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Smithson Thus Far... ·

Michael Brewer (wusemajor) says:

So, what, Artie is Superman?  For the record, I'm not entirely sure Tip even wants a more complicated relationship.

Taylor Burdette (bigtentacruel) says:

It feels like everytime I look at Tip these days, I just see Dave, which creeps me out so much for numerous reasons. Now, where is my Dave as Tip or Tip as Dave fanart?

Joyce Melton (halfelven) says:

Sex a problem for Tip? Naah!

Grant McCormick (grantcmccormick) says:

I don't think that Sweetheart is qualified to say if Tip is in Artie's leage or not.  When you look at Tip's CV, he's done some rather amazing things even before joining Skin Horse, and some even-stranger ones since.

I do not expect that we'll see anything monogomous on either side, beyond a genetically-engineered-friends-with-benefits relationship.

apple apple (mutevampire) says:

Sweetheart seems to be hinting, kinda strongly, that she's speaking through first- or second-hand experience on this one...

JP Chabot (speedball) says:

I'm worried that this means that Artie will never find true love. Now that would really suck. If Superman can love Lois Lane, why can't Artie find someone?

Kay Gilbert (kaygilbert) says:

I'm with Tip.  For great sex, I've put up with much worse than a gorgeous, super-strong, caring, good-smelling genius.  Oh, wait, I've put up with much worse than that for lousy sex, too.  Tip, do not listen to Sweetheart.

@Taylor: To me, Tip looks less like Dave here than like a cute-but-whiny teenage girl.  "But mommm, I don't wanna babysit on Friday night.  I wanna have seeeex with Aaaartie."  And I can't think whiny without thinking Fran Drescher, so . . .

tune: "The nanny named Fran," Ann Hampton Callaway & Liz Callaway (The Nanny, CBS, 1999)

Tip was working hard in Cleveland on a black-ops job
But he soon came under attack by an angry squirrel mob
What was he to do? Where was he to go? He was down on his fanny
Then suddenly, to his rescue came a man so hot
Who would guess that he's a gerbil when a man he is not
Artie N.!  Sweetheart's friend will defend
Our fallen and battered tranny

Who would have guessed that a man in the street
Would be a sex game-changer under the sheet?

Now Tip finds that he is bisexual
(More slutty fun)
But Sweetheart gets all intellectual
(Says "rut and run")
She thinks Tip will get hurt someday, 'cause Artie's brain is too complex
But Tip knows what he's after
Phenomenal sex!

David Given (dg) says:

Nah, Artie's problem easy to solve. Cloning. He's homosexual, remember, he won't even need to find a Y chromosome from somewhere. He even knows someone with all the necessary expertise...

vicka corey (drbrain) says:

this may be artie's angst, or it may be sweetheart's.  tip seems relatively okay with the fact that his one deeply-felt set of emotions (towards tigerlily) are not reciprocated, and of course he's done great with emotionally-milder involvements (including lots of people, but i'm thinking of marcie mostly -- i'd think he cares for her).

on the whole i'm just not sure being cared about ("deeply"!) sucks that much.

Ed Gedeon (eddurd) says:

(TUNE: "I'm A Woman", Peggy Lee, 1963)

He's got a stratospheric I.Q., he can do complex math,
Discuss global econonics, technology trends, or Sylvia Plath!
He sees what's all wrong with the world, he'll try to make it right ...
He'll take you to dinner, then take you to bed, then keep you going all night!

'Cause he's INHUMAN!
Let me warn you, my friend!

He can balance the budget, make a gourmet vegan dinner ...
He can predict the 2014 "American Idol" winner!
He's beyond phenomenal, there ain't nothin' he can't do ...
Do your taxes, go through the audit, and have the I.R.S. owing you!

'Cause he's INHUMAN!
Let me warn you, my friend!
That he's INHUMAN!
Gonna tell you again,
That he's INHUMAN!
M ...A ...N ...
The end!

Andrew Kunz (ampersand888) says:

Wait, Artie can lift a car? Since when?

Eric Burns (ericburns) says: If I remember correctly, Artie is -- looking ahead to the future -- implied to end up with Sergio, who at the very least is Artie's intellectual equal. I don't think we need to worry about him.
Rob (rrreed) says: @Andrew—Maybe the driver kinda had his foot on the accelerator… JUST in the beginning; just to get it going. Then it actually was me Artie. But he kinda…
Frank (pokefan_frank) says:

@Kay Gilbert: Maybe it was the choice of tune, but I don't think I've laughed so hard at any of your previous songs!

Maricruz Villalobos-Zamora (maki_p) says:

My God, Sweetheart is in-love with Artie!

And since when Artie can lift a car?

David Harmon (mental_mouse) says:

Andrew Kunz:  Sweetheart might be exaggerating a bit, but he's certainly been presented as a Big Damn Dude in human form, and despite him being a peacenik, that form was created for a fight!  It's not unreasonable that he might have a little more muscular enhancement than he advertises.

Shaenon Garrity (shaenongarrity) says:

Well, not, like, over his head. But yeah. He is actually even stronger than he looks.
Jared Anderson (the_shrike) says:

Given what the OTHER cast members of Narbonic are probably up to at this stage, I think Artie's the least of anyone's worries.

...of course, seeing what they're up to now probably would not overly ease Sweetheart's state of mind.....

Rob (rrreed) says: So is Artie a gerbil who dreamt he was a man, a man who dreamt he was a gerbil, a fish that dreamt it was a bicycle, the Hoover Dam dreaming it was a kumquat, or a cartoonist that would gladly pay you Tuesday for a punchline today?

Any takers on a confession from Sweetheart to Tip before the end of the week?
Kay Gilbert (kaygilbert) says:

@Rob: I'll grant you, Sweetheart seems pretty bitter toward Artie about something, but what do you think she has to confess?  Remember, she didn't find Tip sexy until he became a canine.  I don't see her being attracted to either a gerbil or a man.

Viktor Dosk (hugin) says: Maybe this has happened with earlier partners. Unity occasionally has a male body, and there were other agents before they got Unity.
Bob Ulus (bobulus) says:

It seems very probable to me that Sweetheart is jealous of Artie's ability to blend in more than anything directly romantic.


Especially since this symposium is all about how creatures don't exactly get nice stuff like "rights" and "the ability not to be hunted down by sinister organizations"

Michael Brewer (wusemajor) says:

I think it might just be a territory issue.  Sweetheart is rather insecure and territorial about her Alpha Status and doesn't like anything that even remotely threatens it.

K. Myers (bassetking) says:

It's not that Artie HAS slept with Tip, it's that Artie CAN sleep with Tip. Sweetheart, independent of her feelings toward Tip, lacks that choice available to Artie. That's what's got her rankled. She can't, even if she wouldn't.

vicka corey (drbrain) says:

sounds like sweetheart's on ht's side.

Ed Gedeon (eddurd) says:

(TUNE: "Missing You", John Waite)

Every time they send us out,
I'm feeling rather vexed ...
I'm left standing here, while you disappear
Having random kinky sex!

    And now we're on a mission
    That's important, must not fail!
    Don't want to hear your dumb admission
    That you kinda like some male!

Well, Artie, he has got it easy,
Into society he can fit!
     It makes me angry, makes me queasy ...
     Makes me envious, I admit!

I'm not mad at you, not much,
Just 'cause you slept ... with him!
I'm not mad at you ...
If you'd wipe off ... that grin!

joe dreyfuss (jdreyfuss) says:

I've got to go with Viktor. The "messing with my staff" line just sounds too much like bad memories.

David Harmon (mental_mouse) says:

Another vote with Viktor, that Sweetheart's known Artie from before Tip.  With a side of Vicka, that H.T. may well be manipulating her against Artie.  (Never trust a smiling tiger!)

David Harmon (mental_mouse) says:

PS:  Just wait till Tip finds out that his new lover can also double as a (mad) fashion accessory!

Frank (pokefan_frank) says: My staff?
Mary Potts (queenofcapes) says:

So the league's founders were right; Artie *is* an acaudial of the worst kind! Eeeew, &@%$ Thumbie fetishists! X_X

Dave Corbett (mr_dave) says:

Got it! Back in college, Sweetheart was dating a hot werewolf until Artie poached him from her.

Joyce Melton (halfelven) says:

Artie has fingers when he's human. And he scritched Sweetheart behind the ears. And now he's sexing Tip and Sweetheart wants her pets!

She's a dog, of course she wants her pets. :)

Dieter M. (tangerine) says:

...Wait, Artie wasn't messing with Sweetheart's staff, he was messing with Tip's staff.



Norman Thallheimer (normanrt) says:

I'm sure someone mentioned that if Artie was involved with the bomb, then it would have done exactly what Artie intended...

Jared Anderson (the_shrike) says:

Obvious development. Acetone *doesn't explode*. Hell, it's not even that good at burning. No, if there's a REAL bomb, it'll be way more interesting. :D

Michael Brewer (wusemajor) says:

Does he think Sweetheart is attracted to him now?

Kay Gilbert (kaygilbert) says:

I love the way Tip looks with a ponytail.  Reminds me a bit of Dave and Helen's daughter.

vicka corey (drbrain) says:

um. didn't everyone realize it was just a smoke bomb to begin with, except for maybe phil?

vicka corey (drbrain) says:

@michael i believe sweetheart found tip attractive when he was a wolf, but isn't into humans that way so is generally immune to his charms.

a nonymous (psocoptera) says:

Wait, what kind of bird is Phil, again?  Was that bomb just a scare, crow?

E Nigma (tamerlane) says:

Apparently the bomb was just intended to create a mynah emergency.

Rodford Smith (stickmaker) says:



This requires feather investigation!

Frank (pokefan_frank) says: @wusemajor: Hmmm, maybe it's time to bring back that werewolf virus
Troy Smith (tcreole) says:

You people are all a bunch of raven lunatics.

Myles Adams (huttj) says:

I'd say you were... were...


Say deflecting, SAY IT!

Marni Rachmiel (marniferous) says:

These avian puns are getting hard to swallow. Personally, I think it was just a red heron...

Grant McCormick (grantcmccormick) says:

Anyone we should know (or remember)?

Myles Adams (huttj) says:

the waiter?

Dave Estep (cyaegha) says: And he gets it.
So It Begins (soitbegins) says: Has anyone seen this pic of Tip by Dirk Tiede?
Ed Gedeon (eddurd) says:

Just imagine if the door had been opened by ... ANTONIO SMITH, FORENSIC LINGUIST!

(TUNE: "Someday My Prince Will Come", Larry Morey & Frank Churchill)

Some dog imprints on man,
Thus forms a bond that can
Last a lifetime, as long as she'll live!
To a human, her heart she will give!

Sought Artie's help; I tried ...
I see he's occupied!
Tell him "hi" for me ...
I've got to go and see
The dog that imprinted on me!

Andrew Kunz (ampersand888) says:

@Ed: That would have been very cunning. Too soon?

David Harmon (mental_mouse) says:

Someone should tell tip that humans imprint too!  Also, that most imprinting needs to be during a receptive period during growth....

David Harmon (mental_mouse) says: Ed: That would have been truly evil. Perhaps not as evil as snowcloning the scene... PS: WCN's Javascript is acting up again, responding with "no comment submitted" for perfectly normal comments. I turned scripting off for this comment.
joe dreyfuss (jdreyfuss) says:

I didn't notice the 'do not disturb' sign in panel 1 until the second time I looked at it. Shouldn't that have tipped Tip off?

JP Chabot (speedball) says:

aaand now my "Human Sweetheart" pic seems all the more prescient...

Ysabet Just Ysabet (theysabet) says:

Hm; well, at least Artie is showing consistently good taste.

Kay Gilbert (kaygilbert) says:

Well, now, Tip, the dick is in the other briefs, isn't it?  ("The shoe is on the other foot" doesn't quite capture it.)  Really, if all Tip gets from his time in Cleveland is some great sex and a well-deserved comeuppance, it will still have been worthwhile.

As for Sweetheart, I thought she had thoroughly imprinted on Captain Bram, not to mention her wire-monkey mother.

Joyce Melton (halfelven) says:

Ponytail angst.

Taylor Burdette (bigtentacruel) says:

Gah. Now I'm envisioning Madblood in Tip's place and this is SO not working. For one, I can't even see Madblood with his hair tied back in a ponytail, let alone wearing Artie's pants. I can see Tip shouting, "You'll pay for this, Helen Narbon!" and it makes me giggle.

Greg Mosher (noc) says:

Hold on, did he run back and add that addendum through Artie's door, or is that just an aside to the audience?  (Both are pretty funny.)

Kay Gilbert (kaygilbert) says:

Oh, yeah, I can see that Tip is torn up inside because Artie cares so deeply.
tune: "Comin' through the rye"

When a hottie meets a hottie
On a Cleveland street
Should they both be nice and naughty
The sex can't be beat

If the hotties are both slutty
Sex may come with a hitch
'Cause slutty hotties may discover
Karma is a bitch

Ed Gedeon (eddurd) says:

(TUNE: "Hot Stuff", Donna Summer)

First you go seduce me, then you use me,
Then you toss me out with the trash!
Though I barely know you, still I'll show you!
Now I'm gonna do something rash!

I'm gonna sleep with HOT GIRLS!
One or two thousand!
I'll find some HOT GIRLS
Sexy, not dull!
I'll pick up HOT GIRLS!
That's what I vow, man!
Yeah, it's kinda feeble
But at least it's feasible!

Johnn Reynolds (sleepyjohn) says:

THe fact that he's stomping off wearing Artie's jeans and shoes adds irony.  No one can stomp effectively in Jimmy Choo's.

One wonders what Dr. Lee and all of the rest of Tip's old newspapers would think about it.

John Campbell (jcampbel) says:

I'm guessing something along the lines of: "Ha, now you see how it... oo, yeah, do that pelvis thing again."

Diane Castle (deecee) says:

@sleepyjohn: Oh, you can stomp effectively in Jimmy Choos.  It just takes a great deal of practice first.  Now some of those heel-less platforms that Lady Gaga has worn... that would be tough.

Michael Brewer (wusemajor) says:

I'm actually wondering if Artie wasn't tied up in that room or something.

Grant McCormick (grantcmccormick) says:

Tip, panda-ing to his despair.

And Artie would be tied up only if Artie wanted to be tied up.  A man who is securely roped and chained is a gerbil who has lots of things to climb on.

Taylor Burdette (bigtentacruel) says:

Tip's bearly holding onto his sanity here. He can't handle a man who is more of a floozy than him!

Myles Adams (huttj) says:

Asking a panda about mating...yeah...smooooooth.

JP Chabot (speedball) says:

If Sweetheart is in love with Tip, that means that either we're gonna have to see a return of were-Tip, or human!Sweetheart. What do you guys think is more likely to occur?

Adam Underfoot (unnatural20) says: JP: Both, eventually, but I can see a situation where Sweetheart has turned human and, for whatever reason, Tip thinks he shouldn't sleep with her.
Ed Gedeon (eddurd) says:

Well, if no one else is going to say it, I guess I have to ...

Tip is more than confused ... he's totally bamboozled.

BTW, the second verse of today's filk is a reference to the filename story.  If you haven't read it, you should.

(TUNE: "She Drives Me Crazy", Fine Young Cannibals)

Fell in love,
Got replaced ...
I'm in shock,
I'm disgraced ...
And what's more, now I see
My best friend's in love with me!
Now my feelings I will share,
'Cause it's just too much to bear!

    When love goes crazy,
    (ooh ooh)
    What do you do?
    (ooh ooh)
    When love goes crazy,
    Stew, and chew on bamboo!
    (ooh ooh)

I could hear,
She could speak ...
Didn't fear,
Didn't freak ...
Loyal through thick and thin,
Now a fine mess we're in!
Should have seen it, I was dumb!
Someday her imprints will come!
    (repeat CHORUS)

joe dreyfuss (jdreyfuss) says:

Why ask a panda for advice on anything really deep? They're terrible at long term commitments. Why, if you look up panda in an encyclopedia, do you know what it says? Eats shoots and leaves. Does that sound like someone who cares about the long term?

Neil Smith (usoki) says:

Since when is Tip ever right about these things?  I'm waiting for Sweetheart to be in love with Artie's human form.  Everybody loves Artie's human form.

Carl Fishman (carlfishman) says:

I seem to recall General Patton saying about someone (I don't know who) something to the effect of; "I could make a better man out of a banana!"  I suppose Helen took that as a challenge of sorts, figuring; "I could make a better man out of a gerbil!"  (Which is, I suppose, a response of sorts to Artie's whine in the final panel of today's Narbonic.)

Shane Wegner (shanewegner) says:

! appears over head.
"Artie uses his appearance to SLEEP with your kind".
Tip's Lycanthrope can change him into canis lupus, but he can also change back. There was a two way-mapping between human and canis, not that he can shift as deliberately as Artie.

Artie has a human and gerbil appearance.
Tip has a human and canis appearance.
What would Sweetheart's human appearance look like..._if she had one_?

Dieter M. (tangerine) says:

Neil Smith:  While that was MY first reaction... Sweetheart having feelings for Tip would certainly explain a lot of her attitude when Tip was a wolf.

K. Williams (crazy_quill) says: Looks like that panda (and Tip) has been taking tips from Snoopy. What do you do when your love life goes pear-shaped? Answer: back to eating. Dog's got sense. And an advice column, I seem to remember. Maybe the panda is a subscriber...
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The education bestowed on Shaenon K. Garrity by her parents had been expensive, athletic and prolonged. ... full profile