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I think I play this game too much.

One: Meet the Experiments!

Basil and Hannah Experiment have just moved to Pleasantview, away from the hustle and bustle of far-off Sim City! They could only afford the tiniest house in town, a shack in the woods. But their love keeps them warm at night, if ya know what I mean and oh yeah I think you do.

Aren't they sweet? You'd hardly suspect that loving father of three and respected councilman Basil was banging two other broads on the side. Most notably, the famously stiff and dissatisfied Mary-Sue Pleasant! Goodness gracious, Basil! You're more than a bit of a turd, aren't you?

Ignorance is bliss, they say. That must make Hannah the happiest little baby factory in Pleasantview.

This is how she spends most of her days: waddling around, knocked up, gorging on plates full of grilled cheese sandwiches. Her and Basil's first two children were girls: The teenaged Lyric, and the younger Coda. This one's gonna turn out a girl, too: Aria. Too bad. Basil wants a boy. BACK IN THE BED, HANNAH, YOU HAVE WORK TO DO.

She squats out the kids, scrubs the sinks, and roasts the pork chops. She got her two older children into private school, trims the hedges, and repairs the computer. She even helps with homework. OH GOD WHY ISN'T IT ENOUGH.

Gosh, who could this be, stoically unappreciative of their mother's willingness to fry up a half-dozen omelettes at 4:30 in the fucking god damn morning? It would just kinda have to be Lyric and Coda Experiment! Such charming kids. (The baby, Aria, is going through her thoroughly-uninteresting-helpless-larva stage, and couldn't be present due to a previously planned pants-shitting appointment.)

Note the silence that hangs over the dinette table like a cottony, black thunderhead as Lyric, the pimply teenager, does her best to deny the existence of Coda, and comforts herself with the truth of the child's inescapable homeliness.

Daddy won't eat with his girls, freezing out his family for the warm, cathode ray glow of his less-than-cutting-edge beige box. But wow, he sure enjoys his wife's cooking! You can bet your ass he'll clean that plate, too, in between filthy little emails to his various lady friends. Maybe he'll invite his latest prize, Mary-Sue Pleasant, over for dinner sometime soon, and make the wife cook for her, too. That girl likes a good pork chop, now and again.

But what's this? A sudden lift in Lyric's mood.

Coda may have gotten the Smart Milk. Coda may have had 12 skill points before she was even a child. And Coda, that stuck-up little cow, may even have actually been POTTY-TRAINED. But Lyric's still the favorite. See, Lyric takes after Daddy. Two steady boyfriends, and prospects for a girl or two. It's probably that saucy little private school uniform. So what if she keeps breaking out? It's not her face they're looking at. And if they're porking her, they'll HAVE to like her. Right?

That's how it works, right?



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