Four: The Diary of Coda Experiment, Last Week.
It has been a very long while since I came and wrote in you, and I am sorry for that. But my life has changed and I'm just really really busy now!!! There is always school and things around the house and stuff like that, but there are also new friends. Well okay, just one new friend.
I met my one new friend outside my house only yesterday. She was just walking by. I had never seen her at school before, and my school is very small and exclusive, so I knew she must be a public school student. That's not a bad thing, I'm not being a snob! I have lots of public school friends! It's just something I probably knew.
When I introduced myself, she kind of half-smiled at me and she said "Yeah." And she was all, "And I'm Lilith. Hey." And she half-smiled again. It was one of those seconds when you kind of wonder if you're being made fun of, but you can't be sure? And saying something about it or asking would make you sound all paranoid, so you just sort of pretend nothing's going on? You know how it is. That's what I did. So we chatted a bit out on the sidewalk.
Oh my God I was so rude. I kept staring in her eyes.
Lilith has very very very green eyes. They're like shiny emeralds. They're like leaves, with the sun shining through them from behind so they glow and you can see the veins. She tries to look really mean, and she wears all this black make-up and a black dress and a dog collar(!!!!), like those gothy punk-rock kids I see down at the mall, but she can't hide her eyes. They are absolutely not goth eyes. They are big and curious and pretty.
I wonder a lot about girls who dress like that. Is that stupid? I'm curious. I think it's to push other people away. But at the same time, I think it's kind of pretty, pretty the same kinda way stars are. Stars are huge and bright and terrible, and they can burn you like POOF. But they're beautiful, too? So Lilith is kind of a star, I guess. She burns really hot.
God, that's so gay.
SO OF COURSE I SAID IT OUT LOUD.I SERIOUSLY DO NOT KNOW HOW TO BE AROUND PEOPLE.
But seriously, it's what I was thinking. I kept thinking it and thinking it and stuff until I just had to say it. It was like the tide or something, I really couldn't stop it. I was so Tourettes-y about it, it came out so LAME. I didn't make any sense. Like, AT ALL. I was all, "You know how stars are hot? And dangerous?" And I said, "I think maybe you're a little like that." Oh GOD, she must have totally pitied me SO BAD, because that is the ONLY reason she did not punch me in the face!!!! She smiled at me and said "Thanks." And NOT the same way she said "Hey," either. It was a REAL thanks. A REAL ONE.
OH GOD I ALMOST DIED.
I showered, like, FOREVER that night. I didn't DO anything, though, so don't be gross. I just THOUGHT about that stuff. A lot. And you would too, so shut up.
Besides, the showerhead wouldn't reach. I checked.
I must have wished we had a bathtub, like, a jillion times.
I called her the next day, and the day after that. We talked for hours. I was so lame.
Can you believe she doesn't have a lot of friends?? I'd think she had TONS. How can pretty girls be unpopular, I don't get that at all. That is, like, a Nancy Drew mystery. Lilith says it's easy, because she has a twin sister who's a total freak of nature. She was describing her as this total spaz with perfect grades and lots of friends and stuff. Sounded totally obnoxious.
I bet Lyric must sound like that when she talks to her friends about me.
Anyway, that's not the really good part. She said she thought I was pretty. Can you even BELIEVE it?? I so totally laughed in her face. I look like a llama. And then she was all, "So y'gonna invite me over or what?" And I was all speechless for a second before I could scream YES.
My stomach felt so bad, after that. Like it was full of mice. I kind of did damage control on my stupid face before she came around, did that thing where I hide my fat cheeks with my hair. Of course, it decided not to work today, which would just figure. Welcome to my life, ya know?
When Lily showed up, I ran outside to say hi and she laughed and said I looked good today. But she said it how a GUY might say it, not how, you know, your friend or your grandma might. It was all, "That's a beautiful dress." I felt kind of weak. And then she said, "That was made to dance in. Do you know how?" And I was all DURRR MY FOLKS HAVE A NEW STEREO.
OH GOD THAT WAS EMBARASSING. I have NEVER danced before IN MY ENTIRE LIFE and IT SHOWED. I kept trying to stop, but Lil wouldn't let me. She said I have to practice if I want to be good, and I have rhythm, so it wasn't totally hopeless. We tuned in to that pop station I hate, and you know what? I didn't hate it so much with her there. That was weird. It was still bad, though, just so obviously manufactured. "This music is so lame," I said. And she laughed and said yeah.
Her eyes match the wallpaper. Is that retarded to notice? Whatever.
Lil is kind of like those modern photography exhibits where the guy takes pictures of beautiful, pale women lying all naked and vulnerable over big hunks of machinery or in factories. It's like, those machines are this huge contrast to their flesh. Flesh is soft and fragile, and the machinery's all menacing and inhuman. Lilith's clothes and make-up and stuff, that's all her machinery. But she doesn't have to lie there when she's with me.
I managed not to say that out loud, though. Go me.
I made us sandwiches afterwards, and it wasn't until we were eating that I remembered it would have been MUCH cooler to order a pizza. ACK! I bet Lil orders pizza all the time at home. My cooking totally sucked, but Lily ate it anyway. I thought she was just being polite, but she had TWO. I just DIED. But I guess that means it was all okay. I can't afford pizza, anyway.
The whole time Lily was with me, she didn't say ANYTHING about my crummy house, or how I was a private school preppie dork, or how I looked like a llama and a donkey had babies. She just talked to me, and we goofed off and laughed and told each other dumb jokes. It was really cozy. That is a lame word, but that's what it was. She made me feel warm inside. When she left for home, I wanted to follow her. I thooguht I was gonna cry so bad.
Don't tell anybody.
Gotta go, homework. More tommorrow.