed on Shaenon K. Garrity by her parents had been expensive, athletic and prolonged. ... full profile